IKEA...

I try to avoid the place. Too many people. Too big. Even more difficult to be at if you're walking with a cane. I spent almost three hours there the other day with Joe and my girlfriend. They were both excited, at least. Joe was ready to buy stuff for his new pad and my girlfriend gets so excited that she’s there; she starts to hump the bedposts and bookcases. I tried to have a good attitude about the whole experience, and like to think that I've always had an uncanny ability to entertain myself in even the direst of circumstances. I tend to not get to too imaginative though, when I'm in a shopping environment and can't buy anything. The cheap things that they have are interesting, though. People watching is too. I spent most of my time reading the books that they had in the fake little habitat set-ups. IKEA arranges bedroom, living room, and office displays to help you visualize the practical and decorative applications for all of their junk. I found the choice of books set up in the displays funny and kind of interesting sometimes, and even wanted to steal an Isaac Asimov book that I saw. I wonder where they pick all of them up? Garage sales have more interesting choices.

I had fun in one of their fake kitchen set-ups. I walked around, and out of habit, tried to turn on the water. Nothing came out of course, but that made me think of that Twilight Zone episode where that couple got plastered at a cocktail party and woke up in a strange bed and didn't remember anything other than driving home the previous night. They were clothed. That never made any sense to me. The story would've been a lot better to me if the had woken up amidst empty taco bell wrappers, smuggled bottles of booze, and used condoms. Everything was fake. The phone came off of the wall. The trees and grass outside were fake too. They tried to take the train out of there and it only returned them back to where they started. Giggling too. They heard giggling a lot and eventually located the source when a huge hand came out from the sky and plucked them out of the town. I don’t remember if the hand belonged to an alien girl or one that looked normal, but her father picked her up a couple of pets on his way to a tiny Earth. Blah Blah. Cool episode, I’ve just seen it too many times. The man’s wife was a bitch, too. I remember that.

Anyway, walking around the kitchen made me think of that episode. When the couple tried to open the fridge, they found fake play food. I found empty containers. I wish I had some real food to throw in it, to throw the next guy for a loop. I also had the urge to leave the store and buy a six-pack. Even if I only had the time to enjoy one beer. It would've been worth it to start a card game at the kitchen table or something.

Maybe next time.

In another couple years.