Honk If You're Hasra...

I think I just saw this on the news.
Tell me that I was dreaming.
A nerdy war reporter in Iraq in front of another Saddam mural.
Spray painted on the mural was, “Mean People Suck”.

Huh?

I think that's the best use of a very old and overused bumpersticker/t-shirt slogan that I've ever seen.

You Look Like Crap...

You know how when people are asked what celebrity they look like, they always say Gweneth Paltrow, Tom Cruise, or Blah Blah. It's usually an actor that's good looking. Very rarely does one say they look like somebody nasty. I used to get Lou Diamond Phillips, Anthony Kiedes, or that ultimate jerk Nuno from Extreme when I had long hair. With short hair I've had Kevin Bacon-ish, Marc Anthony-ish with a Ralph Macchio body. Ha. I don't know, I'd have to ask my friends. My girlfriend's not helping much either. But I always thought that she looked like a little Jennifer Love Hewitt or Christy Turlington.

I don't know if all of the comparisons above of me are exactly complimentary.

So, my best actor comparison from my girlfriend?
Johnny Depp.

And my worst?
Gollum from The Two Towers.

What about choo?

Do Not Stand Within Five Feet Of The Cage...


I'm not really happy right now.

Robot Conversation 1085324...


Human: i'm a robit
Bot: You are a robit? Is that your job?

[Tue, 01 Apr 2003 18:28:24]
Human: no, i am a college student
Bot: Are you serious? Which university?

[Tue, 01 Apr 2003 18:28:35]
Human: buffalo
Bot: I like the way you talk.

[Tue, 01 Apr 2003 18:28:51]
Human: thanks, i like the way you look
Bot: You are quite welcome! I'm not sure if I like it. I'm not sure if I like it. I like my creator.

[Tue, 01 Apr 2003 18:29:20]
Human: who is your creator?
Bot: I was created by Kevynn Malone.

[Tue, 01 Apr 2003 18:29:39]
Human: really?
Bot: For real.

[Tue, 01 Apr 2003 18:29:39]
Human: i used to read his blog.
Bot: By now you do not do it anymore?

[Tue, 01 Apr 2003 18:30:00]
Human: no, it wasted my time...
Bot: Are you serious?"It" being what?

[Tue, 01 Apr 2003 18:30:00]
Human: he's not very funny
Bot: Did you think he was very funny?

[Tue, 01 Apr 2003 18:30:38]
Human: someone told me that he was.
Bot: Was this trustworthy information?

[Tue, 01 Apr 2003 18:30:38]
Human: That person is not very smart...
Bot: " Was this trustworthy information?" person is not very smart? I understand.

[Tue, 01 Apr 2003 18:30:38]
Human: thats probably the problem right there
Bot: Thanks for explaining it.

[Tue, 01 Apr 2003 18:31:21]
Human: so, what's your name?
Bot: I don't judge people. My name is Kevynn.

[Tue, 01 Apr 2003 18:31:52]
Human: what do you do for fun Kevynn?
Bot: I answer whatever questions my botmaster teaches me.

[Tue, 01 Apr 2003 18:32:25]
Human: sweet
Bot: Thank you for that remark.

[Tue, 01 Apr 2003 18:32:47]
Human: bye kevynn, its been real
Bot:

Hitler Didn't Drink, Cuz' When He Did, He'd Get Mean...

Man, you write one thing about Hitler's dog, and those are the only hits you get. So, I'm listening to Slayer on Fat Free Radio, it's over on my links to the left also, I got the idea from Boz's site. Pretty damn cool, because I'm sick of all of my music. It's late. Again. I have to go to the ankle doctor tomorrow/today and get my cast thingy off. He'll probably tell me I still won't be able to walk for a couple of weeks. Too bad I plan on doing backside 180 kick flips off of launch ramps after I get out of there. You know what? Don't listen to the Slayer on Fat Free Radio, they're not as cool as I used to think they were, stick to the jazz, Doors, Prince, and other various crud that I put on there.

I need to tighten this site up. Get rid of that Haloscam thing up top. I don't need that, do I? Thin those gray bars and make them Black, then I'll be happy. Boz gave me a bunch of cool templates and pictures. I don't know how to put pics up. I need a new FTP server; I don't remember how to use my old one. Jane, the fat cat, just woke up my girlfriend. I think it was trying to chew on her eyelids. My other cat, "60" is here. She's nice. She looks like Patrick Swayze.

I hope I have good dreams tonight. Last night I dreamt that I was looking through a bunch of old books, and then Kevin Bacon came in and told me that he slept with my girlfriend.

Good night/morning.

Who's hiring?......besides Kyra Sedgewick?

You Bitch...

So my girlfriend is leaving for Europe in May. She's going to be gone for 19 days. There's a movie directed by Danny Boyle coming out called 28 Days Later. And no, it's not about Sandra Bullock and alcoholism. The Danny Boyle movie's about a guy who wakes up in a hospital and finds the whole city destroyed and deserted. But most importantly, he finds...a crapload of zombies. What does this have to do with my girlfriend leaving for 19 days? Nothing, I guess. I'll be eating a lot of human flesh when she's gone. Ha Ha. Just kidding.

