Why Take My Peter Jennings When There's Always Your Tucker Carlson and Bill O'Reilly?

I told my boss today to expect me coming into the office limping more than usual.

She asked why, and I told her that I was starting to skateboard by myself again.

She asked why, and I told her that I was getting older and lazier and that I felt-

Do you think you're getting fat, she asked?

Ummm...no, I said.

So does this mean that my emerging beer gut is now noticeable?

And does this mean that I have to sit up straighter in my chair?

On the other hand, this weekend I was dropping off the rent check and skated to my landlords house. Some friends just bought a house right by ours so I asked Chris, one of the guys that was moving into the house if he needed any help when I saw him getting ready to unload a mattress off of his truck.

He said no thanks, and then stopped and realized that it was me and laughed because he thought that I was some sketer kid asking him to help and thought that that was a bit strange.

I laughed at that too. It reminded me of about a couple of years ago skating some steps with Ian downtown. An older man came out of the office building and started to yell at us,

"I've told you before to get out of here!"

I almost stopped to tell him that I'd never been there before but didn't when I realized that he didn't know how old I was and that to him I looked no different than a 14 year old. In his eyes we were all destructive, rude little punks anyway.

Which I am.

So. Anyway. I am feeling lethargic, but might not yet look as old as I feel. Yet.

But I do want to be able to see dirt in my belly button again.

We can't all be Jabba The Hutt, you know.

He was fortunate enough to have cackling Salacious Crumb around to pick him clean.