Samurai Sabers...

I started on scratch paper. I did notebooks for years. I bought an old Smith Corona, powder blue, pounding machine. Then procured an old electric typewriter for kicks. I wrote on an old word processor briefly. I bought my first computer from a store that offered you two years of Hotmail access and the PC computer tower for 250 dollars. It was a great deal but barely affordable for me at the time. Years later I bought another computer that lasted longer then it should've. I worked for a startup company and was given my work computer to work from home when they started to fizzle. I left that computer with an ex-girlfriend and then bought my first laptop. It lasted for three years. I bought a brand new Netbook from a friend. It sucked from the start. Poop machine. I bought a used MacBook Pro from a friend. I still use it. I just typed this boring diatribe on my girlfriend's Ipad2 thingy. Kind of cool. Easy. I like big keys. I'm old now. I like this. It's fucking easy to type on this machine.....but90pagenotebooksthatflipupandnottothesideandblueinkpensandoldtypewritersthatyouwritepoetryonandhavetopoundthekeys?....

Nostalgiapad.

Evening! Mourning...

I have late hours. I would write more but sometimes I have an itch to check the news about trainwrecks, tsunamis, murders, Wal-Mart, China, Colony Collapse Disorder, Bieber, Bono, Wolf Blitzer, Jamie Madrox, Paula Abdul, Afghanistan, Kobe, Monsanto, High Fructose Corn Syurp and Flu Pandemics. It goes on and on...

Then it gets later. I've visited Hotmail, Gmail, Google+, Spotify, You Tube, Break.com, The Hub, Wikipedia, Marvelpedia, Pbs.org, Esurance, Hulu, Toplessrobot, Io9, Kongregate, Ebay, etc.

Not really. I've been home for an hour. I got home, parked my car in the back of the house, turned on the heater, peed, washed my face, brushed my teeth, took my mace, keys, wallet, cigarettes and Zippo out of my pockets, changed my clothes, put leftovers in the fridge, made a drink and then turned on this computer.

Now I'm watching the clock.

What to do?

Write?

I just found this. wrtite? Hahaha!!! hagrid colliders?

You just prevented me from writing about all of the amazing things that I was going to write about
i was going to wrtite about hagrid colliders hig boson elmo centrist fight club hitler vs lincoln logs versus haliburton oompa loompa lamas panchen and the dalai

Enter Presentation Mode...

Urgh. This laptop burns my kneetops. Just saying.

I need some Bengay
for my knees-ay
just to do writing-ay today-ay.

IMSO

here for you and I hope that you will continue to ghost me with your presents
things get better and they get deeper than the levels of
a Salton Sea
a Sea of
shells and skulls
I see The Shore

neverthought I'd get there before

Zombies are the new hoboes...

I don't know how I'll get rid of all of this stuff.

Not the writing, but all of the crap that I have in this place before I move soon. And when I'm in my new place...I'll be writing about not knowing to do with the stuff that I have there.

Fear Retardant

wear your galoshes
your condoms
invest in bullets
and the great hope
roll up your sleeves
hope for the best

there's work to be done

Hello. How are you? I am fine. Thank you.

Texts with Terry
Tonight about
Trying
To drop him off at
The airport next
Tuesday
The sister that I miss in
Texas
Tears on the inside, I miss her
Terribly
The
Theological discussion(s)
Tonight and
The
Time spent with
The girlfriend
The patience
The learning
The regrets
The stupid
The smart
This is it.
This is
all it i
s, ma
n.Th
is m
orta
l co
il

I can't sleep. I don't care. Don't judge me. I just can't go to bed right now. I hate the keyboard on this computer even though it's the best computer that I've ever had. I'm better than I've ever been but right now I'm hitting everything HARD. The Setupsconflictsandresolutions. They're killing me, Larry.

:)

I may not be cut out for this life...

I think that I may have latent talents that would emerge in a Zombie Infestation, an alien Invasion or in a post-apocalyptic future. I also think that my real-life skill-set would not be helpful at all because...

Zombies eat failed writers.
Aliens wouldn't want to meld with my brain.
And in a post apocalyptic future, going through old forgotten drafts on The Good Old Fat Free Milk Blog created in the year 2002 doesn't help hunger.

Even to the lactose-intolerant.

I want to meet...

