I Am The Lonely Creature In The Dagobah Swamp...

The clock ticks by slowly at work. Five pm seems very far away. You think of all of the cool things that you could be doing right now even if you don't actually do any of them when you get home. The grass is always more exciting on the other side of the fence. I have friends who will smoke your lawn. I need to close the door. Somebody turned on the air conditioning. Time to smoke. When I do that - my phone will ring. I bet you. Watch......

If You...

Had a boring time at a strip club tonight,

would you chalk it up as a mistake -

or still as a success?

Don't Make Me Turn This Car Around...



Okay. That's it.

I think I'm ready to go now.

To your town, country, island, whatever.

I'm ready to leave. Just let me pack some booze and arrange storage rental for my comic books, toys and girlfriend. Not necessarily in that order of preference.

If you want to sell me on why I should move to a place that you know of...

Please - let me know.

Hurry.

Thanks.

I Am...

Not the security guard singing Al Green to himself at 3 am as I was leaving work.

Weird sentence, I know.

Weird, lonely job? Yes.

Worse than bartending? Yes.

Impossible? Apparently not.

Peter Porker - Spider Ham...

If somebody sends you an invite to a BBQ in Santa Monica this Saturday and you don't have any idea as to whom it's from? Then you must go. You'll have more fun, or at least there will be a hint of surprise as you're driving there. Who am I kidding? I don't drive far. I think I'll have to ask around - but I get the feeling that I just don't remember the person telling me in person because I was drunk at the time. Big surprise.

Fig Newton And The Nature Of Garvity...

I'm getting to be a big bore.

I think that I may have to get so drunk tonight - that I poo my pants.

That should liven things up a bit.

Roaches Have No Karmic Value...

I killed two spiders the other day. One, I felt guilty about and the other - I didn't.

The first fought valiantly. I needed to shower, though. I, at first ran water from the spigot, but the big fucker clung on to the sloped sides with dear life...

fuck - I'm being interrupted...

girlfriend and birthdays parties....

bite me.

You Ruined My Night, Jen - I'm Going Home...

This is what i just heard. Now Im listening to fat Free Radio. Chris Rock is bagging on The Trenchcoat Mafia. I just got kicked out of the bathroom at Jen's house. All of the girls are naked and talking about what they think is wrong with their bodies. They actually kicked me out. This is wrong. Everybody I have known - male or female has seen every part of my body. My mother hasn't even seen me naked as much as my gal friends. So...I'm offended. Like I haven't seen anything of theirs. I streaked in front of two of them last weekend. Nakednakednaked. One small hand covering one small package. I must stop, because this is not my computer - and feels weird.

Jason Todd...

If the stupid cat never would've run out in the first place - he never would've gotten his ass kicked. Now he has three functioning legs. This is either sad for the cat, or tempting to a hungry Vietnamese. Or both.

Poppies...

I am in limbo, am at my new second job, behind a desk, trying to be productive. Trying not to twiddle my thumbs. The boss is on vacation and I'm here all alone. This is very strange.