Wednesday, September 19, 2012

George Died...

"Fuck all of this shit, I never wanted everybody to have a big fucking thing."

12 years of conversations with George.

I've never had such a great buddy.

I will always miss you, you hard-ass-bastard-with AN AMAZING HEART.

Everybody that you knew after your wife died - you knew through me.

You fought in Korea. Wined, dined and died with your ladies.

You were a tough fucker but had a heart of gold.

You were always on my side.

I gave you water, transported you to various beds and held your hand.

You hated this and a lot of shit since I met you.

I'm glad that I was here for you, buddy and you were, so HERE for ME in all of those years.

I'm so glad that you're gone.

You told me and thanked me repeatedly for being with you through all of these years and especially through all of the recent bullshit and I thank you for being my best friend. Just fucking ANYWAY.

And now what, George?

The Ghost George isa comin', methinks...

Hell help us both.

SHE SAID from: War All the Time by Charles Bukowski

what are you doing with all those paper
napkins in your car?
we dont have napkins like
how come your car radio is
always turned to some
rock and roll station?do you drive around with
young thing?

dripping tangerine
juice on the floor.
whenever you go into
the kitchen
this towel gets
wet and dirty,
why is that?

when you let my
bathwater run
you never
clean the
tub first.

why don't you
put your toothbrush
in the rack?

you should always
dry your razor
I think
you hate
my cat.

Martha says
you were
sitting with her
and you
had your
pants off.

you shouldn't wear
$100 shoes in
the garden

and you don't keep
of what you
plant out there


you must always
set the cat's bowl back
the same place.
bake fish
in a frying

I never saw
harder on the
brakes of their
than you.

let's go
to a

listen what's
wrong with you?
you act

Tuesday, September 11, 2012


“I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing.” 
― Neil Gaiman


I will miss you.

Friday, September 07, 2012

Found this...

June 4, 2012
Hi Pooper!

I just thought I would leave a little note.  I want to tell you how much I loooooove you and that I recently saw/read what you posted on your blog, and couldn’t help but wonder if some of it was about us… Or rather me in particular. The post entitled ‘You’?  I really liked it, and whether is was a comment on our love or connection, I want you to know that I have never lost my love for you or us. It may not show as strongly as it did when we first met, but it is as deep and vast as the universe and it continues to grow every second. You are a beautiful man, a loving friend, and a sensitive lover. I am forever grateful for our first dance and couldn’t imagine you not in my life.

Thank you for making me feel special, and for always treating me with love and respect. Now, don’t stay up too late- You need rest!



"You were sick, but now you are well again. And there's work to be done." 

It’s a Vonnegut quote. He had a fictional character named Kilgore Trout that is prevalent in a lot of his books. He travels through time a lot. Even though that I have not read as many books of Vonnegut’s as I would like – I appreciate his talent, lack of conformity and his abundant imagination. The picture is my nod to Kilgore Trout. The quote above grabbed my attention and was very relative to an absorption of my own past, present and future.

 “I am The Great Yellow Hope.”

Random thought in my head.

can always find it again
anybody can
but what matters most
is what you do with it
now that you have it

I was talking to myself but also talking to anybody and everybody. It wasn’t directed towards you. Kind of a loose, Buddhist Mantra. Like me writing in a journal. Like me telling something to a kid or like me telling something to a friend. Part of it is a reminder to myself and anybody who has to be reminded to recognize beauty and opportunity when in presents itself. To tap into the learn(ed) self and not and to convert regrets into positivity. To be better with love. To recognize how unappreciated it was and cognizant of how important it is?

that you know what I'm doing
my fear is that
before that you know how much better that I've made things
that you'll be gone before you see it”
I’m a work-in-progress. Yet, worth it. This was also written about world history, human nature and my want to see humans to continue to explore this world and others. Meow.
make beats in the background
we, (wo)men
filled with woe
woo and whoa and wring and waste
our will, wants and wishes
until we're beat”
To make it quick – it was my version of an old-school type of “Beat Poem” about women complaining about men. I write things like this shit above, or at least in this style because I’m lazy/lazier at a certain hour. I like book-ending things or having them come in a dumb full-circle. This just happened to really make me smile though. The women are talking about….aww fuck it. You get it. I didn’t write it like this on purpose. It just came out. I revised it. Sometimes even the tiniest things can take time for me. Sometimes. It sucks and I know it sucks and I either put it away on paper, save it to draft or erase the shite. Anyway…I like it.

Hmmm…I loved seeing something that you wrote to me, all prepped up on the computer for when I got home. I fucking love it. You doomed me though, Love! How can I NOT respond to you? I love you reading anything that I’ve written, I love sharing everything with you. I do. I want to share even more with you! Ask me questions! Write stories with me! Paint with me! Sculpt with me! Do dumb shit with me! You’ve kept me up and I will probably be up when your alarm goes off. I’ve been in the backyard for a long time, kind of cold. It drizzled a bit. The moon is still out even though it’s 4:48 in the A.M. It’s noisy. The Fullerton trains are making a ruckus. Terry Barr invited me to his bachelor party weekend but it’s when your Mom and Caden are going to be down. Why haven’t I called my Dad? I think that I just more Malone history for our kids in the last month. I’m not going to beat myself up over this anymore. They were never a part of my life. I appreciate them and want them to be around for as long as possible. They probably will. Sometimes it’s better. Life is not defined by your past but by the quality of your life today. The battery just ran out on this computer. Your alarm will go off in 14 minutes. I love you with all of my heart, Rachel and I will always be here for you. I promise this. I will be the man that you love and will diligently and constantly strive to be the man that you and I…deserve.