 |
| NAG THYSELF |
 |
| AVOID COGNITIVE BIAS |
 |
| PAY YOUR DEBTS |
 |
| LOW SODIUM |
 |
15% OF INCOME ANNUALLY FOR RETIREMENT |
 |
| START A SIDE HUSTLE |
 |
| READ MORE POETRY |
 |
| Vitamin B12 |
 |
| CHEW FOOD SLOWLY |
👀👂👃☝👇👈👉👻👼👳👾👿💀💢💟💓💔💥💦💧💨💫💩💬💭😦😱😳😵😶🙈🙅🙉🙆🙊🙇😣😤😩👶☺💬💬💬💭👤👎
My ADHD is making it impossible to list comic books to sell. Imagine a billion bumblebees on an island made entirely of candy, while swarms of buzzing drones with TV screens flashing auto-tuned music videos and cryptic messages every two seconds. Meanwhile, this same island erupts molten lava 25,000 feet into the sky every four seconds, and rains down goofball-sized hail in a torrential, percussion-like downpour. Microscopic, buzzing nanobites swarm through my veins, emitting subsonic warbles that echo from my toenails to the tips of my eyelashes.
Every time I try to focus, it’s like the world’s strongest magnet yanks my whole body and flickering attention toward something else—anything else—pulling me in with adamant, unrelenting force. These distractions last anywhere from a few minutes to whole afternoons, like stepping out of a dark theater into blinding sun—confused, raw, and newly born.
And just like a newborn, I cry. I flail. Eyes scrunched shut, body slick with unnameable fluids, swatted on the butt by the universe, but still too dazed to recognize where I am or how to crawl back to wherever I came from.
Inside my head, it’s as if every letter of the alphabet had its own alphabet, and all of them are singing at once—from a googolplex of multiverses multiplying into quantum microverses, all breeding infinite strings of 00000s and 11111s, endlessly tangled with ellipses and etceteras.
On repeat.
With the volume all the way up.
And you’re broke.
And need to smoke a cigarette every 57 minutes.
Hi.
Like Gilligan meets Moreau meets a Dangerous Game meets Home Malone meets the Karate Kid part 2 meets The Transformers Movie - the one where they said a curse word and it still makes me upset just thinking about it meets Lost (only the first 2 seasons) meets Robinson Crusoe meets Swiss Family Robinson meets Lost in Soace "Danger Will Robinson!” meets Fed-Ex Tom Hankasauras and Bilson Cast Away in that movie meets Hunger Games meets The Island of The Blue Dolphins meets all the Jurassic Park islands meets Kenny and Dolly’s Islands in The Stream meets Ewan McGregors Island chasus maximus meets Tarzan Lird of Greystoke meets Mowgli, Kaa, Rikki-Tikki-Tavi, etc. meets Goodall’s Gombe Flint, Frodo and Fifi meets Misfit Toys meets Richard Branson meets Ricardo Mantalban and Tattoo meets the Weezer Green album meets Rykers meets Alcatraz meets In-N-Out 1000 animal fries meets when I almost died in Kauai meets Darwin’s Galapagos lizardz meets my 8% Polynesian meets Jisas Yu Holem Hand Blong Mi Melanesian meets Costa Mesa Fashion meets the middle of your kitchen.
Okaybye.
Yay!!!
I bet you a million dollars that I've used that title before here. Nobody cares, self. There's a metal bowl that's touching the lid of this dying laptop and as I type, it's making a tinny, morse code/ticker tape sound like you used to hear at your girlfriend's house - Ohhhhhmm BURN. Like in the beginning of an old news flash - Bbeeeeeep bbeeepp ebeppe ebebeepepeeeepeebeep. (That made no sense).
I should've hashtagged that (that's what she said) but I'm too lazy to go back, WAY up there and put a hashtag on it (Insert #beyonceknowles joke HERE). See what I did there? That is JOKES. It IS jokes. See what I did there? Yeah, I know - nobody did...because there's no one HERE. Hey, if you learned how to increase the yield? No - the productivity? NO, if you learned how to increase the SIZE of ONE grain of rice instead of concentrating energy into the YIELD of rice, say if you were a rice farmer...or just a rice-enthusiast for that matter, a NICE rice enthusiast - wouldn't you? No, I wasn't asking if you wanted to be a rice enthusiast, would you be one - I was asking (I kind of forgot what I was asking)...IF you could grow ONE BIG grain of rice instead of growing and cultivating hundreds of thousands, millions and billions of seperate, little ellipsis - sy rice the good ol' fashioned way, resulting in millions and billions - wait, NO!
of seperate grains of that fragrant, always-used, and often-eaten, capsules of tasty, usually sauce-covered and bowl/stomach-filling, versatile and wordwide-ly, ( that's not a word) satiating and exotic goodness of all little two shoesnesses.
