I am Jane Goodall's Tanzanian monkeys typing about bananas. My fingers are Santa's little helpers. My hope is a sporadic rainfall - yet a torrential downpour in all creative environments. I am Theseus, unspooling golden yarn. Sisyphus, sweating uphill. Bukowski, scribbling away in rooming houses. A river always flowing. I am the nightmare of stagnancy and a God of Imagination.
Thursday, May 08, 2014
You think you're old now.
Wait until later.
You'll be REALLY OLD and then look back on today with nostalgia, laments, mistakes/regrets, you'll look back on what you should've done, and the y's and the ynot's, etc.
But, hey - we were only babies years ago and we couldn't even feed ourselves or control our bodily functions. What did we know?
But, we'll be there again. Maybe we're there right now, going through those same things.
You think you're old now.
Wait until later.
YOU'LL BE DEAD.
FUCKING DEAD.
Tuesday, May 06, 2014
I
Am making peace with my life
And am putting together
Hopefully
Something better
More pieces
Towards
A full future
Iminbedanditsdarkandiwrotethisonmytinyphone
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Thursday, April 17, 2014
A Journey - By Edward Field
When he got up that morning everything was different:
He enjoyed the bright spring day
But he did not realize it exactly, he just enjoyed it.
And walking down the street to the railroad station
Past magnolia trees with dying flowers like old socks
It was a long time since he had breathed so simply.
Tears filled his eyes and it felt good
But he held them back
Because men didn't walk around crying in that town.
Waiting on the platform at the station
The fear came over him of something terrible about to happen:
The train was late and he recited the alphabet to keep hold.
And in its time it came screeching in
And as it went on making its usual stops,
People coming and going, telephone poles passing,
He hid his head behind a newspaper
No longer able to hold back the sobs, and willed his eyes
To follow the rational weavings of the seat fabric.
He didn't do anything violent as he had imagined.
He cried for a long time, but when he finally quieted down
A place in him that had been closed like a fist was open,
And at the end of the ride he stood up and got off that train:
And through the streets and in all the places he lived in later on
He walked, himself at last, a man among men,
With such radiance that everyone looked up and wondered.
But he did not realize it exactly, he just enjoyed it.
And walking down the street to the railroad station
Past magnolia trees with dying flowers like old socks
It was a long time since he had breathed so simply.
Tears filled his eyes and it felt good
But he held them back
Because men didn't walk around crying in that town.
Waiting on the platform at the station
The fear came over him of something terrible about to happen:
The train was late and he recited the alphabet to keep hold.
And in its time it came screeching in
And as it went on making its usual stops,
People coming and going, telephone poles passing,
He hid his head behind a newspaper
No longer able to hold back the sobs, and willed his eyes
To follow the rational weavings of the seat fabric.
He didn't do anything violent as he had imagined.
He cried for a long time, but when he finally quieted down
A place in him that had been closed like a fist was open,
And at the end of the ride he stood up and got off that train:
And through the streets and in all the places he lived in later on
He walked, himself at last, a man among men,
With such radiance that everyone looked up and wondered.
future facebook posts
One home and then I'm going drink
I'm watching a J.K. Rowling biopsy movie on Amazon Prime
I think she's going to get pregnant (MY MOM)
I'd like to keep on talking to you but I'm asleep
GET YOUR OWN DEAD PARENTS
eht prey luhv
Please press NEIN if you mean NO
Please press NIN if you mean Trent Reznor
If you lost your camouflage pants in the woods? You WANT somebody to find you
I'm so glad that my name isn't BILL and that you know whom to pay
If you ever want somebody to donate to your organization? Don't call it, "S.P.E.R.M."
Wednesday, April 02, 2014
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Sometimes...
I understand what you're feeling by what you write when I read it.
Is this normal?
I'm thinking that I'm quite the opposite.
There are people that have read more of my writing here and can only glean a gossamer of tendrils of who and what I am in real? life. That was a weird sentence.
I'm much more than my writing, even though it's a huge chunk of my soul. I WILL NEVER NOT WRITE.
I WRITE ALL OF THE TIME.
Not as much as I want to - but I do. Scraps of paper. Jot down things in notebooks, write things on other peoples shit.
It's waves, baby. I'm not you. I'm ME.
I'm a fucking tsunami. I sleep. And then. I'm a fucking tsunami again. And then i'm the quietly lapping pond. AND THEN I'm THHHHEEEeeeee tsunami. The little tsunami. A mini-tempest.
I don't know you better then you see me.
I can't decide what to wear.
snorkel
arm floaties
submarine
just drown
or get the fuck out of the water and stay on dry land
until another siren calls to me
Ahhhh...but you just made me write somewhat about you...
SNORKEL
Is this normal?
