Monday, April 30, 2007

Night is not beautiful and this post isn't either...

It's scary.

I'm thinking that the only people that are up right now are either up to no good or on drugs.

Or both.

These nocturnal miscreants are probably rummaging through my car as you read and/or as I type this or they're fighting with other vampires over spoiled meat or they're breathing heavily into an unwilling recipient's ear or they're chatting with people online and pretending to be younger than they are or they're writing about people that are awake right now and are either up to no good or on drugs or both, nocturnal miscreants that are probably rummaging through cars as you read and as I type this or people fighting with other vampires over steak or people that breathe heavily into an unwilling recipient's ear or people who chat with people online and pretend to be younger than they are or they're writing about puppies that talk like humans.

Friday, April 27, 2007

11. somebody like me

Imagine waking up to a complete carbon-copy version of yourself one morning. No, don't think of Michael Keaton in Multiplicity, you dick - just imagine what it would be like to wake up to a copy of yourself. I don't think I'd like him. Seriously. I think I would find myself annoying and moody - but he might be fun to drink with...

12. fairy dust and shit all these years


13. childrens story. A kid named kitty (meow! ) kenny. Blue jumper w/feet!

One instance. A mother and her kid came in to my work. He liked to pretend he was a cat. That was it.

14. no life on earth. Me modern

Ooohhh, i know what this is - this is cool. I've always loved this!

15. hopsing and the little bandits versus the scarlet rhemus

Seriously, I had so much fun with this. i used to draw this as a comic strip. It's only fun to me. Which is why it lasted so long.
6. it was like losing a child at k-mart

I think I was using this as a story to talk about what it feels like to break up with somebody when you're younger.

7. my ma and pa fairy tale beginnings parent meeting, how romantic it sounded and how it all eventually turned to shit.

8. writer who sells pot. Constantly interrupted

I think this is hilarious. Why this is hilarious and me going through the same thing when I don't even smoke or sell pot is beyong me, but I think this would work well more in a movie than in a story because who want top read about this guy unless you could incorporate the pot smokers story in the story that you write?

9. my world. Starting out in white room story. Perfect earth society. Meet counsel

Sci-fi-ish-sounding-like, eh?

10. bovine millennium miscalculations slaughters and the real reason they’re
celebrating + worktraps?

Either nonsense or written down towards the late part of 1999.

Explanations for the post below that you cant steal...

1. fish tank

Dont remember what this one was about -

2. why I love life now

Dont care what I love about life now, writing about what you hate makes better subject matter

3. buying beer “lookout!” story

Crap, do I really have to do this? One time, me, Tim, Mike, Joel and Tony were trying to "pimp" beer in high school - something that I ALWAYS hated doing, standing around in front of a supermarket or liquor store and trying to get somebody to buy you alcohol. Sometimes it could take 5 minutes, sometimes it could take you an hour. All of this so that you could get wasted and wander around in the bushes or sit on a bench in a public park. Sometimes, girls were involved, but with this group of guys - girls weren't, because if I was hanging out with them that night, then it was nerd/drunk-fest in a park.

Anyway, one of us approached a guy - he seemed REALLY willing, looked like a hybrid homeless guy - not homeless, but looked like it. He took our money and then when he came out he said to follow his truck with the camper shell and meet him down the street because he didnt want to hand over the booze in front of the store. Fair enough. Makes sense.

Thing that sucked was that, so the hybrid homeless guy now has all of our alcohol with him and we're following him. This guy drives not down the street but about five minutes down the street into the back of a wherehouse building. We park behing him and all get out. He starts to act like the handing off of the alcohol is like a drug deal. So, I'm standing there, looking around, feeling nervous and listening to this guy chatter away in his raspy homeless voice that's not homeless and what does that really mean and little did I KNOW that I WOULD be homeless myself and sleeping in parks and staying up all night in 24 hour donut shops about a year later. That's the karmic backlash for being a judgmental prick, I guess.

