3/31/21

HOW TO MEDITATE by JK

— lights out —

fall, hands a-clasped, into instantaneous
ecstasy like a shot of heroin or morphine,
the gland inside of my brain discharging
the good glad fluid (Holy Fluid) as
I hap-down and hold all my body parts
down to a deadstop trance — Healing
all my sicknesses — erasing all — not
even the shred of a “I-hope-you” or a
Loony Balloon left in it, but the mind
blank, serene, thoughtless. When a thought
comes a-springing from afar with its held-
forth figure of image, you spoof it out,
you spuff it out, you fake it, and
it fades, and thought never comes — and
with joy you realize for the first time
“Thinking’s just like not thinking —
So I don’t have to think
any
more”

3/22/21

IH

In an alternate reality, Alternate Me woke up at a respectable seven a.m. on a Tuesday morning. Alternate Me yawned, dismissed the alarm on his iPhiloticiAnsibleiPhone, shuffled to the bathroom and after Alternate Me was finished, Alternate Me washed his hands and smiled at himself in the mirror.

Alternate Me said to his own reflection, "Trying Are World The In People Smartest The."

3/18/21

Finding Söze.

I'm 45 now and have been bartending for 20 years. I limp like Keyser Söze but I smell nice like Jesus. Also, I just thought that I was on Tinder right now but I'm clearly on ebay so maybe my mental faculties have atrophied  more than I'll admit. I'm like if Dory from Finding Nemo was a bartender. Hi! What did you want again? My name is Kevin...right? Yay!!! I'm 45 now and have been bartending for 20 years. I limp like Keyser Söze but I smell nice like Jesus. Also, I just thought that I was on Tinder right now but I'm clearly on ebay so maybe my mental faculties have atrophied  more than I'll admit. I'm like if Dory from Finding Nemo was a bartender. Hi! What did you want again? My name is Kevin...right? Yay!!! I'm 45 now and have been bartending for 20 years. I limp like Keyser Söze but I smell nice like Jesus. Also, I just thought that I was on Tinder right now but I'm clearly on ebay so maybe my mental faculties have atrophied  more than I'll admit. I'm like if Dory from Finding Nemo was a bartender. Hi! What did you want again? My name is Kevin...right? Yay!!! I'm 45 now and have been bartending for 20 years. I limp like Keyser Söze but I smell nice like Jesus. Also, I just thought that I was on Tinder right now but I'm clearly on ebay so maybe my mental faculties have atrophied  more than I'll admit. I'm like if Dory from Finding Nemo was a bartender. Hi! What did you want again? My name is Kevin...right? Yay!!!

3/11/21

NO.

I just typed that I'm the luckiest GUT in the universe. #thanks

3/01/21

NOT PENNY'S BOAT

Oh, Lost...how I miss watching you. God, it's been 10 years? I remember vividly my finale experience and skipping out on a "Lost finale party" and running home to watch it by myself. Now I'm getting super emo. Hi.

2/27/21

My like is pickle-flavored. That sounded weird.


Doritos should truly be like, not a one night stand but kinda like a friends with benefits thing because DORITOS AND I SHOULD NOT BE DATING. AT ALL. #anyflavor

2/25/21

Oh No.

I just burped so loudly that it scared me. I'm trembling slightly and need to sit down. No, I'll be fine...yes, a glass of water sounds great...would you mind terribly walking me to my room? You're a dear. That's very kind of you - your Mother would be very proud of you. God rest her soul.

2/24/21

Morris Was Right.

Meow, meow, meow, meow, mrowww, mroww, mreeewww, meow, mrow, mowoooowoho, MEEYRRRERAWARRWOEWWW!!!!!

2/20/21

VALIS MALONE

https://issuu.com/philipk.dickinorangecounty/docs/pkd_in_oc_zine_layout?ff