I'm A Big Jerk...

Because I havent read The Two Towers. I can't get through it. Two page long descriptions of mountain passages bore me. I liked the first movie and vowed to finish the second book before this movie came out, but...I suck. It sucked. I don't know. So, I'm tempted to sneak away and see the movie right now. It makes me feel guilty that for years geeks had only the books and wished for a movie to come out, and I couldn't get through the second book...

So about The Two Towers...

I have one question about this movie before I see it...

Is there any nudity?
Elven boobage?
Gandalf's crotch?
Frodo's pubes?

Mail Today...

Package from my Pa. Every year I get a check for fifty or a hundred bucks that sadly goes to some emergency bill, rent, or porn situation. Last year, I think i got a sweater, which my girlfriend was quick to snatch. This year, though. Oh this year. I got...check it, A phone card. Which I think is my father's way of dropping a hint. A thirty dollar card gift certificate thingy for the Olive Garden Restaurant. Which is awesome. Everybody knows I'm emaciated and bone-thin. Maybe I'll get some meat on my bones? Yeah, right. Suck it. I like being thin. I'm a wispy god doing whatever the hell I want. I'm going to save the card and put it towards their bread sticks and salads. It'll last me for eight months. I should be a supermodel. And a check too. What the hell? It's for...hold on....50 bucks. Wow. I'm a little nervous. Last time I got this much from him, he kicked me out of his house. This is making me paranoid. What's happening, Roge? And there's more!

A Santa Claus Pez and three...THREE Simpsons Burger King watches. I didn't even have to eat there.

Now this is where it makes me totally grateful and happy, but nervous.

I've written both about my affinity for Pez and my desire to purchase those Pez watches here. He has never heard me say anything about either of them.
Now what does this mean? Is my father reading this site? Did my sister tell him? Cuz' she wasn't supposed to. And he doesn't know I have this. Not that I care, but I don't like people peeking over my shoulder when I write. I know that people read it. Shit, I want them to. C'mon-you guys are going to help me get rich and famous, right? But under no condition should I ever stop to think what somebody else will think about what I just wrote. That destroys it all.

So father. If you're reading this. Tell me. So I could boot you the hell off of this thing or switch the name to Mr.stinkass.blogspot.com or something.

I love you and all, but you need to go away.

p.s. I love my presents too. Send more.

Magilla Gorilla, Top Cat, And Yo' Mama...

Yogi and Boo Boo. GAY
Fred and Barney. NOT GAY.
C3PO and R2D2. GAY.
Scooby and Shaggy. GAY.
Sylvester and Tweety. NOT GAY.
Tom and Jerry. NOT GAY.
Batman and Robin. SO GAY.

Hey, Look! My Turtle Is Actually Sitting On Top Of His Rock...

So my girlfriend asked me to buy her a magazine yesterday when we were at the store. It's called "Shape" magazine. The girl on the cover's pretty cute. In "Shape", I guess. Fit. Attractive. Blah, Blah, Blah. Why my girlfriend wanted the magazine, I don't know. My girlfriend's hotter. But anyway, It got me to thinking. So if this magazine cover girl is what magazine publishers, the media, and the entertainment industry deem the norm for beauty and physical fitness-and every girl secretly wishes they were this magazine cover girl...does this mean that I'm supposed to want to look like the guy on the male equivalent of a "Shape"-type magazine? Doesn't it seem that women get pissed off about female performers/models/actresses more than men do? Do you get what I'm saying? I guarantee you that if a supermodel, actress with big tits, or any horrible crap actress is on the screen, a girl will have something negative to say about her. A guy will only say something about a male actor if he kills somebody, has sex, or lights a joint. Is there only a small percentage of males who look at male models or actors on magazine covers and then try to look like them as much as possible? Besides all the men in L.A., I mean. Why does it seem that more women want to be the societal stereotype of beauty, while men are just either too lazy to aspire towards anything, or just content being the fat ignoramuses they are?

Who has a copy of the Star Wars Christmas special?
Who likes Beautiful Stories For Ugly Children?
Who took all of my underwear?

