noh

oh
so easy for YOU to judge me
because I'm still awake today
yet
YOUR decisions yesterday
you've forgotten already

Unpublished on 11/28/17, 4:58 AM Pacific Daylight Time

There will never be enough words
and enough time
to fill the space that i need
in all of the emptiness that youve provided
and in all other voids that exist within all of the voids

i cant
ive known this
dont you?

i have
i do
sometimes
ive tried harder
sometimes i dont try at all defintely dont do as much as some
and maybe i can do more
i try
but I know that its a lot more than you

at least ive tried
and, hey
this place is my constant


rememebr that its usually been your choice
as to how much you continue to look at the person in front of you
or of the things that the person in the mirror that painds you in the mirriri
its been up to you as to how much time that oiuyve been choosing to stare into the abyss
teyre the person who has a lot less control than you do
ans also remember
becaus etheyre the ones who have to see their oreflectionion in the mirror
and also remember

the abyss could also be saying the same thing about you right now

UNPUBLISHED NOVEMBER 2017........You SUCK...

You're the vampire that turned me into the living dead. 

Describe the 40 year old's house from the 30 years old's perspective. Like he's a legit interviewer. Describe the set up for the interview. And the room and the house that the interview is taking place in. Describe some of the 40 year old's mannerisms, etc.

30 - Before we start - I've got to say...I'm a HUGE fan.

40 - What? Seriously? That's kind of dumb. You...WE used to interview bands a little bit back in the day. That's what you say as an introduction? I - WE hate that shit! What's wrong with you? You okay, dude? And I'm looking at you too, dude You look fucking skinny, man. You look like I would if I did drugs. But you don't, I know. You need health insurance too and dental insurance. Seriously. Get that shit.

30 - You look...well. Ummm. Wait. What? Seriously. I mean - I am. I'm doing it, you know - I've just gotta -

40 - Nah. No, you're not.

30 - So. Uhmmm. So......you're not married, huh? And no kids? Dude. what happened?

40 - Nothing.

30 - I know, but - you know, I just kinda thought by now that -

40 - Nope. You and D broke up when you were 32. Sorry, buddy. Then came C and then came M and then came L and then came R and then came another M. Some were tiny dating relationships and don't really count. You have this to look forward to in the next ten years, dude. But it's good. It wasn't bad. Obviously there were some pretty heart-heavy and emotionally, fucking, heavy months and years but - it's okay. You will learn a shitload of stuff, my friend.

30 - Holy crap.

40 - Yeah...

30 - But what happened?

40 - Nothing, really. It's just people, man. Like I said - you'll learn a lot.

30 - Who was your - our favorite? Like, who did you -

40 - Dude. Seriously. Ask me something else.

30 - Okay. Sure. Ummm...Soooooo....I don't know what to say now.

40 - DUMB.

30 - Dude, that's not cool.

40 - Sorry. I'm not trying to be a dick. I love you. DUH. I really do. I'm just super tired and I get bored easily. ADHD, madness, compassion and I'm trying to bail out water in this tiny, yet tough boat that I'm in. I've got enough shit on my plate, man. Like, I'm sitting here -SUPER FUCKING TIRED. Like, I feel like I'm dying. Like I'm fucking dead. I'm dead when I'm awake. I'm a kid. I'm a zombie. I'm stupid. I'm wicked smaht, though. WICKED SMAHT.

30 - That sounds dumb.

40 - Yeah, dude. I'm sorry. Seriously. You've got a lot ahead of you.

30 - No. That sounds dumb what you said.

40 - What?

30 - I don't think that you've grown up that much, man - this is just what I'm saying. you like to talk. WE -I like to talk, yeah - for sure, but - DUDE. You sound just like me right now but just filled with more bullshit. you're not giving me that much hope. I mean, you're totally -

40 - Seriously? Awww...fuck yourself then. Go write some poetry, go...GO FUC

A VERY SERIOUS RUMBLING. ROLLING THUNDER. LED ZEPPELIN LIGHTNING. A SEAM IN THE FABRIC OF OUR REALITY SPLITS SUDDENLY. WE SEE A BLOODSHOT SHARK-LIKE EYE OF AN OLD GOD. TESSERACTS, RIFTS,-BLEEDING- SHIMMY-HADRON-COLLIDING-TYPES-OF-DEMONS POUR-THROUGH DIMENSIONAL TEARS LIKE THE TEARS OF

They wake up. Sudnly . lik a baddreamm from

KEVIN

KEVIN!!!