Jane Goodall
Stephen king
The Dalai Lama
The REAL Panchen Lama
JJ Abrahms
Stephen King
Steve Niles
Ian MacKaye
Koko
The Rancor Keeper
Warren Ellis
Micheal Allred
Archie McPhee
Alan Moore
Terrence Malick
George Lucas and Jar Jar Binks
Dave Eggers
Harper Lee
Sigur Ros
The three remaining Doors
Ron Moore
Guillermo Del Toro
The Great Cthulhu
Deana Martin
My Grandfather(s)
John Lasseter
My Mother
Kevynn
Kevin
My C.H.U.D ASAP
Fat Free Milk in 2002 - NOW in 2022

Fat Free Hemingway...

Cần Thơ gạo trắng nước trong, Ai đi đến đó lòng không muốn về.

She describes being attracted to my father, whom she had met through acquaintances, because when she first saw him he was walking down the street, looking at the sky.

I am Jane Goodall's Tanzanian monkeys typing about not typing...

What little writing that I do now is for other people. In the last couple of years, I've written DJ bios, Blargh content, worked on other people's plays, student films, funeral rites, parking-ticket legalese, Vietnamese Pho Menus and Dr. Who action figure catalogues, etc.

I am a shitty writer. Really. A hack. But it sucks because I do the I-Am-A-Shitty-Writer-Really-A Hack-But-It-Sucks-Because-I-Do-The-I-Am-A-Shitty-Writer-Really-A-Hack-But-It-Sucks-Because-I-Do-The-I-Am-A-Shitty-Writer-Really-But-It-Sucks-Stuff.

Because...Shit, It's been a bit strange, Strangers.

I'm in my backyard right now. Typing on the laptop in the dark. Afraid of Avacados falling on my head. My head is tick-tocking back and forth like a Metronome. I want to get drunk and to put down every single, fucking, goddamn thing before it's too late.

It's not about the amount of hours passing and pissing away anymore
but
It's all about the amount of time not creating and writing about
What's here
and not anymore.

The bulk of my writing that I do now will be only for me.

A shark jumped the shark a long time time ago...

ratings are low
but this show will never be canceled
never

Chess. Smoke. Poem. Soda Pop. Jeanette Walls. Smoke. Hulu/Nova.com = Sleestak-hissing sleep.

Fat Free Milk

Meet Me (1996 Notebook)

There's a sad song on
no one to read this
and only one person to write it

as long as I live
I will never give up
I'll still laugh
and even
in poverty and poetry
I'll still know more
and be
more aware of things
than all of you

I'm just waiting
and am tired
       of fighting
       the invisibles
that only I
       can see

Samuel Twain And Stephen Bachman...

Exiting Wormholes at the same time =

I wrote a lot when I was more stupider.

-

Every day
Waging war
With Peace

I sailed a wild, wild sea
Climbed up a tall, tall mountain
I met a old, old man
Beneath a weeping willow tree
He said now if you got some questions
Go and lay them at my feet
But my time here is brief
So you'll have to pick just three

And I said
What do you do with the pieces of a broken heart
And how can a man like me remain in the light
And if life is really as short as they say
Then why is the night so long
And then the sun went down
And he sang for me this song

See I once was a young fool like you
Afraid to do the things
That I knew I had to do
So I played an escapade just like you
I played an escapade just like you
I sailed a wild, wild sea
Climbed up a tall, tall mountain
I met an old, old man
He sat beneath a sapling tree
He said now if you got some questions
Go and lay them at my feet
But my time here is brief
So you'll have to pick just three

And I said
What do you do with the pieces of a broken heart
And how can a man like me remain in the light
And if life is really as short as they say
Then why is the night so long
And then the sun went down
And he played for me this song

From the Desk of Terrence Malick.....

We trace the evolution of an eleven-year-old boy in the Midwest, Jack, one of three brothers. At first all seems marvelous to the child. He sees as his mother does with the eyes of his soul. She represents the way of love and mercy, where the father tries to teach his son the world’s way of putting oneself first. Each parent contends for his allegiance, and Jack must reconcile their claims. The picture darkens as he has his first glimpses of sickness, suffering and death. The world, once a thing of glory, becomes a labyrinth.
From this story is that of adult Jack, a lost soul in a modern world, seeking to discover amid the changing scenes of time that which does not change: the eternal scheme of which we are a part. When he sees all that has gone into our world’s preparation, each thing appears a miracle—precious, incomparable. Jack, with his new understanding, is able to forgive his father and take his first steps on the path of life.
The story ends in hope, acknowledging the beauty and joy in all things, in the everyday and above all in the family—our first school—the only place that most of us learn the truth about the world and ourselves, or discover life’s single most important lesson, of unselfish love.

