Fat Free Milk

OLD SCHOOL BLOG HEADING.

Who's scruffy-lookin'?

I'm a hungry Wampa without a Tantaun
Chewbacca without a Bowcaster
Greedo with good aim
Salacious Crumb without the cackle
A Sarlaac without a pitt
Boba without the jet pack
Echo Station without a shield generator
A Snow Speeder without a tow cable
I am Dantooine without the millions of voices suddenly crying out in terror that were suddenly silenced
I am a Land Speeder without the vaseline smeared glob beneath my wheels
R2-D2 incessantly chirping
I do not know how big I've grown eating food of this kind
I am the crying Rancor Keeper
I am Yak and Prune Face
I am Sy Snootles without The Max Rebo Band
I am a Gundark without ears
I am Darth Vader without asthma and an Emperor without finger-tipped lightning bolts
Jabba without delectable frogs and Bib Fortuna without the head tentacles
Watto without wings
John without the Williams
Leia sans slave outfit
I am Dagobah without swamp
A Bantha without poodoo
and I'm a dud of a Thermal Detonator
I have convinced my new master to take off my restraining bolt
I am Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen without Tupperware glasses
I can't make the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs
I am the ninth moon of Endor
I am Jimmy Smits as Bail Organa
I am Kit Fisto, Plo Kloon and that other Jedi guy dying like bitches
I am the fat, dancing Twilek in Jabba's Palace
I am the bone in your Rancor's teeth
I am Jek Porkins dying in a shower of sparks
I am Industrial Light and Reality
Luke screaming, Yes! That's true! Yes, it is possible!
A tank leaking Bacta
An AT-AT without armor plating
Ewoks without a village
and Han Solo without a bounty over his head
4-LOM without Zuckuss
I am a canceled Boonta Eve race
and a quadrapelegic Wookie wanting to rip off your arms
I am the Star Wars Holiday Christmas Special
and a swarm of sucking Mynocks
I have a bad feeling about this

and

I am not the droid you're looking for.

I'm having a healthy amount of optimism about life lately...YEAH. ME. DRAFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

POSITIVITY/HOPE

It's nice and refreshing. It feels like fancy sparkling water with lime. Like puppy smell. Like babies when they aren't pooping or screaming. When you stick your adult nose right on top of their wispy baby head and smell deep and fully and I don't know why it's made of so much content magic but we all write about it soitmustbetrue. Like inflating a balloon. Like a car wash, a fragrance-free body wash or like refresh drops on my contacts. A glimpse of fireflies. Like remembering to do something nice for somebody and actually doing it. High fives and friends that you've known for more than 20 years.

REALITY/DESPAIR

The Hindenberg, Roanoke, The Titanic band's water-logged mix tape CD, free health care, DK2 by Frank Miller. A good eggs benedict. Inevitable drought and an impending, catastrophic earthquake in my favorite contiguous united state. Episode 1 and 2.

I never thought I was that great anyway. I write like I speak. Like Yoda with Strep Throat. Like Marlee Matlin drunk. Like Jabba without Bib Fortuna. Like...fershure.

I just scratched my head before I started writing. Do people actually do that? I'm a cartoon.

I'm ridiculous.

Yet, you're the one here...READING THIS.

I Wrote A Thing For A Thing And They LIKED IT...

I can't put it here before the magazine comes out but...it's been a while since I've had something in print. I'll show you when it comes out. It makes me happy and it's about something totally cool!

I DID miss a deadline for submissions for CSUF though. I didn't MISS IT but more like, wrote a huge number of rants and things but they were not ready to be published - so, I didn't.

That's what a couple of those messes were below.

It would've been a bummer anyway for some.

Maybe good for some.

But, I'm not going to let you read CRAPPYEMOTIONALEMOCRAP.

That's what Fat Free Milk is for and HAS BEEN for the last 13 years!!!

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone, Silence the pianos and with muffled drum Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead, Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves, Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. He was my North, my South, my East and West, My working week and my Sunday rest, My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong. The stars are not wanted now: put out every one; Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun; Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood. For nothing now can ever come to any good. W. H. Auden

This was the best thing that I've written today.