I'm thinking that I'm quite the opposite.
There are people that have read more of my writing here and can only glean a gossamer of tendrils of who and what I am in real? life. That was a weird sentence.
I'm much more than my writing, even though it's a huge chunk of my soul. I WILL NEVER NOT WRITE.
I WRITE ALL OF THE TIME.
Not as much as I want to - but I do. Scraps of paper. Jot down things in notebooks, write things on other peoples shit.
It's waves, baby. I'm not you. I'm ME.
I'm a fucking tsunami. I sleep. And then. I'm a fucking tsunami again. And then i'm the quietly lapping pond. AND THEN I'm THHHHEEEeeeee tsunami. The little tsunami. A mini-tempest.
I don't know you better then you see me.
I can't decide what to wear.
snorkel
arm floaties
submarine
just drown
or get the fuck out of the water and stay on dry land
until another siren calls to me
Ahhhh...but you just made me write somewhat about you...
SNORKEL
Friday, February 21, 2014
Will You Walk With Me?
in an amount of painful, laborious and sometimes -
long strides...
i hope that my small steps in life
will be recognized
by true friends
lovers
God(s)
all witnessess
and ME -
after this life......
this life of mine......
will you walk with me?
Thursday, February 20, 2014
I Feel Appreciated...
A Thank-You Note to Men
By Mary-Louise Parker
To you, whom it may concern:
Manly creature, who smells good even when you don't, you wake up too slowly, with fuzzy, vertical hair and a slightly lost look on your face as though you are seven or seventy-five; you can fix my front door, my sink, and open most jars; you, who lose a cuff link and have to settle for a safety pin, you have promised to slay unfortunate interlopers and dragons with your Phillips head or Montblanc; to you, because you will notice a woman with a healthy chunk of years or pounds on her and let out a wolf whistle under your breath and mean it; because you think either rug will be fine, really it will; you seem to walk down the street a little taller than me, a little more aware but with a purpose still; to you who codifies, conjugates, slams a puck, baits a hook, builds a decent cabinet or the perfect sandwich; you who gives a twenty to the kids selling Hershey's bars and waits at baggage claim for three hours in your flannel shirt; you, sir, you take my order, my pulse, my bullshit; you who soaps me in the shower, soaks with me in the tub; to you, boy grown-up, the gentleman, soldier, professor, or caveman, the fancy man with initials on your towels and salt on your chocolates, to you and to that guy at the concession stand; thank you for the tour of the vineyard, the fire station, the sound booth, thank you for the kaleidoscope, the Horsehead Nebula, the painting, the truth; to you who carries me across the parking lot, up the stairs, to the ER, to roll-away or rice mat; to you who shows up every so often only to confuse and torment, and you who stays in orbit, always, to my left and steady, you stood up for me, I won't forget that; to you, the one who can't figure it out and never will, and you who lost the remote, the dog, or your way altogether; to you, wizard, you sang in my ear and brought me back from the dead, you tell me things, make me shiver; to the ones who destroyed me, even if for a minute, and to the ones who grew me, consumed me, gave me my heart back times ten; to most everything that deserves to call itself a man: How I do love thee, with your skill to light fires that keep me warm, light me up.
Tuesday, February 04, 2014
Friday, January 31, 2014
Karoshi
これは一生懸命働いていないに向けた私の最初のステップです。私は長生きしたいと思います。私はlovlongerしたいと思います。私はあなたが私と一緒にこれらのパスを移動することもここになりますことを願って、私はあなたが楽しい時間を共有するためにここになりますことを願っています。これを読み取って、みんなに幸せとのれん。
:)
:)
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Write HERE......
Years can go by, Kid
hope becomes stagnant
but out of the murk
and miasmac, primordial messes
germinated from dreams deferred
will and spirits dampened
always comes
LIFE
Years can go by, Kid
and eons/minutes/seconds can too
It never ends, Man
This is where all things come from
where it begins
From there
Right HERE......
hope becomes stagnant
but out of the murk
and miasmac, primordial messes
germinated from dreams deferred
will and spirits dampened
always comes
LIFE
Years can go by, Kid
and eons/minutes/seconds can too
It never ends, Man
This is where all things come from
where it begins
From there
Right HERE......
Sunday, January 19, 2014
I'm Falling Asleep...
I died before
I want to know you better
Before this happens again
Before we wake up
500 Internal Server Error
Sorry, something went wrong.A team of highly trained monkeys has been dispatched to deal with this situation.
If you see them, show them this information:
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Tuesday, January 14, 2014
It's Too Late...
It's part of the problem but I'm fixing it.
You don't believe me - but I am.
I TOLD YOU.
Some big changes have to happen incrementally.
