I'm Funny...

My girlfriend was just sitting here beside me, and we were disgusting - Ooops! I meant we we're discussing commenting systems and the upcoming Kevynn Malone Day (March 5th). I had a pen in my hand and I made a mark on her foot. She didn't like that and wanted a pen so she could make a mark on me. So I told her that I would get rid of it…and scribbled it out with the pen.

Now she’s gone.

I’m funny.
Not funny queer.
Funny Ha Ha.

One Hour Scrotum...

Sorry. Before I go to bed, I have to tell you that I dread the dentist tomorrow. I might actually be going to sleep before two a.m. I was at the store tonight and finishing up my consumeristic naughtiness, girlfriend was looking at a Vogue magazine and contemplating on whether or not to buy that filth. I kind of know everybody at the store, and was making small talk with the-not-too-bright-but-friendly-bagger-boy.

He said, "See you later, Kevynn!".
I was thinking that my girlfriend and I had to "Take Off".
I was thinking about saying, "Take It Easy" to the bagger boy.

So, I looked at the-not-too-bright-but-friendly-bagger-boy
and accidently said..."Take It Off!".

And then hurried away.

Very, very fast.

The Great Grand Ennui/Fat Free Milk Archive Exchange
Part the French word for three:
Boz's blog post, thingie, archive post...

"I woke up this morning and looked at the big number digital alarm clock and it read 802. Now if you aren't wearing your glasses, your eyes are still covered over with sleep and you squint, 802 will look like BOZ. I was so astounded by the realization that I rolled over and went back to sleep."

Before I Forget...

I officially declare Wednesday, March 5th, "Kevynn Malone Day".

What does one do in recognition of this national holiday?

More details later...when I think up of something(s).

So Close...

Friggin' Haloscan. Right when I'm looking
through other commenting system sites,
they go back online.This is their second strike.
Third? They're outta here, doody-fresh.

I am so tough. Uhhh...nope.

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, it is almost time for the next installment of
The Great Grand Ennui/Fat Free Milk Archive Exchange
and from your feedback I can tell you are almost as excited as I am...

"I have to change the water in my goldfish, Fetish Doll's, bowl today, and I am a little worried. I have a bad habit, that goes back a couple of years, of killing goldfish when I change their water. When I changed the water ten days ago I killed Fetish Doll's mate Steph the Geek, and I had just bought both of them a week earlier. Gold fish aren't cheap! I think they cost about $1.29 each. Heck, you can buy three cans of tuna fish for that price. It must have something to do with the water temperature, I think I make it too cold. Or maybe I make it too warm. Or maybe there is too much chlroine in the water. Or maybe someone sneaks in and strangles them in their sleep.

Vanity update: My weight is going down faster than a priest on an altar boy. I have lost 24 lbs since the first of the year. That's a lot of avoirdupois. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful."


I like the new background texture on my homepage it looks like what Linda Blair puked up in the Exorcist.

Red Hot Chili Peppers Doing A Ramones Cover Aint Half Bad...

Anyway, I was just looking through the paper and thought you might want to know that Sav-On's is having a big blowout. EPT pregnancy tests are on sale for $8.99. So now you don't have to wait to see if you're pregnant or not. Aren't you glad you bargain shop? Gee, I was waiting all of this time for a coupon!

Oh, mouthwash is on sale too. Two for three dollars.

Goodbye, poop mouth.

Damn. What Was The Title Of My Post Before?...

Something happened. Everything's gone. Sucks, doesn't it? It wasn't that important anyway.

I said that I didn't want to clean the bathroom.
I want to continue reading Spiderman comics and drinking beer.
I want to be on a beach.
And then when I go to sleep.
Gnomes will come get me a blanket, clean up my mess, and leave me new comics and beer in the morning.

That's all that I said. Was that so bad? It wasn't even a good post.

But I liked it.

Okay, here it goes...

Take two.

Check Yo'self, Foo'...

Me. Boz. Fat Free Milk. The Grand Ennui. I'm gonna post one favorite post from Boz's website for the next seven days. Enjoy, punk....

"I am posting a lot of pics. I wonder if you can tell anything about me from the pics I post? I tried for an hour to find a good pic of Lori Petty to post, but wasn't able to find one that met my, ahem, strict standards. I think I'll see if I can find any nice ones of Tuesday Weld. Did you know she was fired from the cast of the television show The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis, because she was thought to be too sexy?

