Underwood...

I miss my old typewriter.

We never understand how little we need in this world until we know the loss of it.

Masters Of The Universe....

You know, I've wanted to get rid of this for a long time. I barely write anymore. Blogging's...what? A little bit of exercise and a lot of self-indulgence - or at least that's what it seems like I've been doing for the last six years or so. I've lost focus and have limited amounts of energy. It's hard to be witty and clever and to invite new people to read your smatterings when you're trying to regain or cultivate some of your vanishing spirit. I think that I should use the internet strictly as a tool and not as a vessel that's supposed to define me as a person. I'm really tired, man. What little energy I have needs to be saved and not spent on self destruction or stupid writing that goes nowhere.

I don't know. I know that I need to continue to work on my soul and work less at wasting my time - which this seems to be.

The enlightened buddhist would say to cast off my attachments and personal possessions.

Isn't this one?

One less thing to think about or to be a slave to?

Now that sounds like peace to me.

Yes, I Can.

Dear Camping, No Ones Gonna Love You Like I Do.

The Funeral...

Not really... I'm just tired And Full Of Poo...

"I want to live a real life... I don't want to dream any longer."
Now. Now. Now.
Everything that you always imagined
Everything that you've always dreamed
Every night and daymare
every mistake
every beautiful moment
everything you've ingested
needs to come out, kid
wake up wake up wake up
no more dreams
Now. Now. Now.

Abre Los ojos, Puto...

I am the nightmare of stagnancy and the god of imagination.

A river always flowing.

Bukowski, scribbling away in rooming houses...

Sisyphus, sweating uphill.

I am Theseus, unspooling golden yarn.

Now that I'm a complete whore and have to bartend for 30 hours a week, I can start writing my will. It's all over folks. Stick a city's-worth of drunks in me - I'm done.or now. It forces me to not go downtown and talk to drunken idiots because I'm bored of being at home. I barely have patience with myself.

I just decided that I AM going to go camping this weekend because I need to.

My hope is a sporadic rainfall - yet a torrential downpour in all creative environments.

i hate bartending

My fingers are Santa's little helpers.

I'm writing in a backyard while everybody else is asleep. My, how things have changed. Oh, I forgot to mention writing absolute crap is all still my norm, right?

I am Jane Goodall's Tanzanian monkeys typing about bananas.

I don't have much to say because of how much I want to. Time is limited, crucial and tick-tocking at an alarming rate and I don't know how to handle it. I know that I shouldn't let the hard-caked and sun-baked soil affect how much I whip my beasts of burden when I have potential gardens growing. I know that I feel more like a Pollack painting than a Rockwell. I know that I feel more Communist Manifesto than Catcher And The Rye. I feel like a dark-knighted Batman, without the vigilance and with the obligatory dead parents, I feel like an invincible Tony Stark without the armor, I feel like Bruce Banner in a desolate desert without the anger and infused Gamma radiation...yes, wanting to be left alone, wanting to be an incredulous Hulk of focal strength.

True believers, what do you do?

Marvel at your universe and let Galactus-level, cosmic events make you feel infinitesimal?

Do you let the Gods govern your Earth-154?

I am an amalgamous Perry White and J. Jonah Jameson.

Reporting imaginary news.

Print.

Lawn-chair balloonist drifts from Oregon to Idaho

BEND, Oregon (AP) -- Using his trusty BB gun to help him return to Earth, a 48-year-old gas station owner flew a lawn chair rigged with helium-filled balloons more than 200 miles across the Oregon desert Saturday, landing in a field in Idaho.

Kent Couch created a sensation in this tiny farming community, where he touched down safely in a pasture after lifting off from Bend, Ore., and was soon greeted by dozens of people who gave him drinks of water, local plumber Mark Hetz said.

"My wife works at the City Market," Hetz said. "She called and said, 'The balloon guy in the lawn chair just flew by the market, and if you look out the door you can see him.

"We go outside to look, and lo and behold, there he is. He's flying by probably 100 to 200 feet off the ground.

"He takes his BB gun and shoots some balloons to lower himself to the ground. When he hit the ground he released all the little tiny balloons. People were racing down the road with cameras. They were all talking and laughing."

Couch covered about 235 miles (about 370 kilometers) in about nine hours after lifting off at dawn from his gas station riding in a green lawn chair rigged with an array of more than 150 giant party balloons.

Sandi Barton, 58, who has lived her whole life in this town of about 300, said she and her brother-in-law were the first ones to reach Couch and shook his hand.

"Not much happens in Cambridge," she said, adding that about half the town turned out.

"He came right over our pea field," she said. "He was coming down pretty fast."

She said Couch gave some of his balloons to local children.

It was not clear where Couch went after he landed.

It began after Couch, clutching a big mug of coffee, kissed his wife and kids goodbye, then patted their shivering Chihuahua, Isabella, on the head.