Some small steps get propelled forward regardless of our dancing or dragging feet.
It's much more complicated than this.
You know.
I know.
Anyway.
I have the things written down on the mirror and the books and the blahblahblah
HEY.
Yeah, HEY.
I want to work for that ONE GUY/HELP OUT/WORK WITH?
that I kind of know
that works for MEOWWWWWW
at Cartoon Network
That's 2014, bitches.
No. Seriously. WATCH.
notactuallygoingtohashtagthesentencethatIjustwrote
Thursday, January 09, 2014
I'm happy
I think that I really AM
I have MUCH room for improvement
and my increments of tortoise-like progress
hopefully doesn't race against all of your hare-brained disillusions
Yes, we're all on the clock
but I'm on my own\here
I'm starting this now
anew
not for the finish
but for amazing progress
I WIN
I really think that I do
I think that I really AM
I have MUCH room for improvement
and my increments of tortoise-like progress
hopefully doesn't race against all of your hare-brained disillusions
Yes, we're all on the clock
but I'm on my own\here
I'm starting this now
anew
not for the finish
but for amazing progress
I WIN
I really think that I do
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
There are so many things that I want to do right now
So many things that I want to put down
Mass-Invite for Enders Game
more movies and books
to check out
based on
conversations
need to do the fund-raiser
how is Mark?
ebay sales
more stuff to sell now
my little sister
how is my Dad?
my Mother
doesn't have my number
old companies for
full-time writing gigs
this means travel
or relocating, maybe
finish reading
Area 51
Under The Dome
The Giver
thebookthatSTEVEgave me
The Tender Bar
I846
Doctor Sleep
Night
and more...
Comic Books from the library
BLACK from CNN
research my inevitable Fukishima death
and need to work on my winter garden
eat more vegetarian
Kirkus Review gig
I have notes taped in my kitchen re:social engagements
I need to get more sleep
I want to figure out how to put my "Bartending/Romance" script/mess in my local theater
Now, "Wade" want's me to submit material for a theater XMAS show
"Andy" never got back to me about his lyric rewrites that he wants me to help him with
I need to work on my Fat Free Milk book
Need to remember to go to "Kelly's" art show
"Luis" and I are supposed to play drums and electric bass like we used to
"Tony" wants to do more hip-hop songs
My cartoon script needs a home
I want to build a green house for you/me/us
Visit ALL of my nephews
Ann is dying
My Dad is dying
There is a black cat
in the middle of
the street right now
I need to pound out that dent in my car
I need to fix these XMAS lights
I need to save money for Hawaii,
the IRS
CAR and more...
more dentist work
more Muay Thai again
and finally some Krav Maga
save money for the expensive shoes that I like
sell everything
I need more contact lenses
I need to sell all of my DVD's
Set a date for my next Sci-Fi Club
Have a party
Go to Brooklyn
Joshua Tree like i used to
Buy "Black-Out Curtains"
Spend more time with
April and Jamal
and Chris and Tony
and Joe
and continue to make mew friends
to buy a fire-pit because everybody loves fire
to work harder
to work LESS
to be THE same
but be DIFFERENT
to love MORE
and to HATE less
to look UP more
and to not be so DOWN
I'm giving so much
and giving so many things away
always learning
always yearning
playmorechess
buyabaseballglove
tobuymorearrows
andabetterbow
tobuyagun
and
to m e d i t a t e MORE
and to stretch moooooorrrreeeee
to relearn how to write
to take more trips by myself again
to learn how to install dimmers for my lighting fixtures
to learn what cloud formations mean
coding
programming
to make money off of my dumb websites
to woodwork
to buy the tools to build things
to build my own motorcycle
to go away at least for one week
and to not tell you where I am/have been
to buy fishing equipment
to rotate/restock the emergency supplies in my car
to give creative writing courses
to read The Tarot
to relearn my World Map
to know Astronomy
and to contribute as a business owner to my local economy
to reread my college philosophy books
to write
Gun Arm
PAYNE
Hydromania, Prozac and The Apology
and
to write words for Mike Magowski
and
to write words for Mandie Bee's photos
Funny thing...the other weekend?
He didn't mean any ill-will
but Nick asked me innocently
if I had I hard time concentrating?
I was, like...Duh?
and he said that he and Terry that
that me
especially @home
that I did
I said, like - DUH?
and muttered something about ADHD
I told him about how I cant keep still
how it's hard for me to concentrate
I can. I do. But. I can't all of the time
It's random.
