Go Shawdy, It's My Berfday...

maybe he’ll feel a sharp needle ping in his crotch
right at the accurate moment of conception or ejaculation
of twenty-eight years ago

maybe she’ll feel a piano string snap of guilt
From within her uterus

it was the age of creation
it was hot
it was raining red worms that night outside the hospital
lightning flashed
burning a patch of them against still stained asphalt
the smell was awful inside
brine
vinegar
and brimstone wafting from her straddled legs

the power went out
an elderly dying lady let out a final shriek
before plummeting into a blacker than black world

we saw death that night

the night of my birth

Demi Moore Thinks That Men Who Don't Use Spell check Are Sexy...

It's always nice to get called in to work when you have the day off, but it's all over, so - no worries. Afterwards, when I was walking out towards the parking lot, I saw the homeless guy that I always see around who carries the silver briefcase. Murder was the briefcase that they gave me, Snoop says...anyway...Demi Moore on Letterman? Hold on. Wow.

So, I say hi. To the homeless man - not Demi Moore, I ask if he's hungry. I was carrying home some food. He tells me that he's got a toothache, and he finds it hard to eat. He sometimes screams out in public or talks to himself, but I always make it a point to talk to him, and he always snaps out of it, is really polite, and quick to go back to talking or screaming right after we exchange pleasantries. Tonight, I gave him some money again and then he told me that I looked like a movie star, that I looked like Bruce Lee's son or something. Ha, that was great. I've never gotten that before. I was about to bust out with the obligatory Harry Potter comparison that I get because of the spectacles. Spectacles - the Greek god of seeing. Testicles - the Greek god of fertility. Demimooreiclies - my god, how hot is she?

Uh, yeah - so, my homeless friend said that I loked like Bruce Lee's son. I was afraid to ask if I looked like him now, or when he was alive. The he said that I looked like a Hollywood actor or something, that he wished me the best, and that I'll be a super rich star. Super Rich Star. I like that. I told him to wish me good luck, and he did. And then I went home in my dusty car that I haven't washed professionally in almost a year.

Am I a Super Rich Star? Only if you make me feel like one. Homeless or not.

Thank you, briefcase man...

Some Things...

Don't be a dummy. Remember to remember to pay for your drinks. I don't wanna have to chase after you, because then I'll charge you double. I'm still bummed about missing that party. Luis said that it was the best party he's ever been to. My birthday is coming up. I am more concerned with making my car payment on the 30th and making rent by the 5th, than anything else. Last year, my gal threw me a surprise party. I was asleep in the car right before. After they yelled SURPRISE!, I called them a bunch of pig fuckers, gave them the bird, and then proceeded to karate chop everybody in the wind pipe. I think my town is being invaded by english blokes. They're everywhere. I think that this year, I haven't finished reading more books than have. On my birthday, I want to go to Chuck E. Cheese, and then a strip club. Or maybe, Ill strip at Chuck E. Cheese. It's time to go. Goodbye.

No Doubt...

Talked to Luis tonight and he told me about the party that I missed on Friday night. Two open bars at the house, a dance floor, and the lovely Gwen Stefanie. Ummm...I will never have a pary at my house ever again, because now I'm too paranoid about missing something. I don't care if it's a funeral next time that I have planned - I'm ditching it to party like a rockstar with the rockstars. Damnit.

Smells Like Weed In Here...

My house is pretty damn cool, but I've got to say Joe has the best friggin' pad. Bachelor pad, ladies. I'm typing on his little Sony Vaio Laptop thing, Listening to his bad ass stereo, watching his big ol' TV. I'm drinking a Heineken. I haven't had one of these skunky things in a while. I killed Joe, that's why I'm here. Now I'm playing with all of his stuff. No, we just had to stop by his house so that he could, umm...get something. Tony had a bad day today, blew a gasket in his head - I mean, car and could use some cheering up. By the way, how the hell did Tony get so fucking tall? He used to be like, a foot shorter than me in high school, the bitch. I stopped growing. I was always kind of hoping to be like a couple inches taller and about forty more pounds of muscle. Ha, like care...ummm...Joe just put on the Playboy channel, it's making it kind of hard to concentrate. Playboy's Screen Tests? Ummm....what's that like? Okay, this isn't working for me. Either no breasts or no writing...

