Roaches Have No Karmic Value...

I killed two spiders the other day. One, I felt guilty about and the other - I didn't.

The first fought valiantly. I needed to shower, though. I, at first ran water from the spigot, but the big fucker clung on to the sloped sides with dear life...

fuck - I'm being interrupted...

girlfriend and birthdays parties....

bite me.

You Ruined My Night, Jen - I'm Going Home...

This is what i just heard. Now Im listening to fat Free Radio. Chris Rock is bagging on The Trenchcoat Mafia. I just got kicked out of the bathroom at Jen's house. All of the girls are naked and talking about what they think is wrong with their bodies. They actually kicked me out. This is wrong. Everybody I have known - male or female has seen every part of my body. My mother hasn't even seen me naked as much as my gal friends. So...I'm offended. Like I haven't seen anything of theirs. I streaked in front of two of them last weekend. Nakednakednaked. One small hand covering one small package. I must stop, because this is not my computer - and feels weird.

Jason Todd...

If the stupid cat never would've run out in the first place - he never would've gotten his ass kicked. Now he has three functioning legs. This is either sad for the cat, or tempting to a hungry Vietnamese. Or both.

Poppies...

I am in limbo, am at my new second job, behind a desk, trying to be productive. Trying not to twiddle my thumbs. The boss is on vacation and I'm here all alone. This is very strange.

Who Created Ultron?...



I've never had any idea what I was doing. I've never had a plan. I've never fully dedicated myself to anything. And if I said that I had it all figured out - I was lying.

I hope that whatever I'm doing works because I don't want to be content eighty years from now. I want everything NOW. I want to be floating out on a lake, on a boat. Drunk, sun-burned and singing. Nobody will ever know that I killed her. They would never think to look on the lake bottom. But, I'll keep the head as a souvenir. And if the power goes out in the freezer? Who knows. There are always stores that sell ice, right?

I don't know what that was all about.

You get tired sometimes, sometimes you're too lazy too erase or fix shit - because what's the point? You like it. You hate it. You like it better later, hate it more later, etc.

I killed two spiders today. That seems a bit excessive, doesn't it? One I felt sorry for and one I didn't. I'll explain to you why if you ask me.

I want to stay inside forever. I'm sick of talking to people. I want to be Eric Stoltz from MASK, John Travolta from The Boy In The Bubble and Boo Radley from To Kill A Mockingbird all wrapped up into one. I'm probably a bit more Howard Hughes, though. Just without the immense wealth. doh. I don't know.

Ojo...

am content as an outside cat is when you feed it.

Stan Lee As Willie Lumpkin...

Green lantern. Green Hornet. Green Arrow. All superheros. All stupid names. And trust me, in the nerdy comic book world - there's a lot of them. Even the names that are supposed to sound cool suck. Call me...Deadpool! Lame. Actually, there was an older comic book character name Magnus:Robot Fighter. Now that's okay. It's kind of funny too. Because I automatically know what this guy does. He fights robots. That's what I'm going to say next time that somebody asks me what I do for a living. I'm going to tell them that -

-I'm a robot fighter.

-Ha. Wait...what?

-I fight robots.

-What'd'ya mean, like you build them or something?

-No. You're not listening. I fight them. I'm the best. I don't even need gloves or nuthin' too. Arrgghhh. Beep!

Green Arrow dresses like Robin Hood. Gay. He shoots arrows. GayGay.

Green Hornet. Stupid name. Why a green hornet? Is he sick? Why not the Ass-Stinging Hornet? Sounds more threatening. Maybe the You-Might-Be-Allergic-To-Me-Hornet. More life-threatening.

Now, Green Lantern seems like a nice guy and all. Especially now that they've brought him back from the dead and, but - Green Lantern? First, if you're a normal person then you don't know this guys origin and why the hell he's called that. He powers up his super duper green power ring with a green-colored lantern. Wow. Neat. But if he's named after the thing that he gets his power from, then isn't that kind of like Batman calling himself The Yellow Utility Belt?

Lame. Nerd lame. No spellcheck lame. No nerdcheck.

Tad Hamilton...

I just called myself an "ass-munch" for not putting more cokes in the fridge.

I must be really pissed off.

Me llamo Legolas...

I have an uncanny knack when it comes to archery. Blame it on the dad who was a Boy Scout/YMCA/Army/secret government agency/all-American Rambo. I received an archery set as a kid, I remember - but I don't remember anything else but trying to shoot my dickwad brother with it.

For Xmas, I asked my girlfriend for some arrows and asked for her to string the bow that I got for free from a friend from work. I love her even more because she hung out with fat, white, camo vest-wearing hunters while the work was being performed.

Tonight, I was hanging out with a couple of YOUNG friends that I know through work. Ten years younger. I told them that I was like Legolas. And I am. I can always hit any target that I want to whenever I call it. I have a bale of hay that the girl bought me too. I got six bullseyes out of six tries. That's how gifted I am. I can do this now if you ask me.

I think I'm good. I know I'm boasting, but...

THIS IS IT? I'm good at archery?

Fucking archery?

Not math. No, I don't have a photographic memory. I am not Stephen Hawking's evil twin. I am not Radiohead. I am not Da Vinci. I am talented - but swiss cheese talented.

I can shoot an arrow wherever I want.

This is my luck.

Way too fucking late too.

I am an Idiot Savant.

Heavy on the idiot.

Amy The Hutt...

The best type of friend is one that can be birthday-shopped for at the supermarket.