Sometime's selective
Sometime's impossible
It's hard
I'm proud that I've done what I've done
You can help me breathe, relax a bit
focus, for sure
but it will never help
ALL of the time
what YOU get, but most importantly
what I GET is a variance of
1 to 53%
anything above 53%
is a Godsend
and an amalgam of
your beautiful positivity
and my unfathomable love
help me to produce more on paper
on The internet
plant seeds in your mind(s)
to make you smile
to make you read
and
to make you think
to make you happy
to make ME happy
ALWAYS
i know that you wish
and want more of me
and, please
with the support and
the gentle proddings
and the love
I LOVE IT
inhale it
i ingest it
and take it
hoarding the encouragement
But, remember...
I GET BETTER
thinking
progressing
regressing
real-life meets
creative and spiritual life
but?
I have written more things down on paper and on The Internets
and on The Websites
blahblahblah
than you ever have
and than you ever will in your lifetime
I'm not judging you
everybody's different
THERE ARE BROWN SNOWFLAKES
just.kind.of.relax, okay?
encouragement is awesome
GIVE IT
I'll take it
I mean it
just
relax
I get better every day
and with your help
I do
I write things sometimes
and...it's cool
so
like my writing
and
like my life
if I can
put a portion of that down
if I can
put a portion of that down
and convert it into portions that
can drown the portent that I see
friends
lovers
firsts
seconds
then all win
this is all normal
relax
HEY
RELAX
dontlistentothem
dontlistentoyourself
relax
relax
RELAXXXXXXXXXXXXX
there are so many things to get to
towards
backwards
forwards
your mind
popcorn synapses
you will never be able to put everything down
impossible
this is normal
relax
So many things that I want to put down
Mass-Invite for Enders Game
more movies and books
to check out
based on
conversations
need to do the fund-raiser
how is Mark?
ebay sales
more stuff to sell now
my little sister
how is my Dad?
my Mother
doesn't have my number
need to reconnect with
old people from theold companies for
full-time writing gigs
this means travel
or relocating, maybe
finish reading
Area 51
Under The Dome
The Giver
thebookthatSTEVEgave me
The Tender Bar
I846
Doctor Sleep
Night
and more...
Comic Books from the library
BLACK from CNN
research my inevitable Fukishima death
and need to work on my winter garden
eat more vegetarian
Kirkus Review gig
I have notes taped in my kitchen re:social engagements
I need to get more sleep
I want to figure out how to put my "Bartending/Romance" script/mess in my local theater
Now, "Wade" want's me to submit material for a theater XMAS show
"Andy" never got back to me about his lyric rewrites that he wants me to help him with
I need to work on my Fat Free Milk book
Need to remember to go to "Kelly's" art show
"Luis" and I are supposed to play drums and electric bass like we used to
"Tony" wants to do more hip-hop songs
My cartoon script needs a home
I want to build a green house for you/me/us
Visit ALL of my nephews
Ann is dying
My Dad is dying
There is a black cat
in the middle of
the street right now
I need to pound out that dent in my car
I need to fix these XMAS lights
I need to save money for Hawaii,
the IRS
CAR and more...
more dentist work
more Muay Thai again
and finally some Krav Maga
save money for the expensive shoes that I like
sell everything
I need more contact lenses
I need to sell all of my DVD's
Set a date for my next Sci-Fi Club
Have a party
Go to Brooklyn
Joshua Tree like i used to
Buy "Black-Out Curtains"
Spend more time with
April and Jamal
and Chris and Tony
and Joe
and continue to make mew friends
to buy a fire-pit because everybody loves fire
to work harder
to work LESS
to be THE same
but be DIFFERENT
to love MORE
and to HATE less
to look UP more
and to not be so DOWN
I'm giving so much
and giving so many things away
always learning
always yearning
playmorechess
buyabaseballglove
tobuymorearrows
andabetterbow
tobuyagun
and
to m e d i t a t e MORE
and to stretch moooooorrrreeeee
to relearn how to write
to take more trips by myself again
to learn how to install dimmers for my lighting fixtures
to learn what cloud formations mean
coding
programming
to make money off of my dumb websites
to woodwork
to buy the tools to build things
to build my own motorcycle
to go away at least for one week
and to not tell you where I am/have been
to buy fishing equipment
to rotate/restock the emergency supplies in my car
to give creative writing courses
to read The Tarot
to relearn my World Map
to know Astronomy
and to contribute as a business owner to my local economy
to reread my college philosophy books
to write
Gun Arm
PAYNE
Hydromania, Prozac and The Apology
and
to write words for Mike Magowski
and
to write words for Mandie Bee's photos
Funny thing...the other weekend?
He didn't mean any ill-will
but Nick asked me innocently
if I had I hard time concentrating?
I was, like...Duh?
and he said that he and Terry that
that me
especially @home
that I did
I said, like - DUH?
and muttered something about ADHD
I told him about how I cant keep still
how it's hard for me to concentrate
I can. I do. But. I can't all of the time
It's random.
