Friday, April 15, 2005
Me llamo Legolas...
I have an uncanny knack when it comes to archery. Blame it on the dad who was a Boy Scout/YMCA/Army/secret government agency/all-American Rambo. I received an archery set as a kid, I remember - but I don't remember anything else but trying to shoot my dickwad brother with it.
For Xmas, I asked my girlfriend for some arrows and asked for her to string the bow that I got for free from a friend from work. I love her even more because she hung out with fat, white, camo vest-wearing hunters while the work was being performed.
Tonight, I was hanging out with a couple of YOUNG friends that I know through work. Ten years younger. I told them that I was like Legolas. And I am. I can always hit any target that I want to whenever I call it. I have a bale of hay that the girl bought me too. I got six bullseyes out of six tries. That's how gifted I am. I can do this now if you ask me.
I think I'm good. I know I'm boasting, but...
THIS IS IT? I'm good at archery?
Fucking archery?
Not math. No, I don't have a photographic memory. I am not Stephen Hawking's evil twin. I am not Radiohead. I am not Da Vinci. I am talented - but swiss cheese talented.
I can shoot an arrow wherever I want.
This is my luck.
Way too fucking late too.
I am an Idiot Savant.
Heavy on the idiot.
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You ungrateful bastard, you!
ReplyDeleteImagine me waving a fist at you, for you'd be able to feed a whole tribe or two with that skill when the nuclear winter comes.
You will be their king, you will swive the women, the children will worship you, and the men will mutter jealously, but thankfully - oh so thankfully for the mammoth and rats you bring down alike - in the corners.
Myself, I am good at listening. That, and middle-aged women think I am handsome. In your terminology I am swiss-cheese handsome! What good does that do me if I may ask?
You can have all the compliments and hungry stares from the middle-aged women if I get your bow. Deal?