That sentence that you just read above.

I would doubt that it was the best sentence that you've read today.

I don't know. I don't know anythjing about your day. I don't know what was good and what was bad, what worked and what didn't maybe just possiblt that what little that I did maybe helpe a little bit even if it was nothing because...remeber...I havent really written anything yet.

I havent gotten aropund to telling you about glacier-like progression of my depresseion and the regression of I dont even know what to say

I know that its hard to get out of bed but that its hard to keep my heart inside of my body because it needs more blodd pumping through it. My heart needs more hearts too. Ive proven that its a loving thing but it also wants to eat your hearts brains

you, know – I can talk about work and how it's killing me slowly and that maybe my work is like cancer but then when I start typing that I feel like a horrible human being when I have opeople that I know that have dided of cance and a friend even now going through chemo. So im a dick. A worthless, uncaring, selfidsh dick. So. I don't know what to write about. I know that my body is slowly failing me and that I drink too much and smoke too much and that I was very proud of myself for quitting both of thoase things recently. But then, I got treated to dinner at a fancy restaurant and really didnt give a fuck. Anf thats my problem. I care too much but dont gve a fuck. But im getting old now. I give a fuck. I really do.

I dfont know whats going to happen to me and I dont know where im going to end up but im scared about being here, doing the same things. Making the same relationship mistakes and just being here birng here bieng here. It hasnt worked before and its not going to continue to not work It's just going to stop. STOP.

Anf that'll be it. I've almost died before. TWICE. That sucked. And I was supposed to be stronger after it. I wqas and then I got stupid again. My body and my will is failing. Dwindling, I should say.

What do I want? What do I want to become. Not this. Not sl;owly dying on the vine while drinking it's wine. I'm 40 years old now. I've been writing my whole life. I like it sometimes and sometimes I reqally hate it. What I want is to live the last half of my life and to feel allright about it.

It's time to wake up. Or just slowly die. That's how cut and dried it is. TRUST ME. THRUST ME.

I'm weak, but hopeful. And, now music is playing that was super emo for me back when I was 20. This fucking song...I was so heartbroken, so in love...really....

I hope you're well.

I apologize for ranting, but thank you for reading the rant that you just read.

It was the best thing that ive written today.

im

im going to write like you

im going to write like you would write

im going to write things that other people would like

that they could relate to easier

the stuff that I write

only I like

and sometimes hate

and the stuff that I write

kids would like

when read in storybook form

or

read

like I write in Kevin Book form

i hate naps

i like snacks

I hate naps

the end

I've lost it

not my sanity

but

something else

something even bigger than losing your marbles

I've lost will, direction/hope

I don't know if I can get it back

its not about me getting older

it's about what I still feel but can't reach anymore

its about staying in my room for the whole day and night

it's about the oppressive weight of depression

I'll call it it DOPEression

and the fire-ant pains in my phantom brain(s)

I was better once

I thought that I was bad then

now I'm really bad

and I guess that's the lesson of the day

it can always get worse

lows become lower

I know that things have just as much capacity to go the other way too

but

I've lost that positivity also

you were my moon, Miss

and

I miss me

I miss you, Son

All of this and everything

I've lost it

not my sanity

but

something else

something

and everything

Everything and Nothing

I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But I'm having fun

I think I'm dumb
Or maybe just happy
Think I'm just happy
My heart is broke
But I have some glue
Help me inhale
And mend it with you
We'll float around
And hang out on clouds
Then we'll come down
And have a hangover, have a hangover

Skin the sun
Fall asleep
Wish away
The soul is cheap
Lesson learned
Wish me luck
Soothe the burn
Wake me up

I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But I'm having fun

I think I'm dumb

Songwriters: KURT COBAIN
© BMG RIGHTS MANAGEMENT US, LLC
For non-commercial use only.
Data From: LyricFind

No attacks by ULTRON.