Anyways, yeah - wouldn't that be cool if I wrote like a human being? Or an A.I. thing? Yeah, Wheee. How wild. You're WACKY. NO. I make myself sad. Besides te babies. Yes, te babies. That wasn't a typo - I just ran out of moeny to pay my H bill. This was like a ransom note but written by a squirrel on drugs, whilst being blinded by a solar flare whie being eaten by a baleen whale. Okay, bye.
Hi.
The year is almost 2025. I remember way back in the day when we all used Evite to invite friends to parties and maybe when Friendster was still around and Myspace and I remember coming home telling my girlfriend at the time that I watched a documentary about people that lived underneath the sewers of Las Vegas on my computer at home was kind of confusing to her and I had to explain that I watched a movie directly from netflix.com and streamed it to my computer and she was blown away, and I showed her the titles that they had available so far and it was impressive at about 200 titles. I don’t remember why I’m telling you that it’s a nice pleasant story oh yeah that was a long time ago. Mine tries to reason and then say to itself that it wasn’t that long ago, but I think it was maybe 2007? or if you don’t do the math, like me, Let’s just say it’s close to 20 years ago. Can you put long time ago now depending on your age of course if you’re 135 years old, maybe it doesn’t seem like that long and maybe if you’re 19 years old years old, then this doesn’t make any sense..
The year is almost 2025. My name is Kevin Malone and his blog may be older than you. You may have somehow come here for your first time accidentally looking for free milk recipes to use your cupcakes for the office party tomorrow or you may be a cheapskate and be looking for low-cost or free perverted porn stuff, which I’ve seen some of the search results that get some of you guys here and I’ve got two things to say you guys are sick and I’m impressed. Don’t get me started on the search results that involve milk keyword that’s where you start getting into Perv City it’s and once again, I’m impressed.
I forget what I was talking about again I’ll obviously if you’re on here you stayed at least until this point so there must be a reason why you’ve seen this song and look you even are reading the sentence that says something about you. I don’t know what it says about you, but it says something about you, but typical of me I’ve forgotten over what I was gonna say but if you like this, I can go forever. I’ve made it this far sad beautiful and it is I guess kind of fascinating to me and terrifying all the same things in my life or exactly the same, and some things are so so far away from where I was , when I started this thing when it was a pay service from PR labs blog I mean or the ability to make one and I think I paid 1295 a month for the hosted service for this before and I thought it was a steel webpages webpage where had one page and wrote on it and posted on it refreshed it kind of made like a different skin or look to it and I thought that was the shit now No, I read my first headline about quantum teleportation through computer fiber optics so we’ve established teleportation through our computers in a certain sense about me making a statement like that is in a year or 10 or 20 from now I feel like Edison or whoever was Alexander Graham speaking, Mary, Little Lamb, nonsense into a Spectre phone or phone phone phone phone thing or screwing over Tesla world is filled with bastards and Rockefellers Edison and I learned about the new guy and big Giants. I live in the hills and where one percent or DNA come from how UFOs are popping the heads of humans like Ribbles national parks and my calcified pineal gland , and the destruction of the bells and water has feelings and I can see my Chi shooting on my fingertips as clear as day and double slit experiments and how we are all one and how I can make anything that I want to just by believing it and feeling it and meaning it and deserving it, I found out that I create the world that I live in the other way around which blows my mind or blows our mind I should say and I know that I look forward to meeting all of you and it’s nice to see you nice to be here? And I hope to see you again , if this made sense, but I was in the bathroom sitting on the toilet in the year 2000 and almost 25 and I just wanted to say hi and I hope so more often be safe. Be good. Take care of yourself. Be nice to yourself and be nice to others And I hope see you soon. Love you bye.