Brad Pitt's Character In Oceans Eleven Is Always Eating...


I recieved a CD in the mail from Boz, the purveyor of The Grand Ennui, that we agreed upon as part of our "Exchange Things We Already Have, and Want to Get Rid of, Instead of Polluting the World With More Useless Christmas Gifts, That We Probably Don't Want or Need in the First Place" program.


- Neil Young With Crazy Horse "Broken Arrow"

When I opened up the package, I was kind of like all...(See that? That was authentic California speech) Anyway, I was like...Hey! Neil Young? He's not that bad. There's two or three songs of his that I like, maybe more. I had to go though, before I could listen to it, but did today. It lasted five seconds before I popped it out. In Boz's note he said that it sounded like it was recorded in a bowling alley bar, which I think is hilarious because he means that it doesn't sound like it was recorded in a bowling alley, but the bar or a bowling alley. That's funny. Bowling alley bars are scary. Limbo-Awesome, but scary. As a test I'd like to become a patron of a bowling alley bar for two staright weeks. For no reason. Two weeks. Eating lujke warm nachos and playing electronic darts. I like bowling once or twice a year, I guess. I like bars better. I like bars once or twice every one or two days. If I watched a bar and a bowling alley get in a fight, I would hope that the bar would win. I knew that I would be the honest fucker that I am and write exactly what my first listen of the CD was like. I promised to myself listen to it later when I had more time, and now I can, but my girlfriend is asleep on the couch, so I'll have to tomorrow. You know what? I'm gonna do it anyway...just real low...hold on.............wait, ill put it in the computer....hmmmm....let me take out the stupid video game out....

And I'm an idiot. I spent the last five minutes looking for it by the stereo-and it was right by the computer....

Okay...you know what? I put it in and skipped the first song after a bit...but in the last 10 minutes or so, the CD was playing and I didn't really realize that I was listening to it. This Neil Young album sounds like a mosquito. On a camping trip. But you have the flu. And you're too weak to wave the mosquito away.

You know what? Maybe Boz meant that this sounds like music that you would hear AT a bowling alley bar. That makes sense too. Hmmmmm....

I would get shot if I tried to play some of these songs in front of people. But I bet you could do all punk covers of these songs. See? Like this one sounds SO much like a Ramones cover tune.

Done. Album bad. Operation a success. Wow. That was a really bad album...

Now, can anyone else tell me what one of the worst albums are that you own? And why haven't you gotten rid of it?

And why?...oh nothing...what a long day this was...

You Don't EVEN Understand...

You think you know-but you have no friggin' idea, punks.
Grand Buffet's in town tonight. Two white guys rapping, dancing, and lickin' lollipops.

Be jealous. Be very jealous.

See What I get?...

For trying to be all Christ-massy?
I bought some Xmas cards in a Hallmark store the other day. A bunch of cards in a pack. The design on the outside didn't have any Jesus-stuff on it. The price was ridiculous, but was the least ridiculous compared to the rest. Underneath the card display it said that they'd print one free line for you. I bought the cards and had them say "Love Kevynn and Dawne" on the bottom of the card.

I picked them up before work today.

At this beautiful time of year,
we want to express
our appreciation for your business.
May your holidays be filled with
HOPE and JOY
and your new year with success.

Love, Kevynn and Dawne

Business.
BUSINESS.
BIZ-NATCH?

Fuck.

It looks like the liquor store is getting a Christmas card this year.

So Yesterday...

After the fight, or at least round one-I went to...

The Post Office.
Toy's R Us.
In N Out ( Thats a burger joint for those of you who don't know).
Stopped by a friend's house.
Found a new thrift store.
Went to the library.
Bought stuff at the grocery store.
AND had band practice.

We should argue more often, huh?

Even Her Cat Isn't Talking To Me...

So Did You Catch The Fight Last Night?...

No, I didn't. Who won?

Not Kevynn.

Yet Another Reason Why I'm A Bad Boyfriend...

Girlfriend asleep with a cold that I gave her.
Me awake at 1:37 am.
Eating Pez out of Chewbacca's neck.