After spilling off some cherry-flavored Kool-Aid that served as ballast, Couch got a push from the ground crew so he could clear light poles and soared over a coffee cart and across U.S. Highway 20 into a bright blue sky.

"If I had the time and money and people, I'd do this every weekend," Couch said before getting into the chair. "Things just look different from up there. You've moving so slowly. The best thing is the peace, the serenity. VideoWatch Couch explain why balloon flying is "a beautiful thing" »

"Originally, I wanted to do it because of boyhood dreams. I don't know about girls, but I think most guys look up in the sky and wish they could ride on a cloud."

Couch's wife, Susan, called him crazy: "It's never been a dull moment since I married him."

This was Couch's third balloon flight. He realized it would be possible after watching a TV show about the 1982 lawn chair flight over Los Angeles of truck driver Larry Walters, who gained folk hero fame but was fined $1,500 for violating air traffic rules.

In 2006, Couch had to parachute out after popping too many balloons. And last year he flew 193 miles to the sagebrush of northeastern Oregon, short of his goal.

"I'm not stopping till I get out of state," he said.

To that end, he ordered more balloons. Dozens of volunteers wearing fluorescent green T-shirts that said "Dream Big" filled latex balloons 5 feet in diameter, attached them to strings and tied clusters of six balloons each to a tiny carabiner clip.

Each balloon gives four pounds of lift. The chair was about 400 pounds, and Couch and his parachute 200 more.

"I'd go to 30,000 feet if I didn't shoot a balloon down periodically," Couch said.

For that job, he carried a Red Ryder BB gun and a blow gun equipped with steel darts. He also had a pole with a hook for pulling in balloons, a parachute in case anything went wrong, a handheld Global Positioning System device with altimeter, a satellite phone, and two GPS tracking devices. One was one for him, the other for the chair, which got away in the wind as he landed last year.

For food he carried some boiled eggs, jerky and chocolate.

Couch flew hang gliders and skydived before taking up lawn-chair flights. He estimated the rig cost about $6,000, mostly for helium. Costs were defrayed by corporate sponsors.

BLIP

Easiest way to get her out of the room is to show her your embededded MySpace clip of little children crashing on Big Wheels and Tricycles. This means that I can write more because now I'm a dick. BUT. I wrote this, didn't I? And that, in some sick way is a lot better in the long run than me having to watch "So You Think You Can Dance".

Twins?

Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.

~Samuel Ullman

Bonk!

*
ABC Saturday Morning Preview
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The Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers
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The Adventures of the Little Koala
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ALF
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The All-New Scooby and Scrappy-Doo Show
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ALF Tales
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Alvin and the Chipmunks
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Bananaman
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Barbie and the Rockers
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The Batman/Tarzan/Lone Ranger Adventure Hour
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Battle of the Planets
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Beanie and Cecil
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Beetlejuice (1989)
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Belle and Sebastian
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Bernstein Bears
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Beverly Hills Teens
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Bionic Six
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The Biskitts
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Blackstar
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Bluffers
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Bravestarr
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Bucky O'Hare
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The Caboose Kids
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California Raisins
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Camp Candy
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Captain N: The Game Master
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Care Bears
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Centurions
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Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos (1987)
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Comic Strip (included Karate Kat, Mini Monsters, Street Frogs, and Tigersharks)
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The Completely Mental Misadventures of Ed Grimley
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C.O.P.S.
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Count Duckula
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Dangermouse
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David the Gnome
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Defenders of the Earth (1986)
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Dennis the Menace
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Denver the Last Dinosaur
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Dinoriders
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Dinosaucers
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Disney's Adventures of the Gummi Bears
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Donkey Kong
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Dr. Snuggles
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Dragon's Lair
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Drak Pack
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Droids
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Duck Tales
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Dune Buggy
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Dungeons & Dragons
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Ewoks
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Fanastic Max
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Felix the Cat
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Flintstone Kids
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Fonz & the Happy Days Gang
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Foofur
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Force Five
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Fraggle Rock
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Galaxy High School
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Galtar
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Garfield and Friends
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The Gary Coleman Show
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Get Along Gang
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Ghostbusters
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G.I. Joe
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Gilligan's Planet
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Glo-Friends
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Go Bots
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Grimm's Fairy Tales and Storybook Series
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Heathcliff
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Hello Kitty
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He-Man and the Masters of the Universe
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Herself the Elf
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The Hug-A-Bunch Kids
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Hulk Hogan's Rock 'N' Wrestling
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The Incredible Hulk
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Inhumanoids
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Inspector Gadget
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Jason of Star Command
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Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors
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Jem!
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Kangaroo
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The Karate Kid
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Kidd Video
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Kissyfur
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The Kids' Super Power Hour
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Lazer Tag Academy
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Leo The Lion
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The Little Prince
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The Little Wizards
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The Littles
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Madballs
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Mario Bros.
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M.A.S.K.
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Maxie's World
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Maya The Bee
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Meatball and Spaghetti
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Mighty Mouse, the New Adventures
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Mighty Orbots
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Mr. T
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Moncchichis
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The Mork & Mindy/Laverne & Shirley/Fonz Hour
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Muppet Babies
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My Little Pony
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My Pet Monster
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The Mysterious Cities of Gold
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The New Fat Albert Show
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The New Scooby-Doo Mysteries
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The Noozles
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Pac-Man
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Pandamonium
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Paw Paw Bears
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Photon
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Plastic Man
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Pole Position
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Poochie
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Popples
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The Potato Head Kids
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Pound Puppies
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Punky Brewster
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A Pup Named Scooby Doo
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The Puppy's Further Adventures
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The Raccoons
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Rainbow Brite
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The Real Ghostbusters
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The Richie Rich/Scooby-Doo Hour
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Robocop
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Robotech
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Robotix
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Rubik the Amazing Cube
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Saban's Adventures of the Little Mermaid
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Saber Rider & The Star Sheriffs
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Saturday Morning Supercade (bunch of cartoons based on arcade games like Donkey Kong, Q*Bert, Frogger, Pitfall!)
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Scooby's Mystery Funhouse
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Sectaurs
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She-Ra: Princess of Power
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Shirt Tales
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Sky Commanders
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Silverhawks
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Slimer! And the Real Ghostbusters
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Smurfs
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Snorks
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Spartakus and the Sun Beneath the Sea
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Spector Man
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Spiderman and His Amazing Friends
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Sport Billy
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Star Blazers
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Starcom: The U.S. Space Force (1987)
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Strawberry Shortcake
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The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!
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Superhero High
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The Tarzan/Lone Ranger Adventure Hour
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The Tarzan/Lone Ranger/Zorro Adventure Hour
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
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Teen Wolf
*
The Thirteen Ghosts of Scooby-Doo
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Thundarr the Barbarian
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Thunderbirds 2086
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Thundercats
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Tigersharks
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Transformers
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Tranzor Z
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Turbo Teen
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Trollkins
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Ulysses 31
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USA Cartoon Express
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Visionaries
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Voltron: Defender of the Universe (both the vehicle and the lion versions)
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Wheeled Warriors
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Wildfire
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Wolf Rock TV (1982)
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Wuzzles

