Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Molly, Isn't A Cockle A Mussel Too?

Seriously bored out of my mind at job #2. Not #1 because #1 is well, #1 stupid. No, #1 job is not stupid - you're stupid for thinking that job#1 is stupid and not #1.

Yeah, and the city chopped down all of the trees around my house and in my backyard so now the place looks like dog shit and people will be able to see me in the patio area. Dummies.

Otherwise, I can't wait to get home and order the Bud-Light Combo, with a side of Vodka Redbulls and some extra cigarettes, please. And sure, why not super-size it?

Fucking brilliant weekend, this will be.

Friday, November 17, 2006


I should take Crispin Glovers trailer
to his new movie, "What Is It?"
off of my MySpace?

It's kind of hard to explain at work.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

I woke up at 8 a.m. to beat the crowds at the DMV. When I've done this in the past, there's always been a line of about fifty people waiting for it to open anyway. So, I was expecting to wait a bit - but happy to wait the thirty minutes, as opposed to the obligatory two hours without an appointment. (I had actually scheduled an appointment for the day before - but forgot because I'm a douchbag.)

Lo-and-behold, it took me a grand total of five seconds to walk through the door and get help. When I received my number, I stood around, looking to see what number was up next...mine! Hmmmm....Interesting.

Now, no matter if the actual three employees that I came in contact with spoke to me like a judge does to a pedophile awaiting trial.

Forget that all of the previously mentioned employees looked like a constipated manatee, a sloth with a cleft lip and a roach with something in his teeth - forget all of this.

Forget why I was there - forget that I don't really know anything about rules, laws and about how society functions and that no matter what and no matter where I am - I'll always end up owing money to something because, once again - I'm a douchebag.

What's most important. What really matters about all of this - is that...

Something that's a given, the way that something always works - (at least in my world) didn't happen today.

It's kind of like, if you always forgot not to lean against the oven and then one day? Hey, no burning! Or maybe if you realized that now that you're home from a buffet-filled Vegas trip - you never took a dump once? Going out at a bar and no jock fights? Seriously? Having all of your monthly bills lower than you expected? Really?

Yeah, long-winded diatribe, I know.

BUT - listen to me. This kind of crap makes me nervous. The whole, something-cool-and-unexpected-and-actually-convenient-for-me-thing. Not used to it, don't like it, don't trust it. SO. I need to do something to counter-balance what happened to me this morning at the DMV. I need to do - what then?

Ahah! I've got it! I'm going to do something horrible to something nice that I usually encounter. Like, be rude to people that work at businesses that I frequent. I can save all of my dogs poop and then at night lay the piles out strategically all over the park for people to step in. I can overcharge people when I bartend and "short pour" their drinks. I will pinch little children's eyelids when their parents aren't looking.

It's all about balance. Never trust luck or fate. Random acts of pleasantness fortell impending doom. Beware.


Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Ghost Rider Versus Jack Sprat Versus The Haiti Kid...

I can't wait for a horrible tragedy to happen to me -

So, that I can truly appreciate how wonderful life is right now.