Harry Potter, The Order Of The Pheonix Excerpts Free Download Samples Hee Hee Hee Cats That Look Like Patrick Swayze And Patrick Stewart...

So am I going to get a Twilight Zone-type curse now? I've always entertained the fantasy of what I would do if everybody left the earth for whatever reason, disease, germ warfare, some comet doing something in that horrible 80's movie, whatever...I've always been fascinated with the whole man-alone-apocalyptic thingy. Why? Don't know. Maybe because I'm a snoop. Maybe I'd like to spend time rifling through peoples houses at random and see how they're living. Maybe I'd like to drink all of their beer and open up all of their drawers. Yes, it'd be lonely - but this is pretend. I could carry around a bunch of guns, raid toy stores, pee in SUV's. I could spend the rest of my crappy life reading comics and catching up on the X-Men. I couldn'r watch movies because the electricity would be gone. I'd be chased through the streets by packs of dogs and dive-bombing parakeets. Somehow, I'd wind up with a monkey - I just know it. That'd be cool. I'd teach him how to load bullets into the clips of my firearms. I'd probably dress better. I'd carry a can opener. I'd talk to myself even more than I do now. Read Earth Abides by George R. Stewart, that was a good book, even though that the main character was a conservative, racist, holier-than-thou dick. The Stand was a kick-in-the-pants. I'd probably finish my own books and screenplays. I bet more people would read them then, huh? I'd seal off and fortify my city and rename it HELL or something. Eventually, I'd find my way to an island and just make do there. Maybe I'd find a tiger, or a dinosaur or something and let my monkey ride on top of him and take notes for me.

Maybe there's an island somewhere in the world now for people like me...with bars on the windows...ha.

Riddle Me This, Batman...


I've never been able to decide if Sarah Jessica Parker is hot or not. Hmmm...

2600 With Wood Paneling...

There's a commercial on the TV for a car that has the old arcade game Asteroids in the beginning. I'm sorry that the last three posts were about TV, by the way, but I can't help it. My gal is asleep, so I sometimes put on the huge ass TV on instead of music, I like to steal glances now and then. Anyway...seeing Asteroids on a modern day TV looked kind of cool, it made me want to dig up an old Atari and play some of those games, or at least that Nintendo that we have in the closet. I could go for some Legend Of Zelda, Super Mario Brothers, or Duck Hunt. I just might have to try that after I get off of work tomorrow. Or I could just be responsible and let sleeping dogs...um, sleep and not get hooked back up again..err...yeah.

Collect 100 coins and get a free life. Mario's a bitch. Q-Bert had no arms. Link was gay. Dig Dug was dirty. Pac Man was a fat slob.

Goodnight / morning.

Laugh It Up Fuzz Ball...

I'm watching humans in monkeys suits fight each other on Discovery Channel. There's something disturbing to me about humans in monkey, I mean ape suits. I don't know why. I'd rather see Chewbacca fight em' all. If George Lucas was smart, he'd create a show called The Adventures Of Chewie. Everybody's favorite wookie would fly around the galaxy and solve mysteries. Kind of like an inter planetary Colombo - just without the lazy eye.

Jeebus Christ...

I love The Simpsons, but I've probably only watched a fourth of all of the episodes unlike some of my friends. But, then again - I don't smoke pot, so that might be the reason I find it hard to plan to watch anything on television. I usually find something by accident. Sometimes it's hard, doody-fresh. Anyway, how come every single time I actually get a chance to watch The Simpsons...It's One Of The Same Damn Episodes I've Already Seen???

Give a brutha a break, yo.

Let's Get It On...

As I write this, my girlfriend is puking...Welcome home, honey. Don't think that I'm an insensitive bastard - I already pulled her hair back in a ponytail, gave her water, took off her jewelry, and all of that stuff. I just peeked over. She looks pretty miserable, but that's what happens - doesn't it? Oh, you people crack me up. I know that I jump out of cars and crap when I'm drunk, I may write some nonsense on the computer - but, it takes a lot for me to kiss the butt seat. But, then I'm a wuss and only stick to the light beers and the ultra light cigarettes. This suits me just fine, Bubba.

At the bar, my gal and I were talking to a guy that I've served on my bartending shift. I always call him a cab. He put something in my hand as he got into his cab. Gee, thanks man. He gave me some cocaine. Uhhh...I smiled and waved. Looked at it. Yup, coke. Watched the cab leave and poured that stuff into the street. I guess I could have sold it, but I'd never sell that shite to a friend, so what's the point. Should I be touched? I'm so naive when it comes to that stuff. I never think that people that I'm mingling around with are doing drugs. Trust me, I'm no innocent - but, Damn, aren't we all getting a little older? This guy probably had kids too. I bet that he gives his kids shit for drinking too much soda.

Anyway, I poured it out on the street after he left. I feel sorry for all of the ants that OD'd because of me. I feel like a little kid when I find out that people are doing coke, heroin, and...organized religion.

I feel perfectly fine with my small vices. They suck. But they're damn cool right now, and the worse thing that I'll do is listen to this Marvin Gay song as my girlfriend expunges her Captain and diet cokes, Uh oh, shes not in the bathroom anymore....Okay, I just got her out of the bed and back to the toilet. Cough, Cough goes the gal, and I'm writing like a madman. I guess, maybe - I might be a little buzzed right now, because I'm going to tell you that I love you. Yeah, you, you sick bastard. Love my butt, please. And, also...love the two new books that I'm going to start writing that have to be done by Christmas. Yeah, you heard me. I said it. Christmas.

And my birthday's coming up on the 25th, and it's a toss between a potential yacht trip with my friend's landlord, Chuck E. Cheese and then a strip club, camping, or just sitting at home and getting kinda kee-razy. Decisions. Choices. Your momma's got a mouth on the back of her neck, and the bitch chews like this... ( demonstration ).

As I write this, my girlfriend is sleeping...

Choose Your Own Adventure...

Today's post will be written by you - Whatever you want to see see will be written by you in the commenting section. Bleed your heart out, whine, complain, tell me what you did today. What do you hate. Today is Your Blog Day. This is your day. Friends passed out. I'm a pimp. You're an elephant...

Super - Absorbant...

The word, " Tampax " just sounds dirty doesn't it? Or violent?

"Don't make me Tampax you!"

"I'm gonna kick you in the Tampax!"

"This is my aunt Tampax."

"I slept with a whore in Tijuana and she gave me the Tampax."

Like A Heart Attack...

She's back tomorrow. My girlfriend has had her fill of European sex, and is arriving tomorrow. I cleaned the house like nobody's biznatch. Everything looks good. I was pretty boring while she was gone, wasn't I? But that a good thing I think. But let me tell you, puppies. I'm about ready to get rip-roarin', stinkin' drunk tonight. Yup. That's right, people. Then tomorrow morning, it's all about the wonders of LAX. I have to remember to not wear any of my scary belts with all of the skulls or metal on them. Not that I don't mind taking off my belt in front of complete strangers or anything - but it's just a bitch to get them back on as your being hustled away dy a fat airport security guys hand. I don't know what I just said. That's okay. God damn full moon. I miss werewolves. Thank you.

i got the purple heart, that is so sacrilicousiously phantistic