Oscar...

It is astounding how much trash and dirty dishes a two-person household can produce. If I had kids, it would be worse? Sometimes I think that this place is a factory and that I'm the janitor, and just that nobody's told me yet. Where's my benefits, damnit.

April Greiman?...

Damn, I forgot. A friend of mine gave me twenty bucks to write a paper for her advertising and graphic design class. The dork doesn't even know when it's due. So, I might have to tackle that pronto, Tonto. I used to do a small amount of this in high school. I'd write a paper or monologue for lazy people. I'd get five bucks or a six pack of beer. Even after high school, I use to work with a dumb kid, who had a lot of money or a big allowance or something. He'd pay me a crapload to write his papers for him I didn't feel any guilt with this guy, because he really didn't give a crap about anything other than smoking pot and racing cars. After he graduated, I heard that the kid spent a lot of time in and out of jail. Dummy. But then, he might be doing better than me now, who knows?

Now, I don't feel like writing a paper. I'm either really dumb...or I need to up my asking price, doody-fresh.

Building A Robot...

I just erased my post by accident. Bastards. I just worked almost fourteen hours. Tomorrow, I will do nothing at all. I will try my hardest. I swear. I will pay a bill, and call the dentist back, but that's it. I want to sleep. I will wake up, eat, and then go back to bed. I will Drink beer and roll up my girlfriends change when I am asleep also. I'm serious. I will not answer the phone. I will check my comments. I will dot my eyes and cross my tease. Ha. What? I don't know. That was stupid, yo. I want to do absolutely nothing. I will die for a day and cease to exist. I will hire a Puerto Rican midget to handle all of my affairs tomorrow.

I will love you forever. I will be dreaming about throwing things at your crotch. Thank you.

The Incredible Mr. Limpet...

I had so many things to say today, and now I'm just kind of puttin' around. I was going to write about a couple of things, but erased them. I just didn't have it in me to write anything that actually required effort. I haven't been able to focus on writing in the last couple weeks or so. I've also noticed that less people visit this, now that I'm not stuck at home with the broken ankle. I had a lot more time on my hands and the opportunity to post more. Maybe I'll jump out of a car again and break the other one? My ankle still hurts and I can't walk for extended periods of time. It starts to hurt and swell up. I felt like a goon at Disneyland the other day. I was the guy, when you're getting off of rides, that slows down all of the people trying to leave. Sorry, folks - but fuck off. Don't make me limp on over to you, try to kick you, and then fall down.

Just Said To Me By My Girlfriend...

You're an angel............of darkness.

Ha Ha Ha! I think.

The Mud People Cometh...

I live across the street from a beautiful park. Today, when I came home, there was a huge tanker/truck thingy, and a man shooting out new sand out of a big tube into the playground. I stood, fascinated for a bit. I had the urge to call the fire department and see if I could have them shoot an equal amount of water out of their hoses at the same time, so that we could have the mud fight of all mudfights. This is either a kid's fantasy or a pretty homoerotic one.

Then I thought that it would be cool if I slipped the sand guy some bucks to spray some in my backyard so that I could have an awesome summer/beach type party with umbrellas and lawn chairs, but I didn't think that the landlord would appreciate that, and maybe all of the neighborhood cats would use it as one big litter box. I might be tempted also...

So I didn't ask.

Baa...

Sometimes sleep is good.
Sheep are good sometimes too.

The Happiest Place In My Crotch...

The phone is ringing, but I just got a bad feeling, so I'm not going to answer it. After I'm done with this - I'll tell you who it was to prove my psychic empathies. Anyway, I'm going to go to Disneyland or California Adventure to eat, but will be in the parks. Does anybody want anything or want me to punch Mickey Mouse in the asshole again? Since I'm there anyway.

I just checked my phones voicemail. It was my girlfriends work. Nostradamus, I ain't.

Carrie...