Sometime's selective
Sometime's impossible
It's hard
I'm proud that I've done what I've done
You can help me breathe, relax a bit
focus, for sure
but it will never help
ALL of the time
what YOU get, but most importantly
what I GET is a variance of
1 to 53%
anything above 53%
is a Godsend
and an amalgam of
your beautiful positivity
and my unfathomable love
help me to produce more on paper
on The internet
plant seeds in your mind(s)
to make you smile
to make you read
and
to make you think
to make you happy
to make ME happy
ALWAYS
i know that you wish
and want more of me
and, please
with the support and
the gentle proddings
and the love
I LOVE IT
inhale it
i ingest it
and take it
hoarding the encouragement
But, remember...
I GET BETTER
thinking
progressing
regressing
real-life meets
creative and spiritual life
but?
I have written more things down on paper and on The Internets
and on The Websites
blahblahblah
than you ever have
and than you ever will in your lifetime
I'm not judging you
everybody's different
THERE ARE BROWN SNOWFLAKES
just.kind.of.relax, okay?
encouragement is awesome
GIVE IT
I'll take it
I mean it
just
relax
I get better every day
and with your help
I do
I write things sometimes
and...it's cool
so
like my writing
and
like my life
if I can
put a portion of that down
if I can
put a portion of that down
and convert it into portions that
can drown the portent that I see
friends
lovers
firsts
seconds
then all win
this is all normal
relax
HEY
RELAX
dontlistentothem
dontlistentoyourself
relax
relax
RELAXXXXXXXXXXXXX
there are so many things to get to
towards
backwards
forwards
your mind
popcorn synapses
you will never be able to put everything down
impossible
this is normal
relax
Friday, October 18, 2013
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Oh, SELF. Oh, Fat Free Milk...
I wrote on paper tonight.
Isn't that enough?
Leave me alone, asshole.
Jesus.
Isn't that enough?
Leave me alone, asshole.
Jesus.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Thursday, October 03, 2013
Wednesday, October 02, 2013
Tuesday, October 01, 2013
10
01001001 00000000 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01101000 01100001 01100100 00100000 01100001 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110010 01100100 00100000 01101100 01101001 01100110 01100101 00001010 01001001 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01101000 01100001 01100100 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100010 01100101 01100001 01110101 01110100 01101001 01100110 01110101 01101100 00100000 01101100 01101001 01100110 01100101 00001010 01000110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01101101 01100101 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100010 01110101 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100101 01111000 01101001 01110011 01110100 01100101 01101110 01100011 01100101 00100000 01101111 01100110 00001010 01010011 01100101 01100101 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110111 01100001 01111001 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101100 01101111 01101111 01101011 01100101 01100100 00100000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101000 01101001 01101101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101111 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101110 01101001 01100111 01101000 01110100 00001010 01001011 01101001 01101100 01101100 01110011 00100000 01101101 01100101 00001010 01101001 01110100 00100000 01100111 01101001 01110110 01100101 01110011 00100000 01101101 01100101 00100000 01101100 01100101 01110011 01110011 00100000 01100110 01100001 01101001 01110100 01101000 00100000 01110100 01101111 01110111 01100001 01110010 01100100 01110011 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100110 01110101 01110100 01110101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110111 01101001 01110100 01101000 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00001010 01111001 01100101 01110011 00001010 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100101 01111000 01101001 01110011 01110100 01110011 00001010 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01100101 01111000 01101001 01110011 01110100 01100101 01100100 00001010 01100010 01110101 01110100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100101 01111000 01101001 01110011 01110100 00001010 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01101110 01100101 01100101 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 01100100 01100001 01111001 00001010 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01101101 01100101 00100000 01101101 01101111 01110010 01100101 00001010 01110100 01101000 01100001 01101110 00100000 01110011 01101111 01101101 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100111 00001010 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110011 01101111 01101101 01100101 01100010 01101111 01100100 01111001 00001010 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110111 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101110 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100001 01100111 01100001 01101001 01101110 00001010 01001001 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101110 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110100 00001010 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101110 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110100 00001010 01101000 01101111 01110000 01100101 01100110 01110101 01101100 01101100 01111001 00001010 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 00100000 01100100 01101111 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110111 01101001 01110100 01101000 00100000 01101101 01100101 00001010 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01101101 01100101 00001010 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100111 01100101 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01110010 01101111 01110101 01100111 01101000 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110010 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100111 01110011 00001010 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100010 01100101 01100001 01110101 01110100 01101001 01100110 01110101 01101100 00100000 01101100 01101001 01100110 01100101 00001010 01110111 01101001 01110100 01101000 00100000 01101101 01100101 00001010 00001010
Monday, September 30, 2013
9
love of
mine.
