Mein head...

How do you say "head" in German? Forget it. I don't want to know how to speak German anyway. I'll never go there, and the only German people that I've ever known were friends of my neighbors. They wanted to take my cat home with them.

Today, I was taking out the trash. I was walking to the backyard and one of my neighbors was walking down his steps. I said hi and scared the shit out of him. That's normal because I walk like a ninja and can be quite stealthy, but he had to stop and compose himself afterwards. I guess the night before his roommate had to call the cops because a couple of white-trash transients were hanging out in front of the Hollywood video threatening two little black girls, calling them Jigaboo and telling them that they had a gun. So the cops came, etc. I guess he saw the same white-trash car across the street today, so they were both talking about it, then one of my neighbors goes outside and sees me with my newly shaven head. Mr. Speed Freak Lookin' Skinhead. Giving him a heart attack.

Do skinheads smoke Marlboro light 100's?

I think not.
Carry on.

Go away, Hitler - there's no Germany here...

God(s), Help Me But...

Wouldn't it be alot cooler if strippers gave you ham sandwiches and an ice cold Coke too?

Y?...

Do I get the feeling that I'm going to hate every single moment of today?

And why do I get the feeling that I might get devoured by rats in my sleep?

Ewok Village...

I don't live out in the sticks. I don't live in a small city either,
but damn-we have some big, fuckin' racoons here.
They must live in the monstrous palm tree that I've got by the side of my house. There's four of them. All are about the size of a medium-size dog. I'm not kidding. Last night they woke me up four times because they were playing on the roof. After the last time, I went outside to scare them away. There were two of them. They flicked their cigarette butts at me so I went back inside.

I'm scared they're gonna mug me and take all of my shiny objects.

Wake Up, Donnie...

I suck. I have eleven HBO channels.
It was cheap though, so shut it.
Anyway, certain movies are always on.
Some are sort of recent, like the first Harry Potter, Sexy Beast, etc.
But this morning they had Donnie Darko on. I've seen it once before and liked it alot.
But, check this out? I like the movie, okay? Strange that I've never seen HBO play the movie before on any of its million channels. Why New Years Day out of all days? And guess what they followed it up with? BOOTY CALL! Hmmm...so does this mean that somebody up in Content or programming thought this up?

- Okay. All of America will have a hang over, so we'll put on a good movie while no one can see it.

- Yeah, that sounds great. And then after it's done, we'll put on something with Bell Belamey.

- Perfect!

HBO, explain your choices please.

It Looks Pretty Good, So Far...

Standing in the middle of a blocked-off street in front of a bar last night. Fireworks going off. Looking at how bright the whole shindig was. Wondering if something was going to catch fire. Looking at the cops. Wanting to wish them a Happy New Year, but thinking that might make their night worse and that they might think that I was being weird.Tons of bozos at a bar across the street making fools of themselves. The whole celebratory New Years thing is stupid. Amateur drinkers not-counting down in unison and blowing horns because 365 days have passed. My girlfriend wishing everybody a Happy New Year on her cel phone until I told her to turn it off. A couple of young boys on roller blades sped by really fast. They had on glowing head bands and backpacks. The taller one tried to duck under a police barricade and fell on his ass and broke the whole barrcicade, The cops stood there looking at him while the bar across the street laughed like a bunch of monkeys. I could see it happening and was so glad that it did. I could smell a riot coming on, so I made my girlfriend go back inside. We then wasted more money on drinks.

After all of the bars, friends went to Tony and Chris' place. It was winding down. Various folk and my girlfriend asleep in various spots around the apartment. I was playing video games with Joe. I got up. Went to the bathroom, and then came back out with no hair and a shaved head that looks like a monkey's ass.

Then we went to Denny's.

Like I said, It looks pretty good so far.

Who Changes Baby New Years Diapers?...

This year I managed not to get mauled by a pack of wild dogs. That's good.
I rarely kicked anyone in the crotch.
I managed to infuse my body with just about as much booze as oxygen.
I fought balding for another year.
I lost weight. Now I weigh 135 instead of 136.
I read things other than porn.

I stopped visiting your mom.

She says to write her, by the way. And to send money.

Happy New Year, you bastards!

I have something(s) to tell you...

I curse IKEA for what it does to my girlfriend.

Please cry me a river. I can't get that stupid
Justin Timberlake song out of my head even
though I've only heard it reluctantly in the last month.

New Years Eve means more work for me.

I hate car insurance. I'm scared of cops right now.

I have a new record player and am playing Perry Como.
Does that make me hip, or a complete, fucking idiot?

Should I post a picture of myself on this site? I'd be scared to do it.

Have you scrolled down to my links and talked to my new-and -improved-gothic-Hives-lead-singer-robot?

I'm going to play Castle Risk tonight.

And I'm gay.


Thank you for your support.

How's It Feel, Bitch?...

Huh? Nose back to the grindstone yet?
Need some coffee?
That fat whore from QA is still wearing her perfume too strong,
except now she's wearing her new Christmas perfume and it's vanilla-scented.
The obnoxious, fat tech guy is talking too loudly about what he got for Christmas.
Your supervisor left you a fat stack of shit to work through before you even took your coat off.
You are in debt.
There are new rules posted somewhere about...something.
Seeing the Two Towers still did nothing to erase your memory of this place.


Welcome back to work, you fuckers.

Why Is It Always Cats And Dogs?...

Tom's always chasing Jerry.
Itchy and Scratchy.
Not Ren and Stimpy.
Rex chased Heathcliff.

Who else?

Let's stop this cat on dog and dog on cat crime.