I think I'd like to be a cult figure, not in an evil way like Charles Manson or Jim Jones, but more like where 99.9999999999% of the world has never heard of me, but where the .0000000001% who has heard of me is feverent in their devotion of me. I'd like if they had conventions, not unlike Star Trek conventions, where vendors would sell locks of my hair and toe nail clippings, and there would be symposiums discussing the hidden meanings behind the pic just beneath the main title of my blog. There would also be debates on my two pairs of eyeglasses: The gold metal framed computer specs, or the black metal framed everyday specs, which are cooler, you decide. They would dress like me, no, on second thought they wouldn't dress like me, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. There would be webrings and cliques with titles like, The Middle of the Movie, and Not Just For Breakfast Anymore. Fans would make pilgrimages to my house and camp outside my door, hoping for a glimpse of me, and sometimes I would go outside and talk with them, and other times I would call the cops and have them arrested. Then of course there would be that one fan who went over the edge. Preferably a female fan so taken in by me that she would want to have my baby, but rebuffed she would stalk me. She would follow me around, there would be restraining orders, court dates, confrontations, jail time, and finally one night while I tossed and turned in bed there would be a sound, I would open my eyes and look up, and she would be there, with a knife with a 12 inch blade over her head about to come down ........ On second thought, I don't think I want to be a cult figure. I like it better being unknown to 100% of the world. The end."

The Days Run Away Like Wild Horses over the Hills...

I didn't want to wake up, but I had to. Last night was one of those nights where everybody drinks too much and makes plans for the next day. What we don't realize is that most won't remember, and the ones that do won't find anybody to go to breakfast, lunch, or dinner with because the other person is probably sleeping. Don't exchange phone numbers with a newfound friend because it'll just be cleaned out of the wallet in a month. Realize that you'll be eating fast food before you go to bed. You won't even remember it until you see the empty wrappers in the trash. I laughed a lot last night. Ha Ha Ha. I did. Really.

I didn't want to wake up, but I did. I went to the batting cages. Everybody else flaked out except for Joe. Not Joe Mama. My back is sore. When I hit em? Great. When I don't? My back gets all twisted like spaghetti. I have bad knees, okay? They've been bugging me bad for the last coupla years. You should see me walk up steps when nobody's looking. That's what skateboarding will do to ya' kids, look out. So, one ball I hit, smacked me in the knee. My left knee, thankfully. My right knee's the worst. I didn't want to hit anymore because I was in so much pain. Later, I did the same exact fucking thing. Instead of quitting, we logically went to the fast pitch cages.

We played Laser Tag. Me, Joe, two moms, and 23 kids. I got in a fight with one who was bugging the hell out of me. I took his wallet. I played video games. I ate pizza. I went outside to smoke. I sat on a rock. Little blackbirds were pecking at the lawn in front of me. Maybe forty of them. They got closer. And closer. And closer, until they were about five feet away from me. I sat still. My cigarette was developing a grandma ash of mass proportions. A young girl started to look at me. Was it the close proximity of the birds or my natural, boyish charm? Was I a Bird Whisperer? I played more video games. I saw god. No. I went to the video store. I got nothing. I think that is sad. I went home to take a shower. I didn't. I talked to one of my older brothers. I need to go to Baltimore when his baby is born next month. I'm the Marlon Brando of his kid. Wait, I'm the fat-once-brilliant-actor of his kid?

Joe and I were waiting for Chris so that we could go to dinner. I was smoking in the backyard. No birds. Too cold. No worms? I don't know. I heard a crunch. I could tell it was a car against car crunch. Let's stop this "car on car" crime. I heard glass tinkling. I ran to where I heard the noise originate from. It was coming from where my car was parked. The hit and run, drunken-or-just-plain-stupid driver hit the car parked behind mine. Joe and I talked to the irate owner who told us that he fargin felt like cussing, and the cop. I hoped he didn't see my expired registration. I thanked the god(s). We ate food.

I came home. Watched smatterings of the Grammys. Why aren't they giving out awards to grandmothers? Read. Tried to type. Waited. Watched the end of ALI. Uhhh...fine, I guess. It's no When We Were Kings, though. There is a fat cat asleep by me. She is on her back. She is disgusting. One arm is in the air. One is curled down like she's saying, "Aww Shucks!". I think she ate all of the birds that I hung out with today.

I'm glad I woke up.
Now I need to go to sleep...