Monday, January 05, 2009

Who's scruffy-lookin'?



I'm a hungry Wampa without a Tantaun
Chewbacca without a Bowcaster
Greedo with good aim
Salacious Crumb without the cackle
A Sarlaac without a pitt
Boba without the jet pack
Echo Station without a shield generator
A Snow Speeder without a tow cable
I am Dantooine without the millions of voices suddenly crying out in terror that were suddenly silenced
I am a Land Speeder without the vaseline smeared glob beneath my wheels
R2-D2 incessantly chirping
I do not know how big I've grown eating food of this kind
I am the crying Rancor Keeper
I am Yak and Prune Face
I am Sy Snootles without The Max Rebo Band
I am a Gundark without ears
I am Darth Vader without asthma and an Emperor without finger-tipped lightning bolts
Jabba without delectable frogs and Bib Fortuna without the head tentacles
Watto without wings
John without the Williams
Leia sans slave outfit
I am Dagobah without its swamps
Bantha without the poodoo
and I'm a dud of a Thermal Detonator
I have convinced my new master to take of my restraining bolt
I am Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen without Tupperware glasses
I can't make the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs
I am the ninth moon of Endor
I am Jimmy Smits as Bail Organa
I am Kit Fisto, Plo Kloon and that other Jedi guy dying like bitches
I am the fat, dancing Twilek in Jabba's Palace
I am the bone in your Rancor's teeth
I am Jek Porkins dying in a shower of sparks
I am Industrial Light and Reality
Luke screaming, Yes! That's true! Yes, it is possible!
A tank without Bacta
An AT-AT without armor plating
Ewoks without a village
and Han Solo without a bounty over his head
4-LOM without Zuckuss
I am a canceled Boonta Eve race
and a quadrapelegic Wookie wanting to rip off your arms
I am the Star Wars Holiday Christmas Special
and a swarm of sucking Mynocks
I have a bad feeling about this

and

I am not the droid you're looking for.

4 comments:

Eugene said...

was there ever a star wars game that didn't suck?

Fat Free Milk said...

We better do my Star Wars drinking game party SOON. Seriously. This kid's even less fun than he used to be. Hi, Euge. Miss ya'.

Fat Free Milk said...

Shazbot, I guess I should explain a bit more, Euge. Me, talking about the whole Star-Wars-Drinking-Game? Yes. we need to do that soon. This'll be one of the things that I want to incorporate into Nerd Club - BUT!!!

Empire Strikes Back on Atari 2600 is fucking awesomeness/ness

Yes.

Hope your trip was as amazing as possible.

Eugene said...

Hmmm... I think I want to play that online. Star Wars drinking game sounds spectacular. I think we need to wait for the summer for the kids to come out and play. What about painting??? It must be star wars themed.