Yeah, That's Right - I'm The Egg Man...

Making deviled eggs again.
That means that the house will smell fartier than usual.

Yes. I said, fartier.

I Have...



all of the symptons of The West Nile Virus.

That's what I get for playing around with the corpses of dead birds.

We Will Become Silhouettes...

the heat pecks at your temples
the worms spoon under your eyelids
fangs split through your gums
and the night goes on forever

Suggested By Isaac Asimov... 
  


Should not be going out to see a couple bands and to sing Karoake.
Should be asleep fighting off this small flu-like-thingy.
Should be smarter.
Should save more money.
Should not of played with all of those little kids at my girlfriend's nieces birthday party
because now I have red hand prints, dirt and food all over the shirt that I was going to wear tonight.
Should blow my nose.
Should not be meeting The Hard Artist and Cartoon Pig. 
Should not feed Gremlins after midnight.
Should see a man about a horse.
Should see your mom.
Should stop now.


 




 

Obi-Wan... 
 

 
more smoke and then I think I'm done for.
 
Too much booze.
 
Listen to this  http://www.audioblogger.com/media/27352/75545.mp3 
 
And then feel happy that you weren't us last night.
 
Even though being totally drunk and hearing Henry Rollins DJing isn't too shabby.
 
goo seep.
 
eric magnus
victor von doom
john lyndon
scott summers
richard leakey
john edwards
emma frost
zeus 


 

Bannock Beans And Black Tea... 
 

   
Looked like earthquake weather outside today. Overcast pink sky, slightly humid and quiet. No earthquake though. I've been through my fair share, and as the years have gone by - I've slept through more and more of them. I figure that if the shit's really going to go down - then no amount of standing under doorways is going to help me.
 
I was on acid and asleep in a car when a huge earthquake hit once. I thought that it was my friends in the park playing tricks on me and pushing the car back and forth. It freaked me out, but, then again, I was on acid and pretty much anything can freak you out.
 
I'm not prepared if a big earthquake hits. I don't think many people are. I do live close to a grocery store and a park. I guess that's good. I have a first aid kit and some water in my car. I also have two crash helmets. Those wont help me. I have a couple hundred old cassette tapes. Those wont help. I have a Daredevil action figure that is waiting to be shipped to the nerd who bought it off me from Ebay. He better hurry his ass up or I'm going to re-list it. Nerd. Hurry. I need the fifty bucks.
 
Now I've jinxed myself and will fish the crash helmets out of my car for me and my girlfriend to wear for the rest of the day. Then I will drink all of the beer in the fridge so that they don't go to waste when the big one comes. 


 

 

Bremen...



Ran into the bedroom to give the girlfriend a kiss. Legs got snagged by two laundry baskets. Fell flat on my face. Now she's done laughing. And I'm done giving her kisses.

Then she asked me if I'd make her something that wasn't fattening. I sliced up some organic cucumbers with a little dish of low sodium soy sauce. She ate half and then gave me the plate. She said she wasn't hungry anymore. Minutes later I heard a plastic-ky-type rustling coming from the bedroom. I ran in and almost tripped over the laundry baskets again. She was eating Cheez-Its.

After this post, I am killing her in her sleep.

Thank you.

Create A New Post...



And the bombs dropped years ago
But our clean up crews are doing their work in the fields
They have the most sophisticated equipment at their disposal

Two plus two equals stop counting
Attila The Hun was yesterday
Today was a verbose, genial Hitler
All of you are The Third Reich
Almost at three strikes
Don’t waste your jugen

Met a man with colon cancer at a bar
And I didn’t talk to him on purpose
A kid jumped on my lap and told me that he loved me
I saw a bird die of West Nile
And a lady in her forties poured her heart out to me about her husband

A guy from Chicago paid for a drink of a friend of mine with ring-studded fists full of money-clipped cash
Fish fell from the sky
I smoked on a bench and watched five crickets jerk spasmodically across the sidewalk
I met a girl with pink hair
I petted a black Labrador with wet fur
I drank seven beers
I ate a New York Steak
I wished
I fished
I digress
Half of this stuff is made up
and that was today
but it's okay

because it was all part of my happy meal

Cortez And The Fountain Of Youth...

