I Understand, Really...

So do you think I should join the protests in my city? Up one of the streets here, there are anti-war protesters on one side of the street and pro-war people on the other. You think I should join them? But, see...I'm kind of undecided on the whole war thing. Like everything, I can understand both view points and I feel both ways.

So, I want to start protests for the undecided.
We'll stand in the median in the middle of the street, right in between both groups of protesters. While both sides are yelling and chanting at us - we'll turn to them and smile, saying, “I know. Totally!" or "You're Stupid!" We can make up signs with big question marks on them. Hoist banners that say " Yes/No ".

Or we can just hold protests against pro-protesters...

What If Han Solo Was Bitten By A Radioactive Spider?...

I've been saving this stupid two dollar bill in my wallet and I need to spend it. I was thinking that it was for good luck, but considering that I have a broken ankle and no money now, I don't think that it was a good good luck charm at all. I've never really been the good luck charm type. I always figured that it was kind of a double edged sword. If something good happens, then it was because of charm. Something bad happens, then it doesn't apply to the charm's good luck conjuring ability. It reminds me of a story I read about the origins of why people cover their mouths when they yawn. First, nobody wants to see your choppers unless you're Amy Choppa. Second, I read that people used to cover their mouths because they were afraid of evil spirits entering their bodies. But on the other hand, you were screwed if you already had a demon in you and you kept on covering your mouth because then it really wasn't going to leave because you were blocking it's only escape route.

Moral of this story?

Absolutely nothing. If your ankle ever hurts and you take a Vicodin, don't try writing something.

Okay...

If you had the choice of being killed by a stalker or dying a lonely death - what would you choose?

Not that I have stalkers or anything...

Guess Who's Coming To Visit?...

Besides Ian. Oh, no...there's some haircutting going on in the bathroom, and I'm here at the computer, so I know I'm safe. And Ijazz, the pilot just asked me where to pee now that the bathroom has been overrun with girls butching? butchering? themselves, or their hair for that matter. Fuck, I forgot what I was writing about. People never can get it stright in their skulls that if you see a thin, feverish, imp clacking away at a device - don't bug them. If you destroy the mountain while it's being built, then you're gonna have a sand pile if you don't let the sediment pile up.

Oh, yeah...Google hits, anyone?

As of the last hour...

Spider Monkey Masturbating.
Horse Humping.
Overcooked McDonalds Hamburgers.

This is just in the last thirty minutes, folks...

Picture what I get in a month. You and all of your mammary gland, slightly robust, lactation fetishes, you sick bastards.

Fat Free Milk, indeed.

Ugh.

Spur Of The Moment...

Party here at my house, I guess.
You're more than welcome.
And I really needed it due to my inability to move or due anything productive,
so I might as well be unproductive in the company of friends and beer, right?

I almost fell in the flower bed in front of my house today.
I'm hanging out with my friend Ijazz. He's Indian, and he's a pilot.
His last name is something I find hard to pronounce.
He has been investigated by the F.B.I., so he's safe.
He once offered to drive me to Vegas. I didn't go.
When he was studying for flight school, he stayed with me and I caught him humpimg his girlfriend.
He looked like a brown lobster flailing out of water. His girlfriend just laughed.
Elvis Costello is guest-hosting Dave Letterman tonight.
My sister is boycotting Fat Free Milk because in my last post I called her a cunt out loud to my girlfriend.

Sindy, come back.

I need to pee.

Am I Bad?

I just called my mother a "Cunt".
I laughed about it, it just sounded funny.
And no, I didn't tell her that to her face -
I don't ever talk to her much.

The cunt.

Feel Like Venting?...

Go nuts. Leave a comment.
About Pepsi,
Puerto Ricans,
Frodo,
whatever's frustrating you today...

A Penny...

Nothing against him. I don't know much about 50 Cent except that he sings some songs that I like and that he was shot nine times and he used to be a drud dealer, blah, blah. He may be a saint, but I doubt it. Anyway, I was wondering...he gets shot nine times and lives. Somebody like JFK gets shot once, twice, or magic-bullet-whatever, and dies.

I'm gonna get Avril Lavigne to kick his ass.

A Glimpse Of Humanity...

You want to see some angry people?

Just watch traffic for a little bit...

Everybody needs to just calm the fuck down.

Reason Why I'm A Bad Boyfriend No. 364...

Girlfriend trying to rest in bed. I say that I'll put the TV on something good for her to fall asleep to.
I manage to tune into Animal Planet just in time so that she can watch a dog die.