benign
nigh
night
asinine
assign
ensign
cosign
Bill Nye
restrain
HouseofAlexanderPayne
feign
find
friends
fiends
love. all
in
time.
love is love
love
9-5?
all of
the
time
mine.
benign
nigh
night
asinine
assign
ensign
cosign
Bill Nye
restrain
HouseofAlexanderPayne
feign
find
friends
fiends
love. all
in
time.
love is love
love
9-5?
all of
the
time
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
8
is a snowman
or a ZERO wearing a tight belt
8
is before the German "Nein" for my American "No"
which may make a 7 a positive before you become internationally negative
8
has nothing to do with appetite
weight ain't nothing but a number
8
is an Infinity Symbol doing a yoga pose OR one standing at attention
888
is a picture taken of three Hungry, Hungry Hippos from a birds-eye POV
8 your brain...made me twice as smart
g is you - shorter and with a beer gut
8 should be a luckier number than 7 because it's just...a little bit more
8 is like...a 10!
on a scale of 1-10
8 divided by two is 4!!!
whatisitgoodfor
8
or a ZERO wearing a tight belt
8
is before the German "Nein" for my American "No"
which may make a 7 a positive before you become internationally negative
8
has nothing to do with appetite
weight ain't nothing but a number
8
is an Infinity Symbol doing a yoga pose OR one standing at attention
888
is a picture taken of three Hungry, Hungry Hippos from a birds-eye POV
8 your brain...made me twice as smart
g is you - shorter and with a beer gut
8 should be a luckier number than 7 because it's just...a little bit more
8 is like...a 10!
on a scale of 1-10
8 divided by two is 4!!!
whatisitgoodfor
8
Saturday, September 07, 2013
Wednesday, September 04, 2013
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Friday, August 30, 2013
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
TWO
Two times. Two times too many you've dangled that carrot in front of my eyes, man. Leading me blindly - speaking to me softly...full of promises and sweet rewards.
As I trod on and on and on...
Signed,
DONKEY
As I trod on and on and on...
Signed,
DONKEY
Thursday, August 15, 2013
ONE
Evening when I was writing after work, something happened. A doppelganger of myself popped up right beside me.
POP!
It actually sounded like that. I jumped/swore/and fell off the couch. He/Me/I/It was wearing the same clothing as I was. I fell on my ass and rubbed my eyes with the heel of my palms.
He/Me/I/It sat there, looking just as shocked as I was.
I and He/Me/I/It both said at the same time, "What the fuck?"
And then we fainted.
That was a long time ago. Now were the best of friends. We're the reason that we don't return your phone calls, why we avoid certain events, why we procrastinate to points of complete, illogical explanation - it's because we're just so fucking cool. We make ourselves laugh, we tell dumb jokes, trade books, comic books, read passages of poetry to each other - we start to write things but usually end up getting distracted and end up doing something else completely different. One night may start with us making Zucchini bread and then an hour later we're acting out scenes from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. Do laundry and end up weeding in the garden. Want to take naps but end up arm-wrestling instead.
We have fun, and lots of it. I don't even know what I would do if I didn't have He/Me/I/It in my life - but there's one thing that we are extremely focused on. One thing that we fear and slightly tremble at the notion of...
We're afraid of the "Un-POP". We've talked about it. We hope to God that it never happens.
That ONE evening, fooling around after work, the doppelganger of ourselves will disappear.
POP!
Just like that. And it'll be done. No more. No Best friend, confidant, go-to-guy. Done, finished, fini.
All alone. Just with ourself.
Just......ONE.
POP!
It actually sounded like that. I jumped/swore/and fell off the couch. He/Me/I/It was wearing the same clothing as I was. I fell on my ass and rubbed my eyes with the heel of my palms.
He/Me/I/It sat there, looking just as shocked as I was.
I and He/Me/I/It both said at the same time, "What the fuck?"
And then we fainted.
That was a long time ago. Now were the best of friends. We're the reason that we don't return your phone calls, why we avoid certain events, why we procrastinate to points of complete, illogical explanation - it's because we're just so fucking cool. We make ourselves laugh, we tell dumb jokes, trade books, comic books, read passages of poetry to each other - we start to write things but usually end up getting distracted and end up doing something else completely different. One night may start with us making Zucchini bread and then an hour later we're acting out scenes from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. Do laundry and end up weeding in the garden. Want to take naps but end up arm-wrestling instead.
We have fun, and lots of it. I don't even know what I would do if I didn't have He/Me/I/It in my life - but there's one thing that we are extremely focused on. One thing that we fear and slightly tremble at the notion of...
We're afraid of the "Un-POP". We've talked about it. We hope to God that it never happens.
