After...

Before...

Flair And Trying To Fall Down The Stairs...

Whatever you do...if you aren't already mired in it...

Don't you ever.

EVER.

Work in a restaurant.

There are only two emotional options that working in this industry allow:

killing others
or
killing yourself

That's it.

Flo from Alice and Shirl from What's Happening don't really exist.

Bartenders and waiters are hummans on The Planet Of The Apes.

I'm done.

Thank you and enjoy your meal.

mememe...

So, out of all of the things that I wanted to write today - and after all of the hours that've passed - out of all of the things that I've been doing and not doing - out of having one great conversation while I was bartending last night with that one dude that pops up once every six months and looks sad and tired...

I forget it all.

Well, I actually started remembering things now that I started to write this - but I can save the good stuff and just leave the dregs here. Dregs are parts of uneaten eggs, I think. And if they aren't I think they should be called that - and I will start calling them that from now on. I can make these things happen just by saying it. That is how powerful I've become.

I write like Yoda. This is how lazy I am, yes?

I will not spellcheck because time is precious. Because idle time on the computer leads to hours of pointless perusals on Ebay. It leads to email checks that lead to sex sites. Leads to the anti-Oz.

I tried to wake up early today. I woke up earlier than usual. That's better than nothing. I remember waking up at four and eating pizza, chips, candy and drinking a coke. Yes. I did. Watched something that I forgot, but I think that it was good. I went back to sleep when the sun started pekking out through the recently ever-present rain clouds. Couldn't go to breakfast with my girl because I was gorging while she was dreaming. Sucks, huh? I sound like a closet bulimic.

What the hell did I do today? Was on the computer sporadically through the day - accomplishing nothing. I read way too much useless crap. Watched some Star Wars nerdy stuff with Tom. Went to Target and bought a bunch of crud for the house. Looked at pictures from New Years - remembered taking about half of them.

Cleaned a bit. Did odd jobs around the house. That sounded weird. Sounds like I get paid for doing chores. I don't. Maybe that's why I don't do much around the house usually. Called my father because it was his 70th birthday. He said that he didn't feel old until today. I told him that I felt old. He told me that I wasn't. I told him that I was. Sort of.

I listened to new cds. I am bored of them already. I watched all of the extras from the Garden State dvd and I think that I ruined my potential home-viewing of it because now I remember everything about the movie that I saw when it was in the theatres.

I think I will post a picture now. Tell mom not to worry. Don't forget to write. Be good. KIT. TLA. BFF. MLF. Signing out. Vote Kerry.

Thank You, Chris...



I didn't want to go to a strip club tonight.

Thank you for paying for the cover charge.

Thank you for the money for the lap dances.

Me and my girlfriend thank you.

Really.

She was hot.

Thank you.

No. Really.

Thank you.

Govinda...

Internet. Waste of time. Sometimes I don't like you. You look good, smell good, give to charity - but you're a filthy whore. Selfish. Loafing. Lazy good-for-nothing. Sucking up time and laughing at me. Distract me. Waste my life just like everybody else when I should really be visitng my friends Blue Pen and Notebook. I've dome nothing useful on you, you bitch - except for this thing. And it only seems like a semi-accomplishment because of it's enormity. Kind of like how a pile of trash isn't impressive - but a landfill is.

Leave me alone, Internet.

Go back to Al Gore.

Reason Why I'm A Bad Boyfriend No. 4764343...

Girlfriend was feeling depressed because of her period, tsunami coverage on TV, a special on The Holocaust and a program about mutant children growing up around Cherynobyl.

So I took the remote and started channel surfing, trying to find something better for her to watch. I eventually settled on a National Geographic program about Crocodiles. Good stuff.

Just in time to watch a baby bird fall in the water, try vainly to swim to shore, only to be eaten by a Crocodile.

I will now throw things at her head to improve her demeanor.

My Best Christmas Ever...



Might of written about this before. I know that I have, but I think that it was in one of my notebooks. Maybe I wrote about it in a magazine or school paper. Somewhere.

Back in the day. When I was young. When the top of my head probably came to my fathers hip - my father and I went down the street to the Xmas tree lot. This was a REAL lot. One of the ones where you actually picked a tree and a bundled up gnarly neanderthalic man sawed it off for you and lugged it to your car. Not one of the drugstore parking lot lots. Something that you didn't do in combination with grocery shopping.

It was cold. But Southern California cold. So that means, like...60 degrees. My father and I had trudged deeper and deeper into this mini-forest looking for a nice, full tree to take home. I don't know where my older brother was. Probably playing Atari or watching football. Definitely not dating girls. My brother was a very late bloomer.

We found one. Not a girl or a late bloomer, but a great-looking tree off in the distance. Looked huge to me. Gigantic. As we approached it, I realized that my father wasn't around anymore. He was behind me, crouched down on one knee and had his hand placed on something by the ground. I crunched back to where my father was and heard him speaking in a strange voice. A tiny, soft voice. My father's eyes were misty. He had stepped on a baby rabbit. It was probably no bigger than my hand and was jerking spasmodiacally on a blanket of pine needles. My father was softly saying that he was sorry. I'm so sorry, so, so sorry...

I kept on looking back from the dying baby rabbit and to my father's now alien face. I couldn't figure out what was more of a shock to me - the little thing dying before me or the glimpse of actual emotion on my father's face.

My father eventually barked an order at me to KEEP ON GOING. I did, because he was my father. My father told me to not stop looking back. I did, because he was my father. I didn't ask any questions. I did, because he was my father.

We got our tree.

Do I remember how it looked that year in the livingroom?

No.

Do I still remember that tiny, twitching rabbit?

Yes. Perfectly.

Best Christmas ever?

Yes.

Why?

Because I'll remember that one for the rest of my life.

I Was Excited...

When I heard that a show called ANIMAL COPS was going to be on Animal Planet. But...alas, the show didn't feature Bears or Kangaroos arresting other animals - it was about humans arresting Vietnamese families for eating their pets or something.

That There. That's Not Me. I Go Where I Please...

Merry Pippin Astrid Lindgren Dolph Hitler Or Mistletoe Jam On It by Stephen King of all media mail female outlets Millers Outpost its a girl! power to the people are strangers in the night rider micheal jackson browne stone cafe press this button red skelton crew J-lo down dirty crooked finger masturbation.