I am Jane Goodall's Tanzanian monkeys typing about bananas. My fingers are Santa's little helpers. My hope is a sporadic rainfall - yet a torrential downpour in all creative environments. I am Theseus, unspooling golden yarn. Sisyphus, sweating uphill. Bukowski, scribbling away in rooming houses. A river always flowing. I am the nightmare of stagnancy and a God of Imagination.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Thursday, October 03, 2013
Wednesday, October 02, 2013
Tuesday, October 01, 2013
10
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Monday, September 30, 2013
9
love of
mine.
benign
nigh
night
asinine
assign
ensign
cosign
Bill Nye
restrain
HouseofAlexanderPayne
feign
find
friends
fiends
love. all
in
time.
love is love
love
9-5?
all of
the
time
mine.
benign
nigh
night
asinine
assign
ensign
cosign
Bill Nye
restrain
HouseofAlexanderPayne
feign
find
friends
fiends
love. all
in
time.
love is love
love
9-5?
all of
the
time
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
8
is a snowman
or a ZERO wearing a tight belt
8
is before the German "Nein" for my American "No"
which may make a 7 a positive before you become internationally negative
8
has nothing to do with appetite
weight ain't nothing but a number
8
is an Infinity Symbol doing a yoga pose OR one standing at attention
888
is a picture taken of three Hungry, Hungry Hippos from a birds-eye POV
8 your brain...made me twice as smart
g is you - shorter and with a beer gut
8 should be a luckier number than 7 because it's just...a little bit more
8 is like...a 10!
on a scale of 1-10
8 divided by two is 4!!!
whatisitgoodfor
8
or a ZERO wearing a tight belt
8
is before the German "Nein" for my American "No"
which may make a 7 a positive before you become internationally negative
8
has nothing to do with appetite
weight ain't nothing but a number
8
is an Infinity Symbol doing a yoga pose OR one standing at attention
888
is a picture taken of three Hungry, Hungry Hippos from a birds-eye POV
8 your brain...made me twice as smart
g is you - shorter and with a beer gut
8 should be a luckier number than 7 because it's just...a little bit more
8 is like...a 10!
on a scale of 1-10
8 divided by two is 4!!!
whatisitgoodfor
8
Saturday, September 07, 2013
Wednesday, September 04, 2013
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Friday, August 30, 2013
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
TWO
Two times. Two times too many you've dangled that carrot in front of my eyes, man. Leading me blindly - speaking to me softly...full of promises and sweet rewards.
As I trod on and on and on...
Signed,
DONKEY
As I trod on and on and on...
Signed,
DONKEY
Thursday, August 15, 2013
ONE
Evening when I was writing after work, something happened. A doppelganger of myself popped up right beside me.
POP!
It actually sounded like that. I jumped/swore/and fell off the couch. He/Me/I/It was wearing the same clothing as I was. I fell on my ass and rubbed my eyes with the heel of my palms.
He/Me/I/It sat there, looking just as shocked as I was.
I and He/Me/I/It both said at the same time, "What the fuck?"
And then we fainted.
That was a long time ago. Now were the best of friends. We're the reason that we don't return your phone calls, why we avoid certain events, why we procrastinate to points of complete, illogical explanation - it's because we're just so fucking cool. We make ourselves laugh, we tell dumb jokes, trade books, comic books, read passages of poetry to each other - we start to write things but usually end up getting distracted and end up doing something else completely different. One night may start with us making Zucchini bread and then an hour later we're acting out scenes from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. Do laundry and end up weeding in the garden. Want to take naps but end up arm-wrestling instead.
We have fun, and lots of it. I don't even know what I would do if I didn't have He/Me/I/It in my life - but there's one thing that we are extremely focused on. One thing that we fear and slightly tremble at the notion of...
We're afraid of the "Un-POP". We've talked about it. We hope to God that it never happens.
That ONE evening, fooling around after work, the doppelganger of ourselves will disappear.
POP!
Just like that. And it'll be done. No more. No Best friend, confidant, go-to-guy. Done, finished, fini.
All alone. Just with ourself.
Just......ONE.
POP!
It actually sounded like that. I jumped/swore/and fell off the couch. He/Me/I/It was wearing the same clothing as I was. I fell on my ass and rubbed my eyes with the heel of my palms.
He/Me/I/It sat there, looking just as shocked as I was.
I and He/Me/I/It both said at the same time, "What the fuck?"
And then we fainted.
That was a long time ago. Now were the best of friends. We're the reason that we don't return your phone calls, why we avoid certain events, why we procrastinate to points of complete, illogical explanation - it's because we're just so fucking cool. We make ourselves laugh, we tell dumb jokes, trade books, comic books, read passages of poetry to each other - we start to write things but usually end up getting distracted and end up doing something else completely different. One night may start with us making Zucchini bread and then an hour later we're acting out scenes from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. Do laundry and end up weeding in the garden. Want to take naps but end up arm-wrestling instead.