So, I'm standing there by the hybrid homeless guys truck with the camper shell and notice that the windows have a tint to it but is also taped up in p[laces. There's cracks and gaps in the campewr shell's windows. I SEE A BODY RUSTLING IN THE BACK. Like legs shifting. Did i just see an eye!!!

I freeze up, I mean fucking freeze the fucking up, my blood just grinds to a halt and I can hear the screeching in my head - but I can't say anything because the guys are nervously listening to the hybrid homeless guy talk about cops and what he used to do as a kid and to watch out, etc.

We get the beer and slowly walk back to the car, my mouth wants to shout out to the guy that Buffalo Bill from Silence Of The Lambs is in the back of this guys car and he's probably wearing a GIMP mask, my legs want to run - but I do nothing.

As were all safely back in the car and Mike starts to drive away, I tell the guys what I saw in the back of the truck - right then, the hybrid homeless guy yells, "LOOK OUT!!!"

We all screamed, Mike slammed his foot on the gas and we peeled away.

The rest of the guys told me later that they thought if they looked back that the hybrid homeless man would have a shotgun in his hands -

The image that I conjured up in my head was horrific and emotionally scarring and shall never be repeated again.

4. timid vicki stepmom who covered her teeth when she laughed, her three beautiful children + amy daughter.

Picture her two older sons/my step brothers, who looked more like Arayan Mormons thatn anything else and my hot-ass older step sister and that's all there is to the story.

5. punching butterflies from the sky

This was more rough imagery that I conjured up - that made sense at the time and I guess still makes sense to me even if it doesn't reflect how I feel or the character that I was imagining that was writing this sentence felt (huh?)

Now, I think, it would be more like "Punching Financial Security And People WWiliing To Hand Over Their Comic Book Stores For Me To Own From The Sky"

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Have You Ever Seen Such A Helpless Man - Oh No...

1. fish tank
2. why I love life now
3. buying beer “lookout!” story
4. timid vicki stepmom who covered her teeth when she laughed, her three beautiful children + amy daughter.
5. punching butterflies from the sky
6. it was like losing a child at k-mart
7. my ma and pa fairy tale beginnings
8. writer who sells pot. Constantly interrupted
9. my world. Starting out in white room story. Perfect earth society. Meet counsel
10. bovine millennium miscalculations slaughters and the real reason they’re
celebrating + worktraps?
11. somebody like me
12. fairy dust and shit all these years
13. childrens story. A kid named kitty (meow! ) kenny. Blue jumper w/feet!
14. no life on earth. Me modern
15. hopsing and the little bandits versus the scarlet rhemus
16. conformist world
fitting bookshelves
get rid of people/deviants
one corporation makes all from movies to food
17. childhood. Eating fruit and throwing rocks. E strikes back father story
18. freeway anne speed death scene/wind up in hollywood. me being one of the homeless
19. childhood2. Bread incident. Dialogue. Walk down archibald to stater bros.act, beg and sing for a dollar.
20. you know what sucks? A vacuum.
21. “wongs” restaurant aisle runnings. Whip it. The laughing vietnamese chefs in the back kitchen. Unlimited fortune cookies. Dennys give me head speech that got me in trouble when I repeated it. Was he humping her when he would stop by?
22. kid talking to the old nosferatu in chair. Research history. Pick a place!
23. stomping the washer water out w/my father in the play room. First real stories where I felt old enough to hear them, brave or curious enough to ask questions.
24. girl with sudden dreams. Every night foretelling the future until she begins to dread them. But shes too addicted, she cant stop. Blood and water dripping. Very modern? Or flashes of her in a more victorian period? Who cares, blah.
25. organ robot free verse rifts story
26. comic synopsis
27. yr. Post high school story
28. light hole in backyard. Dig. Dig.
29. mexican pizza. Chicken gordita.
30. it seems that everybodys a mother a father or a lover now except me.
31. hothouse? Whats that? Anyway…waking up in older ladys bed
32. evil kevynn
33. loves his or her cat/dog so much that they transfer(science, devil pact?) its mind into a humans? Thats pretty stupid.
34. lost number idea? Horror. Bring back dead. Look at all the classical facets of old legends and horror.
35. my version of the trench coat mafia shit. One guy ambushes one shooter. Gets guns and bombs, prowls the halls in search of others or other shooter
36. toady. About a boy with amphibious desires. No, I really meant write about today.
37. remeber when one throws a pebble into a stream that the flow of the river………
38. damians family/sis/big daddy/mean bro/dogs/nintendo
39. guy getting married to or very serious girl introduces her to his friends or best friend and finds out that they’ve gone out b4. His x gal friend, dougherty stories. ‘ that was her? ‘ ‘ why didnt you tell me? ‘
40. guy/gal
41. the most selfish thing I did today was whine in front of a walking and whistling one-armed man.
42. locked in bar…….
43. wood grain punishment.
44. man refused access to next world because he aws an organ donor-stopped at medieval midway half-realm9 hells prison.)
45. oc
46. the 23rd psalm robinson crusoe/23 people/all different/different times
On the fourth anniversary of the Iraq invasion, Alive in Baghdad brings you an assortment of Arabs and Iraqis speaking about life in Iraq and some thoughts they have for Americans and the world.