Kevynn?

......

...

............

42 - Hmprphhh...huh?....Hughhh? HOYYYYY!!!

30 - KEVIN!

42 - OH MY GOD! Wait? What? Hey! Hey, guys - I'm  - wait...HOLY SHIT...

30 - See?

42 - Wait. What see. Fuck you. What see. Fuck you. DUDE.

30 - Express yourself differently. Time is all that you've got on your side and that's a guarantee tHAT YOU DONT HJSAFHFKJHSFAJKHFSKJHFSKJSFHKJSAH

BZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANNOUNCER: The Columbia Broadcasting System and its affiliated stations present Orson Welles and the Mercury Theatre on the Air in The War of the Worlds by H. G. Wells.

(MUSIC: MERCURY THEATRE MUSICAL THEME)

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen: the director of the Mercury Theatre and star of these broadcasts, Orson Welles . . .

ORSON WELLES: We know now that in the early years of the twentieth century this world was being watched closely by intelligences greater than man's and yet as mortal as his own. We know now that as human beings busied themselves about their various concerns they were scrutinized and studied, perhaps almost as narrowly as a man with a microscope might scrutinize the transient creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. With infinite complacence people went to and fro over the earth about their little affairs, serene in the assurance of their dominion over this small spinning fragment of solar driftwood which by chance or design man has inherited out of the dark mystery of Time and Space. Yet across an immense ethereal gulf, minds that to our minds as ours are to the beasts in the jungle, intellects vast, cool and unsympathetic, regarded this earth with envious eyes and slowly and surely drew their plans against us. In the thirty-ninth year of the twentieth century came the great disillusionment.
It was near the end of October. Business was better. The war scare was over. More men were back at work. Sales were picking up. On this particular evening, October 30, the Crosley service estimated that thirty-two million people were listening in on radios.

ANNOUNCER: . . .for the next twenty-four hours not much change in temperature. A slight atmospheric disturbance of undetermined origin is reported over Nova Scotia, causing a low pressure area to move down rather rapidly over the northeastern states, bringing a forecast of rain, accompanied by winds of light gale force. Maximum temperature 66; minimum 48. This weather report comes to you from the Government Weather Bureau. . . . We now take you to the Meridian Room in the Hotel Park Plaza in downtown New York, where you will be entertained by the music of Ramón Raquello and his orchestra.

(MUSIC: SPANISH THEME SONG [A TANGO] AND THEN THE KNIGHT RIDER THEME. . . FADES)

ANNOUNCER THREE: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. From the Meridian Room in the Park Plaza in New York City, we bring you the music of Ramón Raquello and his orchestra. With a touch of the Spanish. Ramón Raquello leads off with "La Cumparsita."

(PIECE STARTS PLAYING)

ANNOUNCER TWO: Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of dance music to bring you a special bulletin from the Intercontinental Radio News. At twenty minutes before eight, central time, Professor Farrell of the Mount Jennings Observatory, Chicago, Illinois, reports observing several explosions of incandescent gas, occurring at regular intervals on the planet Mars. The spectroscope indicates the gas to be hydrogen and moving towards the earth with enormous velocity. Professor Pierson of the Observatory at Princeton confirms Farrell's observation, and describes the phenomenon as (quote) like a jet of blue flame shot from a gun (unquote). We now return you to the music of Ramón Raquello, playing for you in the Meridian Room of the Park Plaza Hotel, situated in downtown New York.

(MUSIC PLAYS FOR A FEW MOMENTS UNTIL PIECE ENDS . . . SOUNDS OF APPLAUSE)

ANNOUNCER THREE: Now a tune that never loses favor, the ever-popular "Star Dust." Ramón Raquello and his orchestra . . .

