the 10 lives of a cat...

 You know, it sounds kind of dumb, or pedestrian, or like I'm somehow...elongating a pause for dramatic effect - taffy-pulling the ellipsis, as they used to say. No, no one actually says that. It sound's like a tongue-in-cheek, kind of gay, Popeye the Sailor wink* wink* - DUDE, what the hell am I talking about? I sometimes say that I'm lost when I'm just writing for Kevin's sake jdihvsiacarrrrrrr loud right nowwwww stupiddddd spoiler alert small penis syndrome, I hate cars and idiots who know that they're interuptting people and though no one admits it but EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT OWS ONE OF THESE LOUD MOTORCYCLES OR FUCKING CARS - be ita rice burner thing or a classic car or your matching fucking Harley or Indian with your cute, matching leather VEST, honey that you only bring out with your "crew" whn you guys go riding on t weekend. Special suits for special occasions though, that's the REAL you, right? Real estate is just your day job, or what you do - it's not who you ARE, you know? You have too eat, I mean you have to survive - you have a WIFE. KIDS. School to pay for, bills - a mortgage, I mean - you can't just drop what yopu're doing, I mean who you areeeee - that never just goes away, you know - you have responsibilities, you can't just give uo what you want because of what you think, because, you know -just on a dream, can you? 

And I lost myself again. There's a piece of candy I just noticed. Out here, at the edge of the spa, the big spa in the backyard that's not mine and probably won't be in the next month or two. I don't know where I'll be either and yes, it's scary but what's scarier is the now-almost second-skin familiarity of potential homelessness/constant displacement/dark doom clouded disapointment/failure/loneliness another failed relationship. grown up so much but still remain the same. Incremental 4 year relationships. they move on, like your on a dock or those stairs with wheels and they're in an airport lobby doing a half wave and getting smaller and smaller and more distant every moment. That's what time is lije, that's what today is like, and that's what my life is like. Like on the back of a 9o's VHS tape back, only slightly yellowed or orANGE-ISH

AND A DUMB, LOUD TRUCK OVER THE WALL JUST DROVE ME out of my mind and out of this memory

hello, police siren

hello, bird

hello, darkness

my only friend

dumb plane