Fat Free Milk

The More That I Talk To You... the more that we'll argue so I won't talk not argue I wish that we could talk like the other people d...

Miyagi Walks... Girlfriend's talking to me about shopping sales. I'm pretending to listen. I think that I was going to talk about Ca...

On 11/25/05, I Will Be Asleep In A Cryogenic Tube Dreaming About Koi Playing Lazer Tag To The Mos Eisley Cantina Jazz Ditty... UPDATE: I su...

Fight Club... Fight to stay awake. Be a cordial host. Laugh at jokes. Offer cocktails. Constantly clean up. Do not pass gas. Do not collect ...

A Safe Bet... If you want to get on a bartender's bad side - come to his bar after a major sporting event. Make sure you've had a lo...

Found In A Notebook... Sometimes I'm jealous of the Helen Keller-types. The deaf might have it easy because at least you know that the o...

Mars... So dry today feels like fiery chopsticks up the nose eyes like wrinkly prunes it's too bright my head is the sun my brain throbs...

For all of you political junkies... Kenneth Starr came in to my work today. Wheee! I stole a couple of his french fries before he got his f...

That Means You, India... Next time I'm on here, I'm going to ask all of my creepy lurkers to tell me who they are. Foreigners, of co...

And I Watched Oprah Too... Farting in the office. Not a good idea, Kev. Hi boss!