That ONE evening, fooling around after work, the doppelganger of ourselves will disappear.
POP!
Just like that. And it'll be done. No more. No Best friend, confidant, go-to-guy. Done, finished, fini.
All alone. Just with ourself.
Just......ONE.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
tonight
a homeless 23 year old after work toothpaste 20 dollars spun drugs atm frustration
I have so much in the back of my car
and i talked to him
before, he called out to me asking me for something and i yelled out to WAIT
i gave him 1/50th of it
prepper shit in my car
it drives me fucking crazy
i have this stuff but
why cant i change his life?
because i cant?
i know his age drug habits where he sleeps now
he didnt need a sleeping bag, clothes
accepted chocolate, food, all of my huge bags of toothpaste and toothbrushes for him and his friends
razors
i gave him, not advice - but a small amount of shit as I gave him 20 bucks
i told him that I wished that he would use it for food and/or comfort - not drugs but I understand that he was nodding his head because he was appreciative and i get it
i asked him if he was using resources that my city has available for the homeless. Food, shelter, etc.
he said 211?
I said no and started to talk about our PD homeless liason that I know but he started talking about some other stuff and...he wasn't into it.
he said that he had pride to a certain extent and didn't like hand outs as much as everybody else.
we talked more.
he talked about his mother in a minute. She sucked.
he lost it after his girlfriend slept with some guy.
i don't even know where im going with this story. It's late now.
i am not drunk.
i can give a fuck about grammar, syntax, punctuation
i worked tonight. first thing that I had to do was to kick out a person
i made people laugh
business was slow
shit got busy
my job sucks ass
and I have the best job in the world
people would kill me for my job
So, here you have little old, fucking me - just depositing money into my local ATM because I need to, because if I don't, then my world will explode and then implode and explode in an even grander and more majestic galactic thing of beautiful destruction.
I want to take you by your fucking ears and help you.
I can do more. That's what sucks. And, please - do this for me. No, seriously. I'm Fucking RETARDED. I don't know how to do shit. I put the IDIOT into the Idiot Savant.
I am still haunted by being homeless when I was 18-19......
SO...
I was 15 seconds away from home and I turned my car around
I wanted to catch him again and give him more stuff
then I turned my car back around to go home
i understand why
but it bugs me
Oh.
Also?
when I told him that i just got off of work and that i was a bartender
he was very surprised
he said that he thought that I was a doctor
A DOCTOR.
Me?
Sunday, August 04, 2013
E.S.P. Telekinesis. Ancient Astronauts. Nutri-Grain. Pregnancy. Bigfoot. Ecto-Cooler. Malcolm McLaren. Cancer. 5D. Mediocre Mario-Kart. Watches. Me. Fencing. God. Gleek. Gloop. Goop!!! The Goon. The Gooch. Kathleen Kennedy. VALIS. Pleats. EG&G. 1957. Che Guevara. Ultron. Colonel Graff. Dan Sweetman. Astral Projection. Stan Getz. Cần Thơ. Fat Free Milk. C3-PO. This End Up^. In Love. Yorick. Harper Lee. The Bleed. Dies The Fire. Aries. ISON Comet. Gretal. I LIKE IKE. Crystal Pepsi. Alfred Pennyworth. dec binary hex 4 = 00100 = 0x04 8 = 01000 = 0x08 15 = 01111 = 0x0F 16 = 10000 = 0x10 23 = 10111 = 0x17 42 = %0101010 = 0x2A 108 = %1101100 = 0x6C 7418880 = %11100010011010000000000 = 0x713400. Alta Loma, California. Howard Stark. Text “TACO” to 91318. Frak. MI6. Crosley. Lovecraft. Selina Kyle Malone. The Thin Red Line. Crystal Skulls. Holocrons. D20. THACO. Liberty Board Shop. George McFly. Cambridge. AaBbc. Better dead than Read! The Hedgehog. Zucchini. Mayans. The Pearl. Not Steinbeck. Vornado. River Pheonix. I want to TEACH children about the joys of the written word, I am my Grandmother’s…ummm- - -uhhhhh, I guess Grandson. I raised myself on her LATIN lessons and her elementary school primers. And maybe with the books –ALL of the wonderous, kind-of crazy/miasmic plethora of fucking weird-ass shit that I had read in book shelves and things that I was told NOT TO TOUCH. I Read them. ALL of them. I READ EVERYTHING. I suck things in my mind. Always, I do it. It causes me pain. JOY. I’m not special – but I am. I have limited memory recall. I regurgitate about 63%, MAYBE in every aspect of my life. I feel guilt about this. I should be smarter. I just can’t remember all of the shit that I read. I don’t tell people that part of the reason that I don’t sleep during the day is that I HAVE TO DRINK LIQUIDS AND HAVE TO READ STUFF. I know that I need to sllep but I get distracted even if I know what I’m watching on the dumb computer is a conduit for knowledge. I am always excited…butbutbut I’m FUCKING RETARDED. I have ADHD. CLINICAL Depression. I am not the kite. I am the heavy string. I am not special. I collect what dust and sediment passes through my ears. It’s all Cilia. It’s all filimental. I think I just made up that word – but it really does make sense of this sensical NON-sense.