We have fun, and lots of it. I don't even know what I would do if I didn't have He/Me/I/It in my life - but there's one thing that we are extremely focused on. One thing that we fear and slightly tremble at the notion of...
We're afraid of the "Un-POP". We've talked about it. We hope to God that it never happens.
That ONE evening, fooling around after work, the doppelganger of ourselves will disappear.
POP!
Just like that. And it'll be done. No more. No Best friend, confidant, go-to-guy. Done, finished, fini.
All alone. Just with ourself.
Just......ONE.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
tonight
a homeless 23 year old after work toothpaste 20 dollars spun drugs atm frustration
I have so much in the back of my car
and i talked to him
before, he called out to me asking me for something and i yelled out to WAIT
i gave him 1/50th of it
prepper shit in my car
it drives me fucking crazy
i have this stuff but
why cant i change his life?
because i cant?
i know his age drug habits where he sleeps now
he didnt need a sleeping bag, clothes
accepted chocolate, food, all of my huge bags of toothpaste and toothbrushes for him and his friends
razors
i gave him, not advice - but a small amount of shit as I gave him 20 bucks
i told him that I wished that he would use it for food and/or comfort - not drugs but I understand that he was nodding his head because he was appreciative and i get it
i asked him if he was using resources that my city has available for the homeless. Food, shelter, etc.
he said 211?
I said no and started to talk about our PD homeless liason that I know but he started talking about some other stuff and...he wasn't into it.
he said that he had pride to a certain extent and didn't like hand outs as much as everybody else.
we talked more.
he talked about his mother in a minute. She sucked.
he lost it after his girlfriend slept with some guy.
i don't even know where im going with this story. It's late now.
i am not drunk.
i can give a fuck about grammar, syntax, punctuation
i worked tonight. first thing that I had to do was to kick out a person
i made people laugh
business was slow
shit got busy
my job sucks ass
and I have the best job in the world
people would kill me for my job
So, here you have little old, fucking me - just depositing money into my local ATM because I need to, because if I don't, then my world will explode and then implode and explode in an even grander and more majestic galactic thing of beautiful destruction.
I want to take you by your fucking ears and help you.
I can do more. That's what sucks. And, please - do this for me. No, seriously. I'm Fucking RETARDED. I don't know how to do shit. I put the IDIOT into the Idiot Savant.
I am still haunted by being homeless when I was 18-19......
SO...
I was 15 seconds away from home and I turned my car around
I wanted to catch him again and give him more stuff
then I turned my car back around to go home
i understand why
but it bugs me
Oh.
Also?
when I told him that i just got off of work and that i was a bartender
he was very surprised
he said that he thought that I was a doctor
A DOCTOR.
Me?
Sunday, August 04, 2013
E.S.P. Telekinesis. Ancient Astronauts. Nutri-Grain. Pregnancy. Bigfoot. Ecto-Cooler. Malcolm McLaren. Cancer. 5D. Mediocre Mario-Kart. Watches. Me. Fencing. God. Gleek. Gloop. Goop!!! The Goon. The Gooch. Kathleen Kennedy. VALIS. Pleats. EG&G. 1957. Che Guevara. Ultron. Colonel Graff. Dan Sweetman. Astral Projection. Stan Getz. Cần ThÆ¡. Fat Free Milk. C3-PO. This End Up^. In Love. Yorick. Harper Lee. The Bleed. Dies The Fire. Aries. ISON Comet. Gretal. I LIKE IKE. Crystal Pepsi. Alfred Pennyworth. dec binary hex 4 = 00100 = 0x04 8 = 01000 = 0x08 15 = 01111 = 0x0F 16 = 10000 = 0x10 23 = 10111 = 0x17 42 = %0101010 = 0x2A 108 = %1101100 = 0x6C 7418880 = %11100010011010000000000 = 0x713400. Alta Loma, California. Howard Stark. Text “TACO” to 91318. Frak. MI6. Crosley. Lovecraft. Selina Kyle Malone. The Thin Red Line. Crystal Skulls. Holocrons. D20. THACO. Liberty Board Shop. George McFly. Cambridge. AaBbc. Better dead than Read! The Hedgehog. Zucchini. Mayans. The Pearl. Not Steinbeck. Vornado. River Pheonix. I want to TEACH children about the joys of the written word, I am my Grandmother’s…ummm- - -uhhhhh, I guess Grandson. I raised myself on her LATIN lessons and her elementary school primers. And maybe with the books –ALL of the wonderous, kind-of crazy/miasmic plethora of fucking weird-ass shit that I had read in book shelves and things that I was told NOT TO TOUCH. I Read them. ALL of them. I READ EVERYTHING. I suck things in my mind. Always, I do it. It causes me pain. JOY. I’m not special – but I am. I have limited memory recall. I regurgitate about 63%, MAYBE in every aspect of my life. I feel guilt about this. I should be smarter. I just can’t remember all of the shit that I read. I don’t tell people that part of the reason that I don’t sleep during the day is that I HAVE TO DRINK LIQUIDS AND HAVE TO READ STUFF. I know that I need to sllep but I get distracted even if I know what I’m watching on the dumb computer is a conduit for knowledge. I am always excited…butbutbut I’m FUCKING RETARDED. I have ADHD. CLINICAL Depression. I am not the kite. I am the heavy string. I am not special. I collect what dust and sediment passes through my ears. It’s all Cilia. It’s all filimental. I think I just made up that word – but it really does make sense of this sensical NON-sense.
