Tuesday, April 15, 2003


Malthusian…

Socially, today was not a good day. Everybody that I passed by or came in contact with disgusted me. From the attitude of the older man who tried to cut in line in front of me at the store, who I, at first, was polite to, and then had to be mean to, to the other dirty, creepy cretins who infiltrated my sunshine for the other portions of the day. People were rude, lazy, and impatient. People were driving too fast, and not giving a shit about anything except for their own "progress". Taco Bell will still be there, folks. You driving faster won't really make a difference. Your cheap tacos will always be around. There are no bombs dropping overhead in America, people. Not right now, at least. You can go with the flow. No need to hurry. I am disgusted at your laziness. I am disappointed at your lack of empathy. I am not surprised at your tunnel vision. You're all very hungry, so that carrot dangling in front of you is all that matters today, I can understand that. Just try not to involve me. If I speak to you, be polite back. I always give you the benefit of the doubt. Please return the favor. I'm trying not to show you my weaknesses or to make your day any more unpleasant by letting my insecurities, worries, and my bad upbringing rub off on you. Please do not let your children outside if they're just a carbon copy of your bad habits. I don't need to see the miniature examples of your inability to raise children. Dealing with one of you is enough, let alone one and a half of you. You didn't really ruin my day; you just made it a lot harder to enjoy. You made my sky a couple shades darker. You made me feel colder than I should have. I exerted more energy than I should have. Now it's lower. I might have to recharge all of the batteries that you tried to deplete today. I used to try to be apathetic. That never worked. It doesn't work at all, it just gets you angrier. I've tried hard getting rid of that, so I'm not going to let you get me back into it. I came to the realization that I wasting too much of myself towards something that I can never change. I think that the happy, gray area that I've created is just fine with me. I've got enough to think about now without you fucking it all up. I'm glad to meet you sometimes. And sometimes I'm glad that I can walk away. I'm glad sometimes that I don't need to say something to you all of the time. I'll still say something to you if I think that you're out of line or if you infringe on my personal space or enjoyment, and watch out -cuz' I'll rip your fucking head off, but I'm glad that your monsters don't hang around my house as much as they used to. It gives me more time to do the things that I want to. That's it, I think. This could go on forever, but maybe that's another good sign of mine. I can let you go, like some black dandelion floating off in the stinky air. You're forgotten, spread your seeds elsewhere. You dummies. You make me remember how happy I am with myself. You make me feel good. You make my parents proud.

Thank you.

You dumb, fucking sheep.
















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