(MUSIC)

ANNOUNCER TWO: Ladies and gentlemen, following on the news given in our bulletin a moment ago, the Government Meteorological Bureau has requested the large observatories of the country to keep an astronomical watch on any further disturbances occurring on the planet Mars. Due to the unusual nature of this occurrence, we have arranged an interview with noted astronomer. Professor Pierson, who will give us his views on the event. in a few moments we will take you to the Princeton Observatory at Princeton, New Jersey. We return you until then to the music of Ramón Raquello and his orchestra.

(MUSIC . . .)

ANNOUNCER TWO: We are now ready to take you to the Princeton Observatory at Princeton where Carl Phillips, or commentator, will interview Professor Richard Pierson, famous astronomer. We take you now to Princeton, New Jersey.

(ECHO CHAMBER)

PHILLIPS: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is Carl Phillips, speaking to you from the observatory at Princeton. I am standing in a large semi-circular room, pitch black except for an oblong split in the ceiling. Through this opening I can see a sprinkling of stars that cast a kind of frosty glow over the intricate mechanism of the huge telescope. The ticking sound you hear is the vibration of the clockwork. Professor Pierson stands directly above me on a small platform, peering through a giant lens. I ask you to be patient, ladies and gentlemen, during any delay that may arise during our interview. Besides his ceaseless watch of the heavens, Professor Pierson may be interrupted by telephone or other communications. During this period he is in constant touch with the astronomical centers of the world . . . Professor, may I begin our questions?

PIERSON: At any time, Mr. Phillips.

PHILLIPS: Professor, would you please tell our radio audience exactly what you see as you observe the planet Mars through your telescope?

PIERSON: Nothing unusual at the moment, Mr. Phillips. A red disk swimming in a blue sea. Transverse stripes across the disk. Quite distinct now because Mars happens to be the point nearest the earth . . . in opposition, as we call it.

PHILLIPS: In your opinion, what do these transverse stripes signify, Professor Pierson?

PIERSON: Not canals, I can assure you, Mr. Phillips, although that's the popular conjecture of those who imagine Mars to be inhabited. From a scientific viewpoint the stripes are merely the result of atmospheric conditions peculiar to the planet.

PHILLIPS: Then you're quite convinced as a scientist that living intelligence as we know it does not exist on Mars?

PIERSON: I'd say the chances against it are a thousand to one.

PHILLIPS: And yet how do you account for those gas eruptions occurring on the surface of the planet at regular intervals?

PIERSON: Mr. Phillips, I cannot account for it.

PHILLIPS: By the way, Professor, for the benefit of our listeners, how far is Mars from earth?

PIERSON: Approximately forty million miles.

PHILLIPS: Well, that seems a safe enough distance.

(OFF MIKE) Thank you.

(PAUSE)

PHILLIPS: Just a moment, ladies and gentlemen, someone has just handed Professor Pierson a message. While he reads it, let me remind you that we are speaking to you from the observatory in Princeton, New Jersey, where we are interviewing the world- famous astronomer, Professor Pierson . . . One moment, please. Professor Pierson has passed me a message which he has just received . . . Professor, may I read the message to the listening audience?

PIERSON: Certainly, Mr. Phillips.

PHILLIPS: Ladies and gentlemen, I shall read you a wire addressed to Professor Pierson from Dr. Gray of the National History Museum, New York. "9:15 P. M. eastern standard time. Seismograph registered shock of almost earthquake intensity occurring within a radius of twenty miles of Princeton. Please investigate. Signed, Lloyd Gray, Chief of Astronomical Division" . . . Professor Pierson, could this occurrence possibly have something to do with the disturbances observed on the planet Mars?

PIERSON: Hardly, Mr. Phillips. This is probably a meteorite of unusual size and its arrival at this particular time is merely a coincidence. However, we shall conduct a search, as soon as daylight permits.

PHILLIPS: Thank you, Professor. Ladies and gentlemen, for the past ten minutes we've been speaking to you from the observatory at Princeton, bringing you a special interview with Professor Pierson, noted astronomer. This is Carl Phillips speaking. We are returning you now to our New York studio.