AND
I’m
LOVE/a futurist/STRONGER THAN ALL OF YOU/and am learning
SO
I’ll be serious.
Right now.
THESE ARE THINGS THAT I DO WELL:
1.
I can get people excited about books or anything
Nerd-Centric.
2.
I REALLY AM A GOOD BARTENDER.
3.
I REALLY AM A GOOD……writer.
4.
I make you laugh.
5.
My insides are good. Perfect health. Drink less.
6.
ADHD, CLINICAL DEPRESSION, and just being
Benjamin Button.
7.
I would fight to the death for you.
8.
My love for my little sister.
9.
My love for SCIENCE.
10. My verbosity.
11. My HEART.
12. My tenacity
13. My friendship.
14. MY LOVE FOR YOU ALL.
Saturday, August 03, 2013
Just keep swimming...
if this ship was sinking
i would make sure to throw you overboard
because you're a life-preserver
i would make sure to throw you overboard
because you're a life-preserver
pituarary tracts
its not the meaning of the words
no
they don't get harder to discern
it's the will and the lack of urgency
to put them down that burns
( I don't remember writing this.)
no
they don't get harder to discern
it's the will and the lack of urgency
to put them down that burns
( I don't remember writing this.)
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Independence Hall...
Where were you today
We missed you
Were you stuck in the mud
Were you rearranging The Stars
It's sometimes hard to find you
and keep hold of your hand
while you're wandering, marveling and wondering
We wondered too
Were you with your cats
In your garden
In study
Contemplation
Sad and pondering
We think that you were
where you wanted to be
We missed you
We really did
And it's great
It's awesome
We love it
Just remember
If nothing else
That WE are arranging The Stars too
----------------------------------------------------
This time in between the day and the night
The light kills my sense of life
So scared, turn it off, turn it off
It's dull, this dusk, this desk, this dust
My eyes adjust
I'll blow out the flame
Can you and me remain?
Changes, never been good with change
I hate it when it all stays the same
Caught between the gold and the game
Changes, never been good with change
I hate it when it all stays the same
Caught between the cold and the waves
My heart beats up, again
Once said, words make a world of their own
I misread
I can't get you back on the phone
I'm so tired, so turn it off, turn it off
How's that, last week we were home
You're far away
And I hardly know
Can you and me delay?
Changes, never been good with change
I hate it when it all stays the same
Caught between the gold and the game
Changes, never been good with change
Troubled when it all stays the same
Caught between this cold and the waves
My heart beats up, again
Are you my trouble
Are you my trouble
Monday, July 15, 2013
Reverse Roar.
I'm going to not write like I have been writing lately. I do it because it's easy. I'm not lazy. I just have way too much shit that I want to put down. Sometimes I have time to write but ajkhkjdhshjddaj - I get distracted. Sometimes I get lazy. Sometimes I don't care. Sometimes I care too much and that's why I don't write.
I am in shorts and sitting in my backyard. Right by the garden. I'm proud of it. I can write more about how important it is to me. I wont. Boring. Garden writing. Really. Not like what I just wrote is any better. I am making fun of myself and writing the exact type of thing that I am making fun of.
I need to stop making fun of myself. I need
to not write
like this
anymore
Reversing dumb writing
Writing dumb verses
I did that on purpose.
Saturday, July 06, 2013
Friday, July 05, 2013
The Motorhomes - Psalm
I danced all winter so summer came as a surprise
Terrible thing that I've done tracing your steps too long
I laughed all summer I laughed until I dropped my guard
Terrible things that I've said hating you all too much
loving you all to much
Oh I wish I could be like you, so I asked you how and then you said no
no you don’t want to be like me, so don’t try to be, I hope you won't turn in to me
It took October I think it took November too
Then all it took was a push and I turned into you
Oh no, I turned into you.
Terrible thing that I've done tracing your steps too long
I laughed all summer I laughed until I dropped my guard
Terrible things that I've said hating you all too much
loving you all to much
Oh I wish I could be like you, so I asked you how and then you said no
no you don’t want to be like me, so don’t try to be, I hope you won't turn in to me
It took October I think it took November too
Then all it took was a push and I turned into you
Oh no, I turned into you.
Tuesday, July 02, 2013
I Ching, I Choose, I Change...
“Just because I liked something at one point in time doesn’t mean I’ll always like it, or that I have to go on liking it at all points in time as an unthinking act of loyalty to who I am as a person, based solely on who I was as a person. To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think. The only thing I am for sure is unsure, and this means I’m growing, and not stagnant or shrinking.”
― Jarod Kintz.
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