AND
I’m
LOVE/a futurist/STRONGER THAN ALL OF YOU/and am learning
SO
I’ll be serious.
Right now.
THESE ARE THINGS THAT I DO WELL:
1.
I can get people excited about books or anything
Nerd-Centric.
2.
I REALLY AM A GOOD BARTENDER.
3.
I REALLY AM A GOOD……writer.
4.
I make you laugh.
5.
My insides are good. Perfect health. Drink less.
6.
ADHD, CLINICAL DEPRESSION, and just being
Benjamin Button.
7.
I would fight to the death for you.
8.
My love for my little sister.
9.
My love for SCIENCE.
10. My verbosity.
11. My HEART.
12. My tenacity
13. My friendship.
14. MY LOVE FOR YOU ALL.
Saturday, August 03, 2013
Just keep swimming...
if this ship was sinking
i would make sure to throw you overboard
because you're a life-preserver
i would make sure to throw you overboard
because you're a life-preserver
pituarary tracts
its not the meaning of the words
no
they don't get harder to discern
it's the will and the lack of urgency
to put them down that burns
( I don't remember writing this.)
no
they don't get harder to discern
it's the will and the lack of urgency
to put them down that burns
( I don't remember writing this.)
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Independence Hall...
Where were you today
We missed you
Were you stuck in the mud
Were you rearranging The Stars
It's sometimes hard to find you
and keep hold of your hand
while you're wandering, marveling and wondering
We wondered too
Were you with your cats
In your garden
In study
Contemplation
Sad and pondering
We think that you were
where you wanted to be
We missed you
We really did
And it's great
It's awesome
We love it
Just remember
If nothing else
That WE are arranging The Stars too
----------------------------------------------------
This time in between the day and the night
The light kills my sense of life
So scared, turn it off, turn it off
It's dull, this dusk, this desk, this dust
My eyes adjust
I'll blow out the flame
Can you and me remain?
Changes, never been good with change
I hate it when it all stays the same
Caught between the gold and the game
Changes, never been good with change
I hate it when it all stays the same
Caught between the cold and the waves
My heart beats up, again
Once said, words make a world of their own
I misread
I can't get you back on the phone
I'm so tired, so turn it off, turn it off
How's that, last week we were home
You're far away
And I hardly know
Can you and me delay?
Changes, never been good with change
I hate it when it all stays the same
Caught between the gold and the game
Changes, never been good with change
Troubled when it all stays the same
Caught between this cold and the waves
My heart beats up, again
Are you my trouble
Are you my trouble
Monday, July 15, 2013
Reverse Roar.
I'm going to not write like I have been writing lately. I do it because it's easy. I'm not lazy. I just have way too much shit that I want to put down. Sometimes I have time to write but ajkhkjdhshjddaj - I get distracted. Sometimes I get lazy. Sometimes I don't care. Sometimes I care too much and that's why I don't write.
I am in shorts and sitting in my backyard. Right by the garden. I'm proud of it. I can write more about how important it is to me. I wont. Boring. Garden writing. Really. Not like what I just wrote is any better. I am making fun of myself and writing the exact type of thing that I am making fun of.
I need to stop making fun of myself. I need
to not write
like this
anymore
Reversing dumb writing
Writing dumb verses
I did that on purpose.
Saturday, July 06, 2013
Friday, July 05, 2013
The Motorhomes - Psalm
I danced all winter so summer came as a surprise
Terrible thing that I've done tracing your steps too long
I laughed all summer I laughed until I dropped my guard
Terrible things that I've said hating you all too much
loving you all to much
Oh I wish I could be like you, so I asked you how and then you said no
no you don’t want to be like me, so don’t try to be, I hope you won't turn in to me
It took October I think it took November too
Then all it took was a push and I turned into you
Oh no, I turned into you.
Terrible thing that I've done tracing your steps too long
I laughed all summer I laughed until I dropped my guard
Terrible things that I've said hating you all too much
loving you all to much
Oh I wish I could be like you, so I asked you how and then you said no
no you don’t want to be like me, so don’t try to be, I hope you won't turn in to me
It took October I think it took November too
Then all it took was a push and I turned into you
Oh no, I turned into you.
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