If you ever want to see what I was like when I was young -
wake me up on my only day off and then have me do errands with you -
because I start crying like a fucking baby.

Blackstar...



After I climbed on the roof and tried to grab the cat that was sitting on top of my chimney, I went and joined two female friends and one girlfriend at a restaurant. Of course they were haunted parasitically by boys. Of course the cockroaches scurried when the Kev light came on. Of course we got the hell out of there after that. They all told me creepy stories about guys hitting on them. This is after about...three hours. Why do girls tell you stories about how uncomfortable they were? When you ask them why-didn't-they-just-say-this? and why-didn't-you-just-do-this? they giggle and say that they didn't want to be mean. Hmmm...makes no sense. I could go on a tangent here, but I won't. I don't like to generalize and I don't like to write too much about even-stupider-stuff than the usual drivel that I vomit out, but...doi, duh, blah, foo, poo...c'mon. Enough said.

Mum-Ra...

Pray...

That my pizza doesn't burn.
Yes.

It is THAT important.

Meet George Jetson...

Having sex in Zero Gravity would be cool, but dodging all of the floating liquids would suck.

Ernest Hemingway's Shotgun...



There are good drunks - and there are bad drunks...

I'm an awesome drunk.

Pygmalion...

Eddie Brock Knows Where You Live, Peter...



Yeah, and I used to lift weights in an old, forgotten bomb shelter underneath the streets of NYC, plotting my revenge. But then I got a job as a sign twirler. They let me wear my headphones so I can listen to Slayer whenever I want. I'm not supposed to smoke, but I do. But, I limit myself to one every hour, and I make sure that the people driving by or stopped at red lights don't see it because I'm afraid that my big, fat boss might see me, and that's not too professional anyway.

This week I was twirling signs for a new apartment complex that's opening on 23rd and Archibald. The days are flying by, but I've been kind of distracted. The spot I'm at is right across the street from a Ruby's Diner. It's not the smell of the food that gets to me...It's the pretty girls dressed up in those old-style waitress uniforms with the short skirts. Actually, It's one girl in particular. I see her when she arrives. I see her helping tables. I see her go on break, and then I see her come back. I see her head home after she's done.

My sign becomes a blur. I start to dance and hop around. I don't notice. I forget to smoke. I am in love.

Apparently my boss does drive by to check up on me. Today he pulled me into his office and said that he was pleased with my attitude. He said that if he had more employees like me, he'd be a millionaire. He offered me three more dollars an hour and said that he'd consider making me team leader in a couple more months if I kept it up.

I thanked him and then...quit.

Because tomorrow I'm applying at Ruby's Diner.

Punching Butterflies Out Of The Sky...



Started going through my many old " to be finished " story and idea lists and found this:

1. fish tank
2. why I love life now
3. buying beer “lookout!” story
4. timid vicki stepmom who covered her teeth when she laughed, her three beautiful children + amy daughter.
5. punching butterflies from the sky
6. it was like losing a child at k-mart
7. my ma and pa fairy tale beginnings
8. writer who sells pot. Constantly interrupted
9. my world. Starting out in white room story. Perfect earth society. Meet counsel
10. bovine millennium miscalculations slaughters and the real reason they’re
celebrating + worktraps?
11. somebody like me
12. fairy dust and shit all these years
13. childrens story. A kid named kitty (meow! ) kenny. Blue jumper w/feet!
14. no life on earth. Me modern
15. hopsing and the little bandits versus the scarlet rhemus
16. conformist world
fitting bookshelves
get rid of people/deviants
one corporation makes all from movies to food
17. childhood. Eating fruit and throwing rocks. E strikes back father story
18. freeway anne speed death scene/wind up in hollywood. me being one of the homeless
19. childhood2. Bread incident. Dialogue. Walk down archibald to stater bros.act, beg and sing for a dollar.
20. you know what sucks? A vacuum.
21. “wongs” restaurant aisle runnings. Whip it. The laughing vietnamese chefs in the back kitchen. Unlimited fortune cookies. Dennys give me head speech that got me in trouble when I repeated it. Was he humping her when he would stop by?
22. kid talking to the old nosferatu in chair. Research history. Pick a place!
23. stomping the washer water out w/my father in the play room. First real stories where I felt old enough to hear them, brave or curious enough to ask questions.
24. girl with sudden dreams. Every night foretelling the future until she begins to dread them. But shes too addicted, she cant stop. Blood and water dripping. Very modern? Or flashes of her in a more victorian period? Who cares, blah.
25. organ robot free verse rifts story
26. comic synopsis
27. yr. Post high school story
28. light hole in backyard. Dig. Dig.
29. mexican pizza. Chicken gordita.
30. it seems that everybodys a mother a father or a lover now except me.
31. hothouse? Whats that? Anyway…waking up in older ladys bed
32. evil kevynn
33. loves his or her cat/dog so much that they transfer(science, devil pact?) its mind into a humans? Thats pretty stupid.
34. lost number idea? Horror. Bring back dead. Look at all the classical facets of old legends and horror.
35. my version of the trench coat mafia shit. One guy ambushes one shooter. Gets guns and bombs, prowls the halls in search of others or other shooter
36. toady. About a boy with amphibious desires. No, I really meant write about today.
37. remeber when one throws a pebble into a stream that the flow of the river………
38. damians family/sis/big daddy/mean bro/dogs/nintendo
39. guy getting married to or very serious girl introduces her to his friends or best friend and finds out that they’ve gone out b4. His x gal friend, dougherty stories. ‘ that was her? ‘ ‘ why didnt you tell me? ‘
40. guy/gal
41. the most selfish thing I did today was whine in front of a walking and whistling one-armed man.
42. locked in bar…….
43. wood grain punishment.
44. man refused access to next world because he aws an organ donor-stopped at medieval midway half-realm9 hells prison.)
45. oc
46. the 23rd psalm robinson crusoe/23 people/all different/different times

Jenna Lewis...

New, short post thing at Yoda's Mud Hut in Dagobah.

Doyle Brunson...

It IS possible to have had too much fun and craziness.
Totally possible to be so lazy that you just don't want to get into describing it.
We managed to stretch out my birthday for four days.

Recording Outback Jack and seeing if my wind generators on Star Wars Galaxies are broken seems like, not the PERFECT - but the only thing to do right now.

Be good, E.T. says...

Help!...

I'm typing this in the lobby of a waffle house in San Diego. I swear. I'm not kidding. I don't know why they have free internet access here, all I'm surrounded by is old people who can't get out of their chairs once they've sat down.

I have to go. My girlfriend probably thinks I died.

Goodbye. I have to eat and then go to a wedding.

Birds fly up
And down spinnin' round
Flyin' all around
From my window
A little brown sparrow came
Flutterin' down

Le moineau est venu
Se poser ma fenjtre





I took the day off to first, just spend time with the girl. She ended up picking up a shift at work. I thought that I would call the plumber. There’s a nasty smell that’s been emanating from underneath the house. I woke up too late. I whined like a baby. Tossed, turned, and woke up goggy-poo-like. Went to the post office to take my passport photo. Waited forever. Their camera was fucked up. Took it again. Didn’t work. Went down the street to a place, took my pic, had to do it again because I blinked, went back to the post office, and finally got It all done. Went to the mall. Haven’t been there in, at least six months. My girlfriend had to return some things. I bought a shirt, two pairs of sandals, and a floppy summer hat for her. Then I went to a GAMING-type store that dealt with poker, darts and all of that shite. I was looking for poker chips and for felt. No luck. Went to the 99 cent store. Was not happy about this. These places depress me. Right when I walked in, I saw a pretty little girl of about ten years step out of the dressing room. Her mother was yelling loudly at her. YEAH? WHAT? TURN AROUND! LOOKS GOOD! This reminded me of growing up with my father. This reminded me of growing up poor. This reminded me of wanting people to shut up and to not talk so loudly. I grew up wanting to kill people and to not be noticed. I grew up wanting peace and…peace, I guess. I tried not to look at the girl because I knew that she didn’t want anybody to look at her. I just knew. She wasn’t ashamed. You don’t get many schoolmates at the 99-cent store. But…still… PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN said The Wizard Of Oz.