Goodbye.

There's A Place In France...

There's so much rum and wine in the house, that there should be some law against it. This much hooch is bound to lead to no good. I might end up humping something by the end of the night. Not my girlfriend. Not alive. Not proper. Oh, and if you're hungry, you should stop by. I sure as hell ain't gonna be eatin' any of this stuff. I'm drinking my dinner tonight. But, my gal's a trooper, everything looks very nice. And, yes...I am typing as friends are over - but that's normal. They're used to it. I just saw a possum. Chris just said that I was like Edward Scissor Hands on the computer. I think I have to go now. Oh, and I have topless pics of my girlfriend. They go to the highest bidder. Oh, and I also will have topless pics of me by the end of the night. If anybody actually bids on them, then you get it. You sicko...

Bastards...

Did you get invited to a party at Tony Kanal's house? Yes. Are you going to go? No. Why not? Because we're having a wine and cheese party here instead. Doesn't that suck? Yes. I would've liked to pee on his rug and hump Gwen's belt buckle.

Damn.

Harry Potter, The Order Of The Pheonix Excerpts Free Download Samples Hee Hee Hee Cats That Look Like Patrick Swayze And Patrick Stewart...

So am I going to get a Twilight Zone-type curse now? I've always entertained the fantasy of what I would do if everybody left the earth for whatever reason, disease, germ warfare, some comet doing something in that horrible 80's movie, whatever...I've always been fascinated with the whole man-alone-apocalyptic thingy. Why? Don't know. Maybe because I'm a snoop. Maybe I'd like to spend time rifling through peoples houses at random and see how they're living. Maybe I'd like to drink all of their beer and open up all of their drawers. Yes, it'd be lonely - but this is pretend. I could carry around a bunch of guns, raid toy stores, pee in SUV's. I could spend the rest of my crappy life reading comics and catching up on the X-Men. I couldn'r watch movies because the electricity would be gone. I'd be chased through the streets by packs of dogs and dive-bombing parakeets. Somehow, I'd wind up with a monkey - I just know it. That'd be cool. I'd teach him how to load bullets into the clips of my firearms. I'd probably dress better. I'd carry a can opener. I'd talk to myself even more than I do now. Read Earth Abides by George R. Stewart, that was a good book, even though that the main character was a conservative, racist, holier-than-thou dick. The Stand was a kick-in-the-pants. I'd probably finish my own books and screenplays. I bet more people would read them then, huh? I'd seal off and fortify my city and rename it HELL or something. Eventually, I'd find my way to an island and just make do there. Maybe I'd find a tiger, or a dinosaur or something and let my monkey ride on top of him and take notes for me.

Maybe there's an island somewhere in the world now for people like me...with bars on the windows...ha.

Riddle Me This, Batman...


I've never been able to decide if Sarah Jessica Parker is hot or not. Hmmm...

2600 With Wood Paneling...

There's a commercial on the TV for a car that has the old arcade game Asteroids in the beginning. I'm sorry that the last three posts were about TV, by the way, but I can't help it. My gal is asleep, so I sometimes put on the huge ass TV on instead of music, I like to steal glances now and then. Anyway...seeing Asteroids on a modern day TV looked kind of cool, it made me want to dig up an old Atari and play some of those games, or at least that Nintendo that we have in the closet. I could go for some Legend Of Zelda, Super Mario Brothers, or Duck Hunt. I just might have to try that after I get off of work tomorrow. Or I could just be responsible and let sleeping dogs...um, sleep and not get hooked back up again..err...yeah.

Collect 100 coins and get a free life. Mario's a bitch. Q-Bert had no arms. Link was gay. Dig Dug was dirty. Pac Man was a fat slob.

Goodnight / morning.