Fringe

In an alternate reality, Alternate Me woke up at a respectable seven a.m. on a Tuesday morning. Alternate Me yawned, dismissed the alarm on his iPhiloticiAnsibleiPhone, shuffled to the bathroom and after Alternate Me was finished, Alternate Me washed his hands and smiled at himself in the mirror.

Alternate Me said to his own reflection, "Trying Are World The In People Smartest The."

Apocalypse Meow

When the clouds get heavierdarkerthreatening
andirealizethati have to get out of here
and FAST
I will take my picturessomewaternicecomfortableshoes
and YOU
and iguessyourcat

Righting

on paper tonight.

So sorry.

Transcript for Stephen Hawking asks big questions about the universe

There is nothing bigger or older than the universe. Your questions I would like to talk about are: One, where did we come from? How did the universe come into being? Are we alone in the universe? Is there alien life out there? What is the future of the human race?

Up until the 1920s, everyone thought the universe was essentially static and unchanging in time. Then it was discovered that the universe was expanding. Distant galaxies were moving away from us. This meant they must have been closer together in the past. If we extrapolate back, we find we must have all been on top of each other about 15 billion years ago. This was the Big Bang, the beginning of the universe.

But was there anything before the Big Bang? If not, what created the universe? Why did the universe emerge from the Big Bang the way it did? We used to think that the theory of the universe could be divided into two parts. First, there were the laws like Maxwell's equations and general relativity that determined the evolution of the universe, given its state over all of space at one time. And second, there was no question of the initial state of the universe.

We have made good progress on the first part, and now have the knowledge of the laws of evolution in all but the most extreme conditions. But until recently, we have had little idea about the initial conditions for the universe. However, this division into laws of evolution and initial conditions depends on time and space being separate and distinct. Under extreme conditions, general relativity and quantum theory allow time to behave like another dimension of space. This removes the distinction between time and space and means the laws of evolution can also determine the initial state. The universe can spontaneously create itself out of nothing.

Moreover, we can calculate a probability that the universe was created in different states. These predictions are in excellent agreement with observations by the WMAP satellite of the cosmic microwave background, which is an imprint of the very early universe. We think we have solved the mystery of creation. Maybe we should patent the universe and charge everyone royalties for their existence.

I now turn to the second big question: Are we alone, or is there other life in the universe? We believe that life arose spontaneously on the Earth, so it must be possible for life to appear on other suitable planets, of which there seem to be a large number in the galaxy.

But we don't know how life first appeared. We have two pieces of observational evidence on the probability of life appearing. The first is that we have fossils of algae from 3.5 billion years ago. The earth was formed 4.6 billion years ago and was probably too hot for about the first half billion years. So life appeared on earth within half a billion years of it being possible, which is short compared to the ten billion-year lifetime of a planet of Earth-type. This suggests that a probability of life appearing is reasonably high. If it was very low, one would have expected it to take most of the ten billion years available.

On the other hand, we don't seem to have been visited by aliens. I am discounting the reports of UFOs. Why would they appear only to cranks and weirdos? If there is a government conspiracy to suppress the reports and keep for itself the scientific knowledge the aliens bring, it seems to have been a singularly ineffective policy so far. Furthermore, despite an extensive search by the SETI project, we haven't heard any alien television quiz shows. This probably indicates that there are no alien civilizations at our stage of development within a radius of a few hundred light years. Issuing an insurance policy against abduction by aliens seems a pretty safe bet.

This brings me to the last of the big questions: The future of the human race. If we are the only intelligent beings in the galaxy, we should make sure we survive and continue. But we are entering an increasingly dangerous period of our history. Our population and our use of the finite resources of planet Earth are growing exponentially, along with our technical ability to change the environment for good or ill. But our genetic code still carries the selfish and aggressive instincts that were of survival advantage in the past. It will be difficult enough to avoid disaster in the next hundred years, let alone the next thousand or million.

Our only chance of long-term survival is not to remain lurking on planet Earth, but to spread out into space. The answers to these big questions show that we have made remarkable progress in the last hundred years. But if we want to continue beyond the next hundred years, our future is in space. That is why I am in favor of manned -- or should I say, personed space flight.