"As a result of my own repeated viewings of his veritable dancing prowess, I’ve determined that he exhibits an eerie, almost ghost-like similarity to another certain thin-legged and snappy-pointed, fancy, toe-clicky, boot-kicking actor of the Saturday Night Feverish legend of yore. Don’t you think? Maybe not. I just woke up and I think I’ve been typing this comment for 1,977 years. I really do dislike typing so much in so little space. We learned to write on blackboards and as the years have progressed we’ve been whittled down to writing our always -expanding feelings into the space equivalent to a chipmunk.”
What are the Best Bars in Los Angeles/Orange County, California?
Los Angeles and Orange County, California, are renowned for their vibrant nightlife and diverse bar scenes. Whether you’re a local resident or a visitor, finding the perfect spot for a night out can be a delightful challenge. From upscale lounges to trendy speakeasies and relaxed beach bars, the area offers a plethora of options to suit every taste. In this comprehensive guide, we explore some of the best bars in Los Angeles and Orange County, ensuring your next night out is nothing short of spectacular or I’ll eat my hat but only if my hat was made of champagne grapes…that made no sense.
1. The Edison - A Historic Downtown Gem
Located in the heart of Downtown Los Angeles, The Edison is an unforgettable experience. Housed in a historic power plant, this bar exudes a unique blend of industrial chic and classic elegance. With its dim lighting, antique furnishings, and live jazz music, The Edison transports you back to the 1920s. The cocktail menu features expertly crafted drinks that pay homage to the Prohibition era, making it a must-visit for cocktail enthusiasts.
2. Tiki Ti - A Polynesian Paradise
For a taste of the tropics, head to Tiki Ti in Los Angeles. This family-owned bar has been serving up exotic cocktails since 1961. Known for its vibrant atmosphere and friendly service, Tiki Ti offers a vast selection of tiki drinks, each more elaborate than the last. The decor, complete with bamboo accents and Polynesian artifacts, adds to the immersive experience. Don’t miss out on their signature drink, the Blood and Sand, which is a crowd favorite.
3. The Rooftop at The Standard - Panoramic Views and Chic Vibes
If you’re looking for a bar with a view, The Rooftop at The Standard in Downtown LA is the place to be. This trendy spot offers stunning panoramic views of the city skyline, a chic poolside lounge, and a lively atmosphere. The menu boasts a variety of creative cocktails and delicious small plates, perfect for sharing with friends. As the sun sets, the vibe transforms into a vibrant nightlife scene with DJ sets and a fashionable crowd.
4. The Blind Rabbit - A Hidden Speakeasy
Nestled in Anaheim’s Packing House, The Blind Rabbit is a speakeasy-style bar that combines secrecy with sophistication. Entry is through an unmarked door, adding an element of mystery to your evening. Inside, you’ll find a cozy, intimate setting with an impressive selection of craft cocktails. The bartenders are true mixologists, often creating bespoke drinks based on your preferences. The Blind Rabbit is perfect for a date night or a special celebration.
5. The Surfrider - Beachfront Bliss
For those who prefer a more laid-back vibe, The Surfrider in Malibu offers a beachfront bar experience like no other. Overlooking the iconic Surfrider Beach, this bar provides a relaxed atmosphere with stunning ocean views. The drink menu features refreshing cocktails, local beers, and fine wines, making it the perfect spot to unwind after a day in the sun. The Surfrider is also known for its friendly service and welcoming ambiance.
6. The Bungalow - Santa Monica’s Social Hub
The Bungalow in Santa Monica is a popular destination for those seeking a lively and social atmosphere. This beachside bar is designed to resemble a vintage California bungalow, complete with cozy furnishings and a spacious outdoor patio. The Bungalow is famous for its bustling happy hours, inventive cocktails, and vibrant crowd. Whether you’re looking to mingle or simply enjoy a drink by the beach, The Bungalow offers a quintessential Southern California experience.
7. Seven Grand - Whiskey Lover’s Dream
Whiskey enthusiasts will find their haven at Seven Grand in Downtown Los Angeles. This bar boasts an extensive selection of over 700 whiskeys from around the world, making it one of the top whiskey bars in the area. The ambiance is reminiscent of a classic American whiskey bar, with dark wood accents, leather seating, and dim lighting. The knowledgeable staff is always on hand to guide you through their impressive whiskey menu, ensuring you find the perfect pour.
