I've lost it

not my sanity

but

something else

something even bigger than losing your marbles

I've lost will, direction/hope

I don't know if I can get it back

its not about me getting older

it's about what I still feel but can't reach anymore

its about staying in my room for the whole day and night

it's about the oppressive weight of depression

I'll call it it DOPEression

and the fire-ant pains in my phantom brain(s)

I was better once

I thought that I was bad then

now I'm really bad

and I guess that's the lesson of the day

it can always get worse

lows become lower

I know that things have just as much capacity to go the other way too

but

I've lost that positivity also

you were my moon, Miss

and

I miss me

I miss you, Son

All of this and everything

I've lost it

not my sanity

but

something else

something

and everything

Everything and Nothing