(FADE IN PIANO PLAYING)

ANNOUNCER TWO: Ladies and gentlemen, here is the latest bulletin from the Intercontinental Radio News. Toronto, Canada: Professor Morse of McGill University reports observing a total of three explosions on the planet Mars, between the hours of 7:45 P. M. and 9:20 P. M., eastern standard time. This confirms earlier reports received from American observatories. Now, nearer home, comes a special announcement from Trenton, New Jersey. It is reported that at 8:50 P. M. a huge, flaming object, believed to be a meteorite, fell on a farm in the neighborhood of Grovers Mill, New Jersey, twenty-two miles from Trenton.
The flash in the sky was visible within a radius of several hundred miles and the noise of the impact was heard as far north as Elizabeth.
We have dispatched a special mobile unit to the scene, and will have our commentator, Carl Phillips, give you a word description as soon as he can reach there from Princeton. In the meantime, we take you to the Hotel Martinet in Brooklyn, where Bobby Millette and his orchestra are offering a program of dance music.

(HIPSTER MUSIC FOR TWENTY SECONDS . . . THEN CUT)

ANNOUNCER TWO: We take you now to Grovers Mill, New Jersey.

(CROWD NOISES . . . POLICE SIRENS)

The now-43-year Kevin wakes up in a house. A house that he lived in for three months way back in 2007. From the 30 years old's perspective, this add more confusion to the proverbial Poop Pot. It's like he's being toyed with now. He's frantic. Numb. Curious. Ready to die. Does this make sense? How is this possible? He's thinking that his life is akin to blog posts read by aliens. This makes no sense either. He's ready  to fall on a rusty camping knife spied nearby but...

"Describe the set up for the interview."

"And the room and the house that the interview is taking place in."

"Describe some of the 40 year old's mannerisms, etc."

This flits through his last, fading and diminuitive thoughts. EVERYTHING and NOTHINg in brain and soul-wheezes.

AND THIS.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYimgupCqJw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYimgupCqJw

I'm not the same

but maybe it"s a good thing
is it a good thing or a bad thing or a thingthing
that I thinkthink
too much
and feelfeel too much
the boat
and the mostest
of these feelings
my heart emoting
the closest

that I'm feeling

It's not the same

My Heroes......

Gene Kelley
Stephen King
Jane Goodall
Spike Jones(z) (Both of them, I guess)
ALF
David Addison
Danny from Grease and from Kaye
Peter Parker
Dick Greyson
Dennis B.
George Little
Anne Rich
Nien Numb

SNOKE...

Something

Requesting permission to land...

"I wish I could put you in a cage with about a million mice an' let you have fun." His anger left him suddenly. He looked across the fire at Lennie's anguished face, and then he looked ashamedly at the flames.

I'm not dumb. I swear. I'm not slow. I'm quite the opposite. There are so many dumpster fires on in my mind that I have to turn off the stove before the lknsaflnfanklfas

SQUIRREL!!!
I'll brb

YOU ALWAYS LOOKED DUMB IN THAT PHARELL HAT......

Why do we listen to the sad and depressing music playlists more than the happy ones?

Hi.

Bye.

The Art of War...

In the sun, in the sun
I feel as one
In the sun, in the sun
Married, buried

L. A. Woman - The Doors

Thank you...

Brianne
Ryan
Ted.com
Jenny
Laura
Matt
Gretchen
Nikki
Paul
Mark
kyle
wilsons
April
Jamal
Chris
Sam
Sarah
Jen
Alan
Anne
Ron
Amy
Courtney
Paul!
Josue
I'm sorry, Bobby.
Yay, Jesse.
Amanda Lindsey
Fran Lindsey
Lizzie J
Lizzie H
Luis
Kelly Chid
TONY
CHRIS
JOE FUCKING PITOCCO
Dawne, sweet, little Dawne
Oh, Rachel
Dennis B. DUDE. So much.
Bob. M.
My Austin friends.
My Alta Loma friends.
Adam Langlois
Larry.
Steve.
Martha.
Johnsons
OMG, Patma
Danma
Jesse Cripps
La Tour
Snavema

Hi.