I guess it’s my birthday right now. I was born on 3:42 in 1975, somewhere in NORTHERN California. I was 21 inches long and weighed 9- something pounds. My left eye was blue and my right was brown. One after my mum and pa. Now they’re all fucked up. One is light brown and one is dark brown. At times it makes me look like I have a lazy eye or that I look like the old Asian guy that sold Billy Gizmo in Gremlins.

I went to a bar tonight. Short visit. I didn’t even want to go, but it was my girlfriends idea. She caught me lying in a fetal position in bed right before we were leaving. She asked me if I was depressed. I said no. I thought that it was kind of funny. I was only lying in bed because I was bored and that I thought that everybody was lagging so I might as well lay down for a couple of minutes.

Tomorrow I work from 10 to 10. After that my friend from Damnation is playing at an obnoxious bar. Ob Saturday is a huge party at my house that I just might recover from. On Saturday, we’ll bothe be in San Diego fro Krista’s wedding. On Monday, I’ll be at The Museum Of Man, and then might go visit Tommy or Heather…

Then I’ll go home.

Birthdays meant absolutely nothing. But, It does give you the opportunity to do things that you usually tell yourself that you’re too busy to do.

I am hungry.
Tired.
Restless.
Listening to Neil Diamond.
Now Bishop Allen.
Going to go smoke.
Aware of the time.
Thanking you for yours.

Because in the long run
All of this doesn’t mean a thing.
365 daze of fog.
365 days of daze.
365 days of unimportant numbers.

Think seasons.
Think pink.
Think this sentence out loud.
Thank The Gods.

Thank you
And
GOOD NIGHT.

Hulkamania...

Today I saw condoms for sale at the 99 cent store.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation...

Blogger's now in my cool book. They helped me out. All I had to do was send them a couple of Spiderman comics and some old Hustlers. I am now putting my manuscript of The Great American Novel back in my drawer. I was just on the part where Detective LePuy kisses Madame Goldstein at the old Ralston Bridge and accidently knocks her over and she falls 143 feet to the water and dies. This is much better.

Buy My GMAIL...



What is Fat Free Milk?

Oh, you know - it's all about all of those porno-type things, and about the demons who drag your mom out of the Walmart screaming, and about where fingers go, and about The Clap, and about Agent Orange, and about Frankenberry, can I write anymore in this space. See, I was scared, I thought that I couldn't write anymore, but it ends up...that I can. So you like Spiderman comic books? I do. Can I still write more? Sheesh, it's totally letting me go crazy, how much longer can I keep going? When will it all end? God, there are so many things that I want to say to you right now, dear reader, I just don't know where to start...do these pants make me look fat?


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lifetime committal barberry schoolroom smolder.

would-be users have clamored for accounts with the service, which offers an innovative interface, a powerful search function and 1 GB of storage. The trickles of new accounts that Google released hardly met the raging demand. Some would-be testers plunked down hard cash on eBay -- as much as $200 -- for an account, while the cash-starved made more creative offers on sites such as gmail swap.

Forget Ebay.

Make me a cash offer, check, blargh, blargh...7 bucks...

and I'll send you my last GMAIL invite AND send you a hand drawn picture from myself.

Maybe I'll throw in a couple other things...

KEVYNN@GMAIL.COM