I have hit an ultimate low. I managed to lock myself in my car today. Twice. Serious. This type of shit only happens to me. What the hell? It's not my fault. Really. I came home around lunchtime, turned off my car, and couldn't get out. They're automatic. I tried to make it work tons of times and finally had to get out from the passenger side. Then I opened the driver’s side with my key, got back in, and tried it again. Locked myself in again and had to climb back out. I did it again when I went to the grocery store. Now, I can only get out by using the window button and opening it with my hand from the outside door handle. My car's not a jalopy either. It's a decent Camry. I think it's possessed. I think that it's only going to get worse. I think that I need to buy a horse and just take that to work.

Cyclops, Iceman, Angel, Beast, Marvel Girl, Havok, Polaris, Nightcrawler, Wolverine, Banshee, Storm, Sunfire, Colossus, Thunderbird, Rogue, Dazzler, Gambit, Jubilee, Cannonball, Thunderbird, Shadowcat, Psylocke...

I wont tell you about what a badass Hugh Jackman is as Wolverine, I'll tell you instead about how fucking cool my mutants friends are, and how lucky I am to have them in Kevynn Malone’s School For Gifted Youngsters. I appreciate their presence. They’re all fucking insane, but in a very special way. I’m a lucky guy, and you’ll never, ever hear me complain about them.

A random day can turn into a party. I called J-of-the-freckles. She was having drinks with M, C, and A. They called me back later to tell me that we were going to watch the Laker game at my house. They don’t like basketball. This doesn’t matter. I’ve slept with three out of four of them, and we’re still friends. That’s amazing in itself, don’t you think? And they don't hate me? I don't hate them for giving me THE CLAP? AND THE HIV? AND THE SARS? I don’t know if that’s really appropriate to say, but this is my writing, and my life, and it’s true, and sometimes when you have, cool-as-hell-friends, and you’ve known them for a million years – shit happens – and the fact that they can still remain your friends and you can even appreciate them more makes it even better. It’s like Hollywood…everybody has slept with their co-stars. I’ve known them forever, so – shaddup. They’re all made of good, unique stuff.

A knocks on the door, like a fucking cop and scares the shit out of me while I’m typing. We have a smoke on the front porch. A has a total of eighteen beers and a hat that says “ Hang Loose!”. C comes. J-of-the-freckles arrives. M arrives. Amy and Tom arrive. Joe arrives. John arrives. Al arrives. We spend more time laughing and being crass, hilarious bastards than anything else.

My sister called to talk about when I was going to visit her in Austin. I was distracted. There was too much stuff going on. I was talking on the phone, and I remember looking around my house as everybody was doing their own thing. C was steaming artichokes in the kitchen; A was eating Taco Bell nearby. Joe was on the computer. John was watching the game; Amy and Tom were talking to Al at his place next door. On and on. People laughing, doing what they want, feeling at complete ease with each other, one friend always calling someone else. Sometimes I can get in trouble in these situations because you never know what the hell is going to happen, or how many people are ever going to show up, but that’s also a beautiful aspect of my life. My friends fucking kick ass and are plentiful, and they're all made of good, unique stuff.

I like the familiar interaction. The cleverness. How they can all feel comfortable and at home at any of our houses. How that, when it comes to humor, all is far game. I like the fact that we spend the majority of our time laughing in unison. I like the fact that my girlfriend is now friends with them all. I like the fact that she has private conversations with them that I’m not included in. I like that they like her and she’s developing special relationships with them. I like when they make plans that I’m not even aware of.

I wish that I had more time to explain all of the funny stuff that I found special tonight, but this is too long already. I wish that I could write you stories about all of my friends. It’s the stuff of notebooks, not of Bloggy-ness. They’re a great source of material for screenplays. Like always, I wish that I could tell you more, but, sometimes, I don’t have the patience. Ask me and I’ll tell you. Otherwise, you should really come over and hang out with us, cuz’ I think that we’re all really pretty fucking funny.

And we're all hot pieces of ass to boot.