8/18/03
Oh, And I'm Totally Not Kidding...
A little kid just rang my doorbell and asked if a Mr. Ohm lived here. I said no. Then he asked if I'd lost any hamsters. What the hell? This is by far the weirdest and funniest thing ever. Hamsters? What the hell is that? I'm serious, he actually asked if I'd lost any hamsters? Does he know something about me that I'm not telling? Hamsters? That would of been great if I answered the door naked and with a greased up tube in my hand. Wow, it would've been my lucky day...
Hamsters. I'm serious.
8/14/03
Who's That Trip-Trappin' Across My Bridge?...
I want those back East to know that I'm down for the cause, so I'm typing in the dark right now. I know that I'm using electricity, but it beats writing this, bathed in the soft, illuminating glow of a pig fat candle and sending this to Blogger by carrier pigeon. After I'm done typing this, I'm going to cook up some food on the barbecue while humming Led Zeppelin. Why Led Zeppelin? Don't know, Bugsy. See? Yeah, see? You're not gettin' me alive you lousy coppers! Here, have a lead sandwich! Bratta tatta bratta tat tat tat! Ugh. You dead.
Friends are coming over and I'm gonna tell some ghost stories, Frank's bringing over some Night Train and his new girlfriend who can spit fire and eat glass. She's very cool, I guess her parents were part of a commune, freak show thing back in the day, and taught her some tricks - but only after she was sixteen, Babies eatin' glass ain't too kosher. It would've been for me, if I was one of the parents. Less trash to take out. Hee. From what Frank's told me, she does more than eat glass and spit fire, IfyouknowwhatImean. Hee again.
What this world needs, in these dark times, is an army of as million Atticus Finchs. Fighting for justice. Bein' bad arse. Everybody's all...Boo Radley-ish. Go outside. Let's go surfing now, everybody's learning how. Your parents suck, flip em' the bird, and get the hell out of there as fast as you can. Just make sure to swipe as much money as you can before you go, otherwise, get used to wrapping your backpack straps around your arm so that the homeless guy next to you doesn't swipe your half bag of Cheetos and Mead notebooks full of late night rat scratchings. I remember being stranded in a bus stop out in Montclair, California and meeting a girl with the blondest hair and reddest lips in the world. I think that she invited me in the bathroom with her, but I was so young that I couldn't spot a sexual invitation from a road-travelling prostitute if it hit me in the crotch. She eventually stole my Soda, cigarettes, and lighter shaped like a girls breasts. The flame would come out of the left boob. I miss those boobies.
Frank just called. He said that he's running behind because his gal has to pick up her friend. I don't know her friend. Maybe she's a lion tamer. Then what? I should, maybe turn on the front porch light so that they don't think that I went somewhere. But they all know that we're gonna get drunk by the light of the moon and the glow of whatever the hell Frank's gal uses when she breathes her dragon stuff. Shit, when that Night Train comes, I'll be breathing fire too. I haven't had that stuff since I was in high school. Last time, I tried to rip a tree out of the ground. I failed. Me and my back. Hee once again.
I want those back East to know that I'm down with them in spirit. Don't hurt anybody, be nice, make babies. You have nothing else to do. Your TV's busted. You have to do something, right. Plug the significant other because the tube's unplugged. It's our own damn fault, lightning or not. We take things for granted, and are way too dependant on modern magics. Lets get back down to the stone age, baby. I wanna carve my initials with a spear tip on the hide of a Bison. I don't know. I want everything back to basics, but want beer involved. That's all. That's all I'll take with me. Bison and Bud Light. Yup.
Oh, and Night Train.
Protect your trees tonight, people...
Goodnight, static.
Hello, moon.
8/12/03
The Olson Twinge...
This damn kitty is going to jump on the keyboard - I know it. After I get back from bartending, I feel nothing. I barely drink - that's how out of it I feel. I come in, get out of my crappy tie, and check on the galfriend. I say hi to the cats. Look around the house for psychos, murderers, and hiding mormons, and usually look for something to eat - even though I'm not in the mood for anything. I turn on the computer and usually go through a quick version of my routine. I check my email, bloggy thingy, and maybe some other sites. Then I realize that it's later than it even was when I came in, and curse myself for even turning on The Beast in the first place if I wasn't going to write anything Hollywood-wise. All of these ideas floating behind my eyeballs. All day. And all I do when I get home is check my site and yours. And porn. Don't forget the porn. But I don't feel guilty about that.
8/11/03
Good Morning, Baby...
.....................IMIm....,mIM"
.....................,MI:"IM,mIMm
.........."IMmm,....,IM::::IM::IM,..........,m"
............."IMMIMMIMm::IM:::::IM""==mm.,mIM"
....__......,mIM::::::MIM:::::::IM::::mIMIM"
.,mMIMIMIIMIMM::::::::mM::::::::IMIMIMIMMM"
IMM:::::::::IMM::::::M::::::::IIM:::::::MM,
."IMM::::::::::MM:::M:::::::IM:::::::::::IM,
...."IMm::::::::IMMM:::::::IM:::::::::::::IM,
......"Mm:::::::::IM::::::MM::::::::::::::::IM,
.......IM:::::::::IM::::::MM::::::::::::::::::IM,
........MM::::::::IM:::::::IM::::::::::::::::::IM
........"IM::::::::IM:::::::IM:::::::::::::::::IM;.
........."IM::::::::MM::::::::IM::::::::::mmmIMMMMMMMm,.
...........IM::::::::IM:::::::IM::::mIMIMM""""....."IMMMM
..........."IM::::::::IM::::::mIMIMM""...........,mM"..."M
............IMm:::::::IM::::IIMM".............,mMM"
............"IMMIMIMMIMM::IMM"........_.,mMMMMM"
.............,IM"....."IMIM".......,mMMMMMMMM"
...........,IM........,IMM"......,mMMMMMMMMM"
..........IM.......,mIIMM,......mMMMMMMMMMM"
.........,M"..,mIMMIMMIMMIMmmmMMMMMMMMMMMM"
.........IM.,IMI"""........""IIMMMMMMMMMMM
........;IMIM"..................""IMMMMMMM
........""........................."IMMMMM
....................................."IMMM
......................................"IMM,
......................................."IMM
........................................"MM,
.........................................IMM,..............______...__
....................______..........."IMM__...mIMMIMMIMMIMMIMM,
...............,mIMMIMMIMM,.,mIMMM..IMM""",mIM"......."IM,..M,
...............,IMMM'......."IMM.."M,..IMM......,IM"........./.:;IM..M,
................mIM'......../..:"IM..MM.."MM,....,M"......./..;mIMIMIM,.M
..............,IM'......./....:;,IMIMIMMM..IMM...,M"...../..:mIM"'..."IM,:M
.............,IM'....../....:;,mIM"..`"IMM.IMM...IM...../..mM"........."IMI
............,IM....../....:;,mIM"......"IMMMMM...MM,.../.,mM............"M'
............IM'...../....;,mIM".........."IIMMM.,IMIM,.,IM"
............IM...../....,mIM"..............IMMMMMMM'."""
............`IM,.../.;,mIM".................IIMMM
............."IMI,./,mIM".................__IMMM
..............."IMMMM"..................."""IMM
................."".................................IMM
.....................................................IMM__
.....................................................IMM"""
.....................................................IMM
.....................................................IMM
.................................................__IMM
................................................."""IMM
.....................................................IMM
.....................................................IMM
.....................................................IMM__
.....................................................IMM"""
.....................................................IMM
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)