8. The Deck on Laguna Beach - Oceanfront Elegance
Perched on the edge of Laguna Beach, The Deck offers a breathtaking oceanfront dining and drinking experience. The bar’s location provides stunning views of the Pacific Ocean, making it an ideal spot for sunset cocktails. The menu features a variety of craft cocktails, local beers, and fine wines, all designed to complement the fresh, coastal cuisine. The Deck’s laid-back yet elegant vibe makes it a favorite among both locals and visitors.
9. The Dresden Room - Hollywood Nostalgia
Step into Hollywood history at The Dresden Room, a classic bar and restaurant that has been a staple since the 1950s. Located in Los Feliz, The Dresden Room is famous for its timeless charm, live music, and signature cocktails. The lounge area, with its retro decor and cozy booths, is the perfect place to enjoy a martini while listening to the iconic house band, Marty & Elayne. The Dresden Room offers a nostalgic experience that captures the essence of old Hollywood.
10. The Observatory - A Musical Mecca
For music lovers, The Observatory in Santa Ana is a must-visit. This venue combines a bar, restaurant, and concert hall, creating a dynamic space for live music and entertainment. The bar offers a diverse selection of drinks, from craft beers to specialty cocktails, while the stage hosts a variety of musical acts, from indie bands to well-known artists. The Observatory’s lively atmosphere and top-notch acoustics make it a premier destination for a night out.
11. Pacific Hideaway - Coastal Chic
Located in Huntington Beach, Pacific Hideaway offers a chic coastal experience with a modern twist. This bar and restaurant feature a stylish, open-air design that takes full advantage of the California sunshine. The drink menu includes innovative cocktails, local craft beers, and a curated wine list. The Pacific Rim-inspired cuisine is perfect for sharing, making it an ideal spot for a relaxed evening with friends. The laid-back yet sophisticated vibe makes Pacific Hideaway a standout in Orange County.
From the historic charm of The Edison to the beachfront bliss of The Surfrider, Los Angeles and Orange County boast an incredible array of bars that cater to every taste and preference. Whether you’re in the mood for a sophisticated cocktail, a laid-back beachside drink, or an immersive tiki experience, you’ll find the perfect spot to unwind and enjoy the vibrant nightlife of Southern California.
If there’s one thing
That has remained
One steadfast and
Virtually monolithic in presence
To my ever-increasing and precariously-occupied mind
It’s this dumb blog.
And for that
Right now
Right here
Sitting on an old tree stump in a backyard
Behind a house that isn't mine
And with a now-tired heart that moved on long ago
I type tiny letters into a tiny phone
As windows of opportunities streak and
Drone by
The braying of Teslas
driven cacophonously by electronic sheep
It’s these dumb things
Defining me today
And in my not-so-distant future
That define me
My one
And only thing left
Here
And now
s and I took 112 of them, right? Some will lead to more worry, insecurities and whatever’s but, at times certain paths - invisible or well trodden will require more sweat and for you to work different muscles in your legs and your brain and your heart and that’s a requirement for parts of your developing SOUL (and he pointed at his head) and all those awesome choices require time, fortitude, honesty and YOUR attention then blah give me a one word answer of what I and what society approves of!” You don’t have to have the answers. Just as long as you want to do something. Shit, take everything! All of it! It’s your turn, buddy. Just don’t screw it up like me - just kidding…heh heh. What kind of person do you feel like you are and what kind of person do you strive to be? What are you working on right now…with yourself - good or bad? The person that you are right now should always be working on a million things because being boring means you’re dead. Otherwise, you’d just be nothing and that’s kind of gross. It’s perfectly fine and actually admirable to want to do just one thing, one job, maybe even just one pair of pants - nuthin’ wrong with that. Well, it depends on the pair of pants but it’s perfectly okay to create new opportunities because you’re supposed to and so…good.not to know what you want to be or where you’re supposed to go because because you’re a human being and we’re in our human spacesuits until we die and shuffle off this mortal coil and then say hi to Jesus or Jedi or whatever - just as long as you have goals.”