I'm at least, halfway through my life.

I want to be a Ferris
to your Simone
to be a Danny
to your Sandy
Pee Wee
to your Chairee

mooooo

later

You, Me and Everything Above and Below The Trees...

Our war ends TODAY.

My 30-Year Old Self Interviewed My 40-Year Old Self...DRAFT

My 30-Year Old Self Interviewied My 40-Year Old Self...DRAFT

Describe the 40 year old's house from the 30 years old's perspective. Like he's a legit interviewer. Describe the set up for the interview. And the room and the house that the interview is taking place in. Describe some of the 40 year old's mannerisms, etc.

30 - Before we start - I've got to say...I'm a HUGE fan.

40 - What? Seriously? That's kind of dumb. You...WE used to interview bands a little bit back in the day. That's what you say as an introduction? I - WE hate that shit! What's wrong with you? You okay, dude? And I'm looking at you too, dude You look fucking skinny, man. You look like I would if I did drugs. But you don't, I know. You need health insurance too and dental insurance. Seriously. Get that shit.

30 - You look...well. Ummm. Wait. What? Seriously. I mean - I am. I'm doing it, you know - I've just gotta -

40 - Nah. No, you're not.

30 - So. Uhmmm. So......you're not married, huh? And no kids? Dude. what happened?

40 - Nothing.

30 - I know, but - you know, I just kinda thought by now that -

40 - Nope. You and D broke up when you were 32. Sorry, buddy. Then came C and then came M and then came L and then came R and then came another M. Some were tiny dating relationships and don't really count. You have this to look forward to in the next ten years, dude. But it's good. It wasn't bad. Obviously there were some pretty heart-heavy and emotionally, fucking, heavy months and years but - it's okay. You will learn a shitload of stuff, my friend.

30 - Holy crap.

40 - Yeah...

30 - But what happened?

40 - Nothing, really. It's just people, man. Like I said - you'll learn a lot.

30 - Who was your - our favorite? Like, who did you -

40 - Dude. Seriously. Ask me something else.

30 - Okay. Sure. Ummm...Soooooo....I don't know what to say now.

40 - DUMB.

30 - Dude, that's not cool.

40 - Sorry. I'm not trying to be a dick. I love you. DUH. I really do. I'm just super tired and I get bored easily. ADHD, madness, compassion and I'm trying to bail out water in this tiny, yet tough boat that I'm in. I've got enough shit on my plate, man. Like, I'm sitting here -SUPER FUCKING TIRED. Like, I feel like I'm dying. Like I'm fucking dead. I'm dead when I'm awake. I'm a kid. I'm a zombie. I'm stupid. I'm wicked smaht, though. WICKED SMAHT.

30 - That sounds dumb.

40 - Yeah, dude. I'm sorry. Seriously. You've got a lot ahead of you.

30 - No. That sounds dumb what you said.

40 - What?

30 - I don't think that you've grown up that much, man - this is just what I'm saying. you like to talk. WE -I like to talk, yeah - for sure, but - DUDE. You sound just like me right now but just filled with more bullshit. you're not giving me that much hope. I mean, you're totally -

40 - Seriously? Awww...fuck yourself then. Go write some poetry, go...GO FUC

41 - HELLOOOOOO??????

30 - Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......

41 - HEY!

30 - ( Slepp murmuring) I THOUGHT THEY SMELLED BAD..On..THE INSIDES...

41 - WAKE UP!!!

30 - DUDE. This is bumming me out.

41 - I fucking hate you. I hate this...wait...how can I hate THIS? Like...THIS? DUDE. I don't really hate YOU.

30 - Yeah. You hate you. Stupid hater-guy-future-jerk.

41 - ............

30 - Every time that you write a period in an elipsis an angel gets cancer in their hollow, brittle bird bones.

41 - ......

41 - ......

30 - Keep on killing angels, Freakazoid.

41 - ........I......HATE......YOU...........................

Thank you, Dear Reader...

The subject is misleading but fitting. We have never met. I just wanted to reach out and thank you. 