I think that I'm insane.
I've barely slept.
I came home at 3 in the morning.
Talked to my Father.
Went to breakfast at 8 in the morning. Ordered food but had them put it in a to go box. Had two mimosas.
Decided against sleep and was going to take a shower instead but ended up waking up hours later in my room.
I was too tired.
this is boring.

THE MOON...

should be Pac-Man, the clouds should be ghosts
and the stars should be pellets.


 

We Can't Stop - Vintage 1950's Doo Wop Miley Cyrus Cover ft. The Tee - T...

The Unicorns - Sea Ghost (Good Quality)

Tom Waits - Take It With Me

Fugazi - I'm So Tired

Ella Fitzgerald - Solid as a rock

The Moon Song(Film Version) - Scarlett Johansson & Joaquin Phoenix

Rosemary Clooney - Botch-A-Me

pink martini - hang on little tomato

Gil Scott-Heron - New York Is Killing Me

Woman Of Aran - British Sea Power - Man Of Aran

Dustin O'Halloran Opus 23 video

These Arms Of Mine

Future Islands - Before the Bridge (Official Music Video)

M. Ward - Lullaby Exile

Ramones - Judy Is A Punk

Hall and Oates - I Can't Go For That - Cover by Nicki Bluhm and The Gram...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKbpLQp509Y

Keep it short.
Pee during commercial breaks.
Go!
Hurry up.
Reeelaaaxxxx......
Drive-Thru.
Enter password.
There's going to be a twenty minute wait.
I'm sorry, we're all booked up.
SOLD.
Reserve not met.
Breathe.
Limited space for ACME YOGA.
We're sorry, due to low attendance - ACME YOGA's session has been cancelled.
Gas is cheap.
Food is expensive.
I have cancer.
Fireball shots for everyone!
Lost dog.
Please spay and neuter your pets.
Please be kind, rewind.
I don't live in the past.
What do I have to look forward to, said the donkey?
A carrot, said the master.
Bees are dying.
Honey will be expensive.
People are dying.
Honey will be expensive.

It's 6:00 A.M. as I time this.

Type is precious.
 

The other day I received numerous texts and Facebook messages on my phone. Apparently, there was a guy running around town dressed up as Spider-Man.

My friends assumed it was me.

C'mon, guys...

BATMAN.

I'm BATMAN.

DUH.

Hillians and Veros......

Dr. Octopus
not a hugger

The Joker
introverted

Doctor Doom
vain

Braniac
dumb

Flash
stoner

Batman
needs to focus

and I will finish this later.....

Daily Deals Gift Cards Sell Help & Contact Me

If I was a politician, I would lie to you. If I was a scientist, I would show you the facts. If I was a cop, I would write you not poems but tickets. If I was an artist, I would define lines. If you were Jesus, I'd ask you for a prayer. If you were Buddha, I'd ask for enlightenment. If you were a fireman, I'd ask you to please, please help me extinguish this fire.

YOU

EWE
YOO
EHYEW
U
EIW
YEU
EUY
YEWH
eHUGH
EHUHw
EHeeew
YOOeew
Ueewww
iyoo

BE WELL.

Dear Samantha, this year didn't start off as well as I expected but I'm going to take it and turn it all around and think about it as a positive experience and not a negative one. No details needed but...the overall lesson is for all of planet Earth to not be a Dick York about small things and if you catch yourself being a Dick Sargent about small things then...STOP BEING A DARRIN STEPHENS. Because that's a big thing.

This applies to all of us mere mortals.

Metric- Gimme Sympathy lyrics

You ask me to play more classical music...

I say to go through my records and pick something that you've never heard before.

WU-TANG?

Well played, Grasshopper.

Well played.

My Heart...

is a spaceship.

You're a passenger.

Fare thee well.

I wish you Godspeed, traveller.

I went for a drive again...

I came home three hours later.

Southern California/OC is a strange, strange place.

It makes no sense.

Alaska makes sense.

It's probably a lot harder to drive around aimlessly in certain parts of Alaska, I bet.

That's about all that I have to say.