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Baghdad Treasure will also be publishing a special anniversary blog entry, collecting thoughts and opinions from many Iraqi bloggers about the war in Iraq on its 4th anniversary. We'll post a direct link as soon as he's finished it!

Monday, April 23, 2007

The Birds And The Bees...

Avian Bird Flu.
Colony Collapse Disorder.

The end of the human race.

Sex is to blame.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Bizarro House Chores...

Filling up the sink with water and putting the dirty dishes in it does not mean that you're going to do the dishes before the girlfriend gets home. It means that you are lazy and the girlfriend will give an exasperated sigh and mentally add that on her "Reason number 453 why I should've picked (fill in the name of some hunky craphead) list.

Also, today I went for a walk with Chico, the tiny dog who looks like he's wearing a brown jogging suit and we visited the pigs, cows and sheep down by the local college. I've found out that Chico could care less about pigs, likes to pee repeatedly in front of the sheep and is in love with cows. He tried repeatedly to make friends with the cows and tried to get in their pen-thingys. He whined constantly, but only for the cows. I can't think of anything funny to say about this because whatever I say will probably have to do with dog-on-cow sex and that's just gross.

Friday, April 13, 2007


On pages 9 and 10 of his book Bagombo Snuff Box: Uncollected Short Fiction, Vonnegut listed eight rules for writing a short story:

1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.

2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.

3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.

4. Every sentence must do one of two things -- reveal character or advance the action.

5. Start as close to the end as possible.

6. Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them -- in order that the reader may see what they are made of.

7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.

8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Friday, April 06, 2007

What I Want RIGHT NOW...

I know, it's not very Buddhist of me but -


A bmx bike and a dirt track.
Launch ramp.
Lunch and/or drinks with Stephen King, Orson Scott Card, Joe Quesada, Warren Ellis and Zelda Fitzgerald.
Millions in VC funding.
The voice of James Earl Jones.
The Heigth of David Prowse.
A personal assistant.
A pet Hobbit, Ewok, Knobby and Snork.
A photographic memory.
Alan Moore's freedom.
Ernest Hemingway's skull.

And an un-cancerous cigarette and more powerful Bud Light.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Jane And Dick...

First book that I ever read was Dick And Jane. Last book I ever read was a graphic novel about a girl coming to grips with her lesbianism and forgiving her dead, closeted, gay father.

Same book, I think.

William Meets Debbie Meets The Dog Alien?



Approach of a large ship.

The PING of homing radar.


As it slides past, enormous letters: KANSAS CITY.


From below Kansas City as a wide bay opens.

The interceptor comes INTO FRAME and is drawn up into the brightly-lit hold.

The bay closes.


Kansas City. Receding. Gone.

The stars.



DVDA and OPP...


Just post a pic and go to sleep...