Knights Of The Old Republic...

I type this without my glasses. Without SPECTACLES, which is the Greek god of sight. Without TESTICLES, which is the Greek god of fertility. I am performing The Seven Labors Of Kevycles. But I keep on getting distracted. This is getting easier to do now. Too easy.

Everything is easier to not do now. Should I start worrying?

Even italicizing that one word took effort.

Typing italicizing made me feel triumphant.

Even typing makes me feel triumphant.

I Am Walter Mitty's Lack Of Realism...

Pretty much every Chrsitmas, I would at least, get a couple of records from my dad. The Adventures Of The Lone Ranger, Robin Hood, Disney's Haunted Mansion, Grimms Fairy Tales, Etc.

Mt favorite though, was a record completely narrated by Danny Kaye. He did all of the character voices for storied like The Something Something Musicians Of Bremen, some skit about peas in a kettle, and something about...oh wait-yeah, he did Rumplestilskin too. Tons of stuff, and he was funny. It had sound effects and the whole deal. This is the type of stuff that I would listen too. Swiss Family Robinson, songs, limericks, blah blah.

I would sit in the dark sometimes and just imagine everything that was going on. I would sing. What else was there to do im my room besides listen to crap on the record player and to play with all of my Star Wars Figures.

I think that my father's record gifts made a huge impact on my life. I can think of nothing better for a kid. Sitting and imagining pictures and settings in your head because you want to. I got outside a lot though, so don't be a buttmunch. I had a surprisingly active lifestyle considering how crappy my parent were.

But I DID have a lot of wonderful books, records and cartoons at my disposal when nobody else would pay attention to me. There's no point to this. I was thinking about a title while driving home after bartending tonight. A girl from Days Of Out Lives, one of the guys from The Wonder Years - one of Kevin Arnold's friends shot the shit with me for a while, and my friend who's related to Johnny Carson came in. Different night tonight. But, anyway - as I was driving home from work and then from buying beer that I will probably only drink two of - I started thinking about Walter Mitty and Danny Kaye.

And noe I'm thinking about more beer, a snack and popping in some good background noise while I sleep the sleep of the just.

The I will wake up for the second job at 9 am - and then will utilize all of my Walter Mitty-ness. I will use a common fountain pen's componets to help repair medical machinery to save a mans life. I will think about Batman and Jason Todd coming back from the dead. I will think of the cast of charcters in two screenplays that I've written that I can never get a final draft of. I will be thinking Emperor Palpatine and pricks of the finger on golden spindles.

fafdfdsahjfdsje

Even Though...

I've lived in OC/LA almost all of my life -

I have no idea where I live.

I don't know cities.

I don't know freeways, I don't know how to get anywhere.

I once tried to go to a AAA (not AA), and wound up at Disneyland.

I always ask about city names and where it is, even though I've been everywhere.

I don't pay attention. Maybe I should. I spent a couple of summers going to the beach all of the time and would now need a Thomas Guide to get there. I get nervous and start to sweat if I end up driving more than twenty minutes.

I have never driven to LA by myself, even though I've driven to San diego, Joshua Tree, San Jose and Las Vegas.

I don't know anything.

Everybody can do things that I can't.

Yet, I've travelled at least through half of the US by myself.

Dichotomous dickhead w/no, or a great sense of non-direction?

Lazy? Yes.

Funny? Yes.

Hopeful? Yes.

Helpless? ALWAYS.

A Paypal Donation Of $2.95 Will Get You...

A personalized secret from me.

This will be something that I haven't told anybody else. Ever.

Hopefully this will not be forwarded or used as blackmail to my girlfriend.

I have a lot of secrets.

Paypal link on the left, lover...hubbahubba

Ten dollars will get you the gay ones.

The link is on the left, bubba...

I Am The Lonely Creature In The Dagobah Swamp...

The clock ticks by slowly at work. Five pm seems very far away. You think of all of the cool things that you could be doing right now even if you don't actually do any of them when you get home. The grass is always more exciting on the other side of the fence. I have friends who will smoke your lawn. I need to close the door. Somebody turned on the air conditioning. Time to smoke. When I do that - my phone will ring. I bet you. Watch......

If You...

Had a boring time at a strip club tonight,

would you chalk it up as a mistake -

or still as a success?

Don't Make Me Turn This Car Around...



Okay. That's it.

I think I'm ready to go now.

To your town, country, island, whatever.

I'm ready to leave. Just let me pack some booze and arrange storage rental for my comic books, toys and girlfriend. Not necessarily in that order of preference.

If you want to sell me on why I should move to a place that you know of...

Please - let me know.

Hurry.

Thanks.

I Am...

Not the security guard singing Al Green to himself at 3 am as I was leaving work.

Weird sentence, I know.

Weird, lonely job? Yes.

Worse than bartending? Yes.

Impossible? Apparently not.

Peter Porker - Spider Ham...

If somebody sends you an invite to a BBQ in Santa Monica this Saturday and you don't have any idea as to whom it's from? Then you must go. You'll have more fun, or at least there will be a hint of surprise as you're driving there. Who am I kidding? I don't drive far. I think I'll have to ask around - but I get the feeling that I just don't remember the person telling me in person because I was drunk at the time. Big surprise.

Fig Newton And The Nature Of Garvity...

I'm getting to be a big bore.

I think that I may have to get so drunk tonight - that I poo my pants.

That should liven things up a bit.