Somehow I stumbled across your blog years ago. I don't know why or how but I know when and it's the when that matters. I was going through some things. I lost someone close to me. I needed an escape. I didn't know what to do or how to cope. That's where you come in. You see, your blog inspired me to write. I have read every entry and whether it was a quote or lyrics or something personally philosophical it spoke to me when I needed it.

So sincerely, thank you. Thank you for helping me cope, inspiring me to write (even if its only for myself), and continuing to do your blog. Because on nights like tonight it's nice to check in and see if you've written anything new. It's nice to be able to randomly stop by and say "hello old friend". 

bb

I write less on here because of you.

ADD ADHD

ktm

Describe the 40 year old's house from the 30 years old's perspective. Like he's a legit interviewer. Describe the set up for the interview. And the room and the house that the interview is taking place in. Describe some of the 40 year old's mannerisms, etc.

30 - Before we start - I've got to say...I'm a HUGE fan.

40 - What? Seriously? That's kind of dumb. You...WE used to interview bands a little bit back in the day. That's what you say as an introduction? I - WE hate that shit! What's wrong with you? You okay, dude? And I'm looking at you too, dude You look fucking skinny, man. You look like I would if I did drugs. But you don't, I know. You need health insurance too and dental insurance. Seriously. Get that shit.

30 - You look...well. Ummm. Wait. What? Seriously. I mean - I am. I'm doing it, you know - I've just gotta -

40 - Nah. No, you're not.

30 - So. Uhmmm. So......you're not married, huh? And no kids? Dude. what happened?

40 - Nothing.

30 - I know, but - you know, I just kinda thought by now that -

40 - Nope. You and D broke up when you were 32. Sorry, buddy. Then came C and then came M and then came L and then came R and then came another M. Some were tiny dating relationships and don't really count. You have this to look forward to in the next ten years, dude. But it's good. It wasn't bad. Obviously there were some pretty heart-heavy and emotionally, fucking, heavy months and years but - it's okay. You will learn a shitload of stuff, my friend.

30 - Holy crap.

40 - Yeah...

30 - But what happened?

40 - Nothing, really. It's just people, man. Like I said - you'll learn a lot.

30 - Who was your - our favorite? Like, who did you -

40 - Dude. Seriously. Ask me something else.

30 - Okay. Sure. Ummm...Soooooo....I don't know what to say now.

40 - DUMB.

30 - Dude, that's not cool.

40 - Sorry. I'm not trying to be a dick. I love you. DUH. I really do. I'm just super tired and I get bored easily. ADHD, madness, compassion and I'm trying to bail out water in this tiny, yet tough boat that I'm in. I've got enough shit on my plate, man. Like, I'm sitting here -SUPER FUCKING TIRED. Like, I feel like I'm dying. Like I'm fucking dead. I'm dead when I'm awake. I'm a kid. I'm a zombie. I'm stupid. I'm wicked smaht, though. WICKED SMAHT.

30 - That sounds dumb.

40 - Yeah, dude. I'm sorry. Seriously. You've got a lot ahead of you.

30 - No. That sounds dumb what you said.

40 - What?

30 - I don't think that you've grown up that much, man - this is just what I'm saying. you like to talk. WE -I like to talk, yeah - for sure, but - DUDE. You sound just like me right now but just filled with more bullshit. you're not giving me that much hope. I mean, you're totally -

40 - Seriously? Awww...fuck yourself then. Go write some poetry, go...GO FUC

A VERY SERIOUS RUMBLING. ROLLING THUNDER. LED ZEPPELIN LIGHTNING. A SEAM IN THE FABRIC OF OUR REALITY SPLITS SUDDENLY. WE SEE A BLOODSHOT SHARK-LIKE EYE OF AN OLD GOD. TESSERACTS, RIFTS, BLEEDS, SHIMMYS, HADRON DEMONS POUR THRPOUGH DIMENSIONAL TEARS LIKE THE TEARS OF

They wake up. Sudnly . lik a bed dreem from

DUDE!

I haven't seen you in a while! How are you? Are you well?

Dude, like - seriously! How are you?