All of my life I have sought to understand the universe and find answers to these questions. I have been very lucky that my disability has not been a serious handicap; indeed, it has probably given me more time than most people to pursue the quest for knowledge. The ultimate goal is a complete theory of the universe, and we are making good progress. Thank you for listening.

Chris Anderson: Professor, if you had to guess either way, do you now believe that it is more likely than not that we are alone in the Milky Way, as a civilization of our level of intelligence or higher? This answer took seven minutes, and really gave me an insight into the incredible act of generosity this whole talk was for TED.

Stephen Hawking: I think it quite likely that we are the only civilization within several hundred light years; otherwise we would have heard radio waves. The alternative is that civilizations don't last very long, but destroy themselves. CA: Professor Hawking, thank you for that answer. We will take it as a salutary warning, I think, for the rest of our conference this week. Professor, we really thank you for the extraordinary effort you made to share your questions with us today. Thank you very much indeed.

May your neighbors respect you, 
Trouble neglect you,
The angels protect you
And heaven accept you. 

Aye

I don't care that it's late. I'm not drunk. I was tired tonight and then I had energy and then I was tired and then I got very hungry and then I ate and then I got tired because I ate as much as I could and then work got me tired even more so and my mind hurt(ed) because what I do that pays the bills' :) hurts and hurts and hurts my heads' :) and my souls' :) and then The Deus Ex Machina Super-Duper/Future Scissors' :) come out and it cuts' :) out my spirits' :) and it doesn't bother to cut within the lines and then my sloppy spirits' :) is all-splayed out and like, you know, like, it's all sloppy and the the Elmers Glue Stick poops out from the edges and I get all, like embarrassed and stuff because if I'm going to let you peek at my private parts and then, like...

Then what?

Uuurgggghhhh. I've been doing teen angst for way too long.
Uuurgggghhhh. I've been doing adult angst for way too long.

I don't care that it's late.

So, what then?

I'm embarrassed about the stuff that I let you peek at and I'm embarrassed that I'm a sloppy writer and I'm embarrassed that this is one of the only conduits that I have left and I'm sorry that I'm a whiny writer and I apologetically apologize for (non)writing about my work, my energy, my mind on my money and my money on my minds' :)

I don't care that it's late.
I          care now.
I don't care.
It's late.
I care.
I don't.


Now what?

:)

Free Milk Fat

I get a lot of spam on Fat Free Milk.

Don't even ask me what the search results are on Fat Free Milk.

Seriously, think about it...


Via search results? My keywords on Fat Free Milk are:

Fat
Free
and Milk

It's impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror... Horror has a face... and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends.

in utero

You'll be grown before this tree is tall...

Die Antwoord...

You know what sucks about writing whilst one of your Pandora Radio stations plays in the background?
You start to pound the keys and sometimes a song comes up that totally sucks ass.
So, you can either continue to pound away to shrilling Harpies or...

I don't know how to explain pkd/lights in corners/static/ghosts/etc/blargh/justaskme/Quartz Lane

http://www.scribd.com/doc/3230/Robert-Crumb-The-Religious-Experience-of-Philip-K-Dick

This is too big of a project for my mind to mine and to fathom...

I don't know if I can continue to put the puzzle fragments together...

It does involve characters in a movie that I dreamed for hours while I slept
replaying, rewinding, nostalgia, danger and bad elements that...god, I sound like a psycho...

I keep on remembering things and they piece together with other things that I've experienced and with things that Ive written before.

It really involves Philip K. Dick - which is FUCKED UP. Because....some of his biggest, craziest moments changed his life and affected stories that he wrote AND I lived down the street from where he used to live when I experienced a BIG thing in my life AND....I am so screwed...I don't know if I can write this - so far, so good, though....

Two nights of writing in a row. I'm excited for the dreams that I have tonight BUT scared, also..

What I'm going to write after I get off of this...I NEEDED TO TAKE A BREATHER....will put me in a crazier, creative state...

This is the weirdest thing that I've ever written....

and it ties into my life and the dreams that I had last night and PKD's experiences?

okay bye....writng....nnnnnnNOW

oink

I need to start writing regardless of how late it is.

It's better then nothing, eh?

Tomorrow I will read this and vow never to sling slop in this trough again.