Wednesday, October 16, 2002


If I ever met God I would ask him:

What music he likes.

If he was taller than me.

I’d tell him to cut his hair. He looks like John Frusciante. Yeah, it helps you get chicks-
but, c’mon. It helps you sleep better when it’s short. You don’t have to do that girly ‘flip’ thing.

I’d ask him where Hannah my cat was…

If I could borrow some money.

I’d tell him he needed to get some new clothes.

And would ask him if he works out. Is there a gym in heaven,
and what would the membership commitments be in the after-life?

Does he want to go skating tomorrow?

Can he pull some strings and help me get out of work this Saturday night?

Will he help me with the final drafts of my screenplays?

Has he ever seen True Romance?

Would it be okay if he could kill all bad poets?

How could God create light before he created the sun?

How could God create me in his own image?
Does he have bad eyesight, asthma, and two different-colored eyes?

How could he create the Olson Twins? Knowing the evil that lurks in the heart of men?

I’d ask him if he liked beer, and what kind. He strikes me as a Guinness drinker.

Do his ears ring every time someone says, ‘Oh my god?’

Wanna play ‘UNO?’

Wanna wrestle?

Wanna play chess?
I don’t think I’d want to play him though, his mind would always wander elsewhere,
and he’d be impatient, whine and accuse you of cheating and throw the game across the room and call you a ‘bitch’ if you beat him.

Why are some of your followers so 'you' damn stupid and SO fucking mean?

AND…if he really existed-How come lightsabers aren't around yet?

Jesus Christ!

My apologies for excluding Allah, Buddha, Zeus, Satan, that stupid sniper in Maryland, and David Koresh…


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