And that’s about the gist of it. I don’t remember if he said that maaaybe exactly the way that I just transcribed it here on this cracked, tiny phone, naked after a shower and muttering to myself But I’ve always remembered that quick during a couple smoked cigarettes with him and it was years ago, he was much older than I was and I was at a new step new family reunion thing and it was at his house for this Thanksgiving rotation and I guess that it hadn’t happened before and he was the black sheep of the family because he married a gorgeous black lady and he had 50’s memorabilia and neon and jukeboxes decorated all throughout his house and his garage and he smoked Marlboro Reds and he told the family to fuck off because they were conservative fakes but he was trying to make amends and it was Thanksgiving and he said that it was perfectly fine to bum another cigarette off of him before he headed back inside and that he’d see me there and that I should stop smoking because that shit will kill ya’, and then I never saw him again.
• I’ve never had a question about you and what you were going to do after this. You’re one of those rare people that keep things moving for yourself and help keep the traffic flowing for others too because YOU ARE ENERGY. You’re not a CAR - you’ll never just be a CAR in this life -
YOU are THE TRAFFIC! No, I take that back - You’re the WHOLE goddamn FREEWAY. You are EVERYTHING and don’t let anything ever slow you down because this life really is pretty damn short I’m finding out so let nothing but gas pass you by…or through you. Really, Kevin? That’s how you’re going to end this? Like that? It’s okay, I’m not saying goodbye just saying an equivalent on rare occasion like tonight, you - give me a call or text if you need anything at all - text me or The Missus and you always have something even when you think you don’t. Because she’s amazing and I’m entertaining maybe, two out of ten encounters. Be honest and be ENERGY and be yourself and you’ll always be fine. Thank you for being my friend and for trying to help me fight the good fight. Life needs YOU. Okay, bye.
If I never wrote what you're reading right meow -
I wonder what we’d all end up writing or reading instead? Would this or whatever I wrote before this - or ANY writing - would it or something similar still be here?
Could nothing change it? Could nothing take it's space? Are created spaces eternal and non-budging, or maybe at least, ink smears?
For sure? Fo' Sho'? 4-shure?
And if it didn’t - would I now want to read what you were going to say before rather than what you wrote instead or both of them? Or neither?
Huh? Now I'm confused too, me!
More. Mored confused.
What are you writing about? Edit yourself -
Okaaaaay, FINE.
Hi.
Maybe I didn’t read an article that had popped up before I started writinhg this and maybe I became so sad reading of a random strangers suffering or maybe I'm still wiping my eyes with the heels of my hands, unsuccessfully stemming an unexpected flow of stinging tears noisilyspattering the desk like baby raindrops as I type this? This. This.. . .. . .....
Sometimes life hijacks life
and sometimes we’re better for it
and sometimes maybe not
What’s better anyway
and in which way
and for whommmmmmm each tear drop hisses at me
as they fall slowly
fading
not completely gone
shuffling off this salted Earth lives for something
for anything else
each drop evaporating off this mortal coil
And it’s totally okay, you know.
I’d rather have it this way instead.
It’s better this way, me thinks.
I mean, not that you’d be particularly suffering the first of many inevitable Oscar the Grouchy Marxian and not Karl Men Are From Marxian spasmodic eye twitches due to reading whatever feels-electric or maybe epileptic prose was going to previously write and that by the end of THIS sentence and whatever lifted or spontaneously-created prose by now has fully dissipated into the brine that is our brains.
Man I just fell in love with that unpunctuated and never decelerated last sentence. Probably one of my favorites I've written in a loooong time. Really. A long time, man. So much has changed. That fat free doofus from long ago. Me. Not me anymore because it was so long ago and he was kind of happy in his misery and he knew some stuff but really knew nothing, that kid - he and his boundless and wasted, ignorant energy. The ME kid from 2001 and all the years that followed. He didn’t realize that every single moment or person that you had with you or in front of you - all of them led to different lifetimes. Some of the ones that are either gone now or far, far away. They’re not yours and never will be. They’re so far away - it’s scientifically impossible to come even close to catching any slight bit of their existence. Fast, propelled, gliding, armored, wide, blotting out skies, masking whole planets…still moving while you complained or took big gulps of your wasted opportunities and retched - you should have taken baby sips and you weren’t old enough to drink that yet and maybe you aren’t now. STILL. That kid that started a blog advertised by Pyra Labs for nothing but a paltry, a measly monthly sum - more than a webpage and more customization options had me more than a tad bit smitten.
I was going to show Beezus my Instacart order from today that did not get placed because of Universe Butt.