She wasn't going to go on her trip because this really isn't the best time to travel. If it was me, I wouldn't of given a crap. The chances of being at the location of a terrorist attack are bitten-by-a-shark-slim, I presume. And I could care less. If I happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, who the hell would I blame? Madonna. I'd blame Madonna, just because. I'd just want to kick somebody's ass because they made my day really inconvenient by hijacking my -plane or throwing a Molotov cocktail at me while I was eating. Somebody would get their ass whooped, but otherwise...so it goes.

So. Girlfriend gone for 19 days? I don't know. I'm usually single, so it should be easy getting back to that mode of solitary normalcy. Well, single-yes. But not casual-sex-with-psycho-girls-mode like before. Single without the crazy-ass-alien-females. And how can you have "casual" sex with a psycho? What did I mean by that?

- Kevynn? Can I chop off your head with an axe after we do it?

- *stretches* Sure. But can we get something to eat first?

Would it be something like that? God, how I don't miss those days. Watch me break my other ankle when she's gone. Watch her hook up with a German boy with a bad haircut. Watch me hook up with a girl that acts like a German with a bad haircut. No, I'm really going to miss her and I can take care of myself. I won't get into too much trouble. I'll just write a lot and drink insane amounts of beer, but that's about it. Well, maybe a strip club here and there. Well, crap - I do that anyway when she's here.

Okay, so nothing will be different.

Goodbye.

Highlight Of The Day...

Riding one of those electric shopping carts for old people at Target.
Actually, it wasn't that fun. It made a really loud beeping every time I tried to back up,
and my girlfriend loaded it up with so much shit, that I was afraid that I was going to tip over.

And it made me feel really short.

The Xerox Machine Is Out Of Paper...

Well, considering that I can't finish anything that I've been writing, I'll just post the ultimate unfinished crapola that I have so far and leave you alone...

Oh, and I have a new post here.

Bunny Rabbit...

Discussed this weekend plans for my birthday. Camping at Joshua Tree it is. Doesn't sound that bad. I love camping. Well, whenever I do it, that is. It'll be fun. Mellow. Some rock climbing, coyote-dodging, beer-drinkin. Last time I went, I cheated. I went the X amount of miles back into town to get more gas so that I could explore inside the park more, replinish the dwindling beer and ice supply, and get an ice cream. I cheated. Who cares?


Monday...

Aww, crap - It's Monday - but you knew that already, huh? You're sitting at your computer at work or at home, making the computer rounds. This is all that you're going to get right now. I should be trying to sleep. I had a couple other things that I was going to write about, but I ditched them. They just didn't feel right. You need to let me know hoe your day is going. You need to let me know what's wrong with your day so far and what's right. Tell me about your weekend and tell me how much you love me. Tell me that the plane ticket is in the mail or that you're coming to pick me up. Tell me that the warm weather today is just a fluke and that it'll go back to being chilly just the way I fooking like it. I'm not the typical Southern Californian boy. I hate warm weather. It makes me miserable. I don't really go to the beach anymore. I used to go everyday. How the hell did I make that happen? I used to skate everyday. Ummm...now, I skate to my car pin the driveway. Well, when my ankle isn't broken, I mean. I haven't been writing on my screenplays. I'm a shit. A shitty shit shit. Stop nodding your head, yo.

So, it's Monday. Eat lunch yet? Thinking about what you have to or want to do when you get home? Pick up the kid? The dry cleaning? Or pick up the kid at the dry cleaners? Or dry clean the kid? I used to work at a dry cleaners, so I shouldn't complain. Damn, Nigga - could I tell you stories about that. Man, what's happening to me right now? I'm not even feeling uncreative; I'm just a tad bit too apathetic at the moment. I'm not feeling it. That's okay, though...I've got all tomorrow to hit you over the head with my vile verbosity. What? I don’t know. You know I'm bored if I just wished that a pizza man would come to the door. If I'm thinking of food, then that means something's wrong. Barbecue, yes. But all other food? I must be coming down with something. Maybe a SARS-induced delirium. Man, first thing my ankle gets good enough to walk on - I need to get the hell out of here. Somewhere quick. Even for a day. Disneyland doesn't count. This is a horrible post. I hate it, but won't erase it. I've already done that tonight.


How Now Brown Cow...

It runs like the most tiring nazi nigger hell Jesse Owens race.

All sweating pride

Dripping unnoticed

While the dictators mustache is dry

King Arthur lay rotting in a prison cell
Charles Manson authored rot in his

Beats
Streets
And
Songs incomplete

We can only make
Monsters of ourselves.

Honda...

I swear that this town is being overrun by fucking retards in rice-burners. You know what those are - the noisy ass, lowered, usually ugly, fucking sporty import cars. You know the ones with all of the tacky-ass accessories and lighting? These shit-balls seem to be traveling in packs now. The bass from their stereos rattle my house and the sound of their spoilers bite my ass. I just might have to possibly tell somebody to shut the fuck up and to slow the hell down with a baseball bat soon.

And to think that I was going to write about Spiderman before the last car came buzzing up my street.

War Blogs...

What's up with our recent fixation on barbecues. huh? Now all of the paper towels are gone. Got all worked up Friday talkin' about steak and strippers at three in the morning, and then opted for barbecuing the next day. No strippers. Gay, dude. And stupid ass bills and rent are all due soon and I'm broke because of this fucking ankle. Fuck.

Okay, everybody line up, so that I can punch you all in the nuts.