Breet?

* Arf
* Arnie
* BXET-R2
* CB-3D
* Choco
* Chunky
* Clink
* Dancer
* Deefour
* Fiver
* G8-R3
* Gadget
* Jawaswag (aka, Toughcatch)
* KT-10
* Mod-3
* Neufie
* Nine
* P2-D19
* Pip
* PR6-3
* Q9-X2
* R-0
* R1-G4
* R1-T4
* R2-4B
* R2-A5
* R2-A6
* R2-B1
* R2-B3 (aka, Cappie)
* R2-B4
* R2-C3 (aka, Seecubed)
* R2-C4
* R2-C9
* R2-D0
* R2-D2 (aka, Artoo)
* R2-D5
* R2-D6
* R2-D609 (aka, Thirteen)
* R2-D7
* R2-D9
* R2-KT
* R2-K7
* R2-L1
* R2-M3
* R2-M5
* R2-O
* R2-PU
* R2-Q2
* R2-Q5
* R2-Q8
* R2-QU
* R2-R9
* R2-RC
* R2-RD
* R2-S4
* R2-V0
* R2-V6
* R2-X0 (aka, Patchwork)
* R2-X2
* R2-X9
* R2-Z1 (aka, Fweep)
* R2-Z13 (aka, Plug)
* R2-Z4
* R2Z-DL (aka, Toozy)
* R3-A2
* R3-D3
* R3-K8
* R3-O1
* R3-T2
* R3-T6
* R3-T7
* R3-Y2
* R4-A22
* R4-B11
* R4-D1
* R4-D2
* R4-E1
* R4-G9
* R4-I9
* R4-J1
* R4-J9
* R4-M17
* R4-M9
* R4-M9
* R4-P17
* R4-P44
* R4-S2
* R5-A1
* R5-A2
* R5-D2 (aka, Mynock, aka, R5-G8, aka, Gate)
* R5-D2
* R5-D4 (aka, Red, aka, Skippy)
* R5-D8
* R5-H6
* R5-K6
* R5-L4
* R5-M1
* R5-M2
* R5-R5
* R5-X2
* R6-A1 (aka, R6-S1, aka, Shootfirst)
* R7-T1
* RD-RR
* Shiner
* Shorty
* Sneaky
* Sparky
* Tenfour
* Tonin
* UV-002
* Vape
* Watto's astromech
* Whistler (aka, Xeno)
* Zero-1

Working for years around noisy machinery can make you feel uneasy even in the most beautiful and quiet of moments.

You have to block out images of towering piles of pots, pans, crates of M-80's and stacks of free tickets to Slayer concerts.

Run
2
Buddha, kid
Run
w
your
hands
clamped
firmly over your ears

r u n