Bizarro House Chores...

Filling up the sink with water and putting the dirty dishes in it does not mean that you're going to do the dishes before the girlfriend gets home. It means that you are lazy and the girlfriend will give an exasperated sigh and mentally add that on her "Reason number 453 why I should've picked (fill in the name of some hunky craphead) list.

Also, today I went for a walk with Chico, the tiny dog who looks like he's wearing a brown jogging suit and we visited the pigs, cows and sheep down by the local college. I've found out that Chico could care less about pigs, likes to pee repeatedly in front of the sheep and is in love with cows. He tried repeatedly to make friends with the cows and tried to get in their pen-thingys. He whined constantly, but only for the cows. I can't think of anything funny to say about this because whatever I say will probably have to do with dog-on-cow sex and that's just gross.

Writing

On pages 9 and 10 of his book Bagombo Snuff Box: Uncollected Short Fiction, Vonnegut listed eight rules for writing a short story:

1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.

2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.

3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.

4. Every sentence must do one of two things -- reveal character or advance the action.

5. Start as close to the end as possible.

6. Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them -- in order that the reader may see what they are made of.

7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.

8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

So it Goes...

299792458 m / s

I've seriously got to stop drinking...

Caffeine.

What I Want RIGHT NOW...

I know, it's not very Buddhist of me but -

I WANT:

A bmx bike and a dirt track.
Launch ramp.
Lunch and/or drinks with Stephen King, Orson Scott Card, Joe Quesada, Warren Ellis and Zelda Fitzgerald.
Millions in VC funding.
The voice of James Earl Jones.
The Heigth of David Prowse.
A personal assistant.
A pet Hobbit, Ewok, Knobby and Snork.
A photographic memory.
Alan Moore's freedom.
Ernest Hemingway's skull.

And an un-cancerous cigarette and more powerful Bud Light.

Jane And Dick...

First book that I ever read was Dick And Jane. Last book I ever read was a graphic novel about a girl coming to grips with her lesbianism and forgiving her dead, closeted, gay father.

Same book, I think.

William Meets Debbie Meets The Dog Alien?

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. SPACE

Approach of a large ship.

The PING of homing radar.

ANGLE ON THE HULL

As it slides past, enormous letters: KANSAS CITY.

EXT. SPACE - ANGLE UP

From below Kansas City as a wide bay opens.

The interceptor comes INTO FRAME and is drawn up into the brightly-lit hold.

The bay closes.

EXT. SPACE

Kansas City. Receding. Gone.

The stars.

FADE OUT.




THE END

DVDA and OPP...

Self,

Just post a pic and go to sleep...

The Planet Mars Has How Many Moons?

I was at the beach for something work-related today. I haven't been to the beach in two years and before that was about two years also. This summer I want to learn how to surf. I tried before and I sucked bad. I am also pale, out-of-shape and scared of sharks.

I will let you know what I think of the beach when I'm there in 2009.

I Find Guilty Pleasure